AFTERLIFE - chapter three

Afterlife

Chapter Three 

3

England, July, 2009

Lisa stared at the receiver in her hand.  Somehow the fact that a cramping feeling surfaced through the icy cold numbness of her fingers made her realize her waxen state.  Ok, well, that had gone…better than expected.  Of course, what had she expected?  Had she been capable of forming expectations at all?  And when did Michael ever meet them?  When did he not surpass the goal in a myriad of ways?  It was a miracle he called.  Well, another one.  Miracles seemed to be almost commonplace these days.  Like that day...the day the call finally had come, after days stretching her nerves into thin, frail threads of silk. 

Too traumatized to allow coherent memories of those days. The days spent as if somehow buried alive.  While life around her went on.  Pain...anger...regret. How dared they? How dared everyone go on as if nothing had happened. At the same time she had wished with all her heart to once again be part of the fake, plastic world that once had been hers. Holding the babies brought dim rays of light.  But even as she looked down at their angelic little faces she had to think about what could have been. What should have been. Their babies.  With his eyes.  His smile.  The smile she’d possible never see again. 

She had felt so utterly helpless, cut off...drifting in outer space, trying desperately to reconnect to the tethering line of her space shuttle. Being trapped between hysterical pouts of crying and medication and alcohol induced catatonia. Then- another call. In the middle of the night.  Panic gripping her.  

“Lisa Marie...”  Katherine’s voice.  Sounding choked by tears.

“He’s dead. Isn’t he?”

Sudden laughter, then another almost hysterical sob. Almost impossible to discern if it was her own of Katherine’s.

“No, child. Oh no.  He woke up... Our prayers were heard.  He finally woke up. He’s out of the coma.”

Her knees had buckled and she sank into a little, heap on the floor.  Numbness. Disbelief. For days she had tried to call up the strength she’d need when the final call would reach her. 

He survived?

“Is he..is he okay?  Any...”

It had to be a trick. He was probably alive..but hurt...never to be the same... A fate more cruel than death.

“They’re still checking him out, but so far there seems to be no damage. Oh Lisa Marie, this is a blessed day indeed. A miracle! I’m so sorry I woke you. But I knew you’d want to know before it’s on the news.”

Somehow she must have ended the call.  She only recalled being on the floor, crying, laughing... Lockwood came to pick her up. Tried to talk to her. Tried to once again make sense. Exhaustion took it’s toll eventually. When she finally slept her dreams were filled with him once more. When she woke with a start, she almost thought she’d lost him. Then recalled the truth, rocking back and forth, whispering two words. ‘Thank you...thank you..thank you...”

Yes, a time for miracles indeed.  First, he survived his own spectacular passing, then he actually called her.  Every time she had talked to Katherine over the past three weeks, her former mother-in-law had inquired politely if she wanted to talk to Michael.  Or had hinted that she could arrange for a call.  What she had not said was that Michael wanted to speak to her, Lisa.  Why would he?  Not like she had almost kicked the bucket.  So his feelings were probably unchanged.  And furthermore, why tempt the gods?  Her prayers had been heard.  She had to now pay the piper.  Whoever that piper was.  At  first, she had been sure it had been divine intervention, but having time to pick apart the facts, had raised the question if she had somehow entered into some Faustian deal of her own.  

If you let him live, I will let him go. I won’t insert myself where I’m not wanted. No more calls. No more thoughts. No more obsessive watching while pretending I don’t care. No more half ass marriage. I’ll be a good wife to Lockwood- the perfect wife. A model mother for the children- undistracted. Free. Just let him live. Give him another chance with his children. Don’t rob them. Don’t rob the world. Don’t rob Katherine.

Oh what a self-less prayer it had been.  And what a fucking lie. No, not then- she had meant every single word then.  Of course, how was she to know her request was for once going to be granted?  That certainly had never happened before. Which made her seriously doubt the origin of said miracle. 

Extraction from his life did not happen right away. Partly, it had been out of her control.  Riley and Ben had been hysterical when it finally had become clear he was going to be okay.  They had asked to call and she had found a million excuses, until her daughter informed her she had gotten in touch with her former stepfather through his nephew and she didn’t need her permission to talk to him. 

“Why do you have to be such a cold bitch, Mom?”

“Excuse me? Could you kindly recall who you’re talking to?”

“You know I love you, but this is nuts. I don’t care how little you feel for him, but Ben and I love him.  We were scared and we thought he was gone. So, like it or not, we’re gonna talk to him if we feel like it.”

Lisa almost had to smile. Funny, how history repeated itself.  Fine- Riley had a point. Why shouldn’t they talk to him.  So, she had given her obviously unnecessary blessing.  Funny, how Riley had accused her of feeling too little for Michael.  If only she knew...

Then, the wall to wall media coverage which tried its best to rip her into the eye of the storm. Well, thrill-seeker that she was, her blog entry, happening on a pure gut level without any rational thought, had propelled her into the memory of the general public.

That’s right- The King of Pop WAS married for like three seconds to Elvis’ permanently fucked up daughter. Let’s see what pearls of wisdom she can come up with about her ex. Maybe she’d once more talk about how she regretted bedding the freak. 

Of course, what people chose to ignore or tended to not attend to was the fact that their relationship had survived so much longer, and definitely deeper than common knowledge perpetuated.  Funny, how Michael was very capable of keeping things on the down low when he chose to.  Had there ever been a real ending in her mind?  Well, maybe in her mind, but, as she had recently discovered, never in her heart.  All the walls she had so masterfully erected and cemented were blown to pixydust.  Faced with the very real possibility that Michael would forever be gone, all that pent up love had been catapulted from some hidden corner and hit her smack in the forehead.   And onto her ass. The impact still had her seeing spots and hearing bells, whistles…and Michael’s songs.  His voice, whispering sweet words of love to her. His eyes darting out from everywhere: toying, pleading, crying, laughing…being alive.

After highflying elation whirled her like a feather into the glorious heights of heaven, panic had set in and slammed her to the ground.  Shaken Lisa syndrome… A blow to the head…  Well, at least it had woken her up from some acid trip. What the hell was she supposed to do with all that unearthed plutonium? Blow up a perfectly healthy relationship?  Throw her young children’s safe and secure life into the tornado? 

For what?

Not like Michael had shown any interest in contacting her. Why would he?  She was nothing to him. The well-wishers and newly discovered old, and formerly invisible friends no doubt were standing in line kissing his ass, smearing their fake admiration over his eyes, blinding him like a newborn cat. 

So...she tried to go on with life.  Tried to pretend she was the same as before that day in June. He obviously didn’t feel the need reconnect.  As always, she was nothing to him.

 And then the call came.

Her first clue that it was him was the forever long static after she answered.  Obviously he either had been forced by his mother to make the obligatory ‘I’m alive, thank you very much for caring’ call to the ex, or he was falling back into some bizarre old habit.  Like a nasty vice one mistakingly thought conquered.  One of those nasty old ruts rather forgotten than confronted. 

“Hey... Lisa.”

No need to identify himself, of course. He never felt that was in order.  It used to annoy her.  Like he had been the only man calling? But now? Well, she may have many exes, but only one had moonwalked out of the grasp of the grim reaper.  And only one had a voice so melodic and tantalizing it made her body vibrate.

“Michael…I…wow…How…how are you?”

A clumsy start. But hey- not too bad for someone thrown into the darkness and asked to clear a path.

He laughed. “Not bad for a dead man, I guess.”

“I saw pictures..you look great…” 

Well, that was an idiotic thing to say… Did she have to admit she was watching and hovering again? Helicopter ex…. Tied to his heart and fueled by his soul.

“You know…they anti-airbrush me to make me look like death. So you should see the real me…stunning.”

Her turn to laugh.  Oh God…he sounded so… so alive.  Not dead. Not gone.  Tears burned her nose and the back of her throat again.  Or maybe just allergies. Cause lying to herself always made her feel better.

“Hope those nurses can hold back.”  - Ouch, another stupid thing to say. She didn’t want to piss him off, making him think she was taking a side-swipe at that nurse.

“I got good security. It only fails for doctors.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, and he chuckled as well. God- he was so sick! In his splendid state of being alive.  Her swelling heart made breathing kinda difficult. 

Silence set in. What was she supposed to say?  Her mother surely had some etiquette for this- the chat with the not dead love of your life. If only she had listened to all those ‘how-to’ lessons. 

“Michael…I…”

She cleared her throat… No roadmap to figure out what to say next.

“So..I hear you called…thank you…”

Her eyes closed. Yes, she had called. Had lived for those calls.  Every moment, every word, every syllable etched into the skin of her mind.  Tattoos of hope..fear..longing…love.

“Yeah…I was…”

Freaked out?  Insane? Dying?

“…concerned.”

Michael laughed and she wanted to bash in her own head with the receiver. 

Concerned, really? 

“Well, that was mighty…sweet of you.” His voice sounded as if he was going to break out laughing again any second. 

Who were those two polite strangers on the phone?  

“Michael…you..you just don’t...”

“Yeah..I just don’t know. I’ve been getting that sentence a lot.  And you know, I’m never sure if I’m supposed to feel guilty hearing it, or what.”

There was some annoyance now.  Must suck to be told over and over how people worried about you. Well…actually….she kinda knew.  She had her share of near exit experiences. Of course, nothing nearly as spectacular as his show, but hey, he always had been a competitive motherfucker. 

God, how she loved him!

As a friend.  You love him as a friend, Lisa.  That’s the deal. Remember?

“No..not guilty. I guess you’re supposed to feel amazed by how much people love you…care..for you..I mean.”

Pulling that safety latch, she soared into the blue sky, oxygen being sucked from her lungs.

“Hey, uhum....I’m sorry I reminded you of your father. You know...in that way. That was not intended. Well, dying was not intended, either. I guess I just miss the mark a lot. Gotta work on that.”

Finally, she laughed again. “Yeah… you better.”

“But, hey, did you see? My music is front and center again. At this rate they will sign me up to do a hundred concerts next week. Or other neat shit.  Technology is so great these days: Skype with Mike: only fifty bucks a minute!”

So dry and sarcastic. Someone was on the mend.  Still- something was off. Especially when mentioning his music.  Something in his tone made her leery. This was not the old pride in his work. It was …resentment. 

“Are they pushing you, Mike?  Don’t let them ok. Don’t.. Please.  Things can wait. You…you just…”

Recover. Get stronger. Stop scaring the living shit out of me every time I hear your name mentioned on tv. Expecting them to say you died after all. 

“I just survived and they want to cash in on that…on me… while the going is good. I mean…death sells.  Near death is ok, but not for long.”

Sadly, she knew enough of the business to know he was dead on.  Ouch! Bad pun! He’d probably like it, sick, crazy ass that he was. Or used to be. Before his flame was dimmed by life.

“Michael, don’t let them push you, ok? You saw what happened.  There are ways out.”

“I’m sure there are, my sweet lady, but sadly, I’m in no condition to make too many demands. Right now I get to pick which type of water I want and that only on even days.  But really, I don’t wanna talk to you about this stuff. Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.”

Yes, of course. He had always hated when she tried to gain some insight into the business side of things. Like she had nothing to offer.  Well, maybe he had been right back when she was truly young and naïve. These days, age, cynicism, and a certain amount of business savoir faire made her more than capable to hold her own- or to help.  But no- this was Michael. And he’d rather gnaw off his foot than be trapped by accepting the aid of someone who actually had his best interest at heart.  Nothing had changed, obviously. He’d listen to any low-life before giving her the time of day. 

And still… Still, she offered.

“I’m sure you are.  But Mike...Do you need help with anything? Anything I can do?”

“Help?” He seemed slightly amused,  “No, Lisa Marie. I am just fine. Everything is beautiful.  Life is grand.”

“Michael…” She could tell he was full of shit. Him using her full name was usually an indicator. What the fuck was going on with him now?

“Look. Really. I’m great. I just wanted to call you and thank you for your wonderful, sweet concern. Mother said you were a rock.”

She hated when he talked to her like that.   Like she was some random stranger.  Fake as fuck! 

“Not like your Mom to lie.”

“No, really- she sang your praises. And you know she never lies.”

Lisa smiled. Katherine maybe didn’t lie, but she was not above bending the truth for people she liked. And God bless her- she always seemed to like Lisa.  Called her a rock, even? Too funny! She was a sniffling, scared, baby. Katherine had been her salvation.

“I was scared shitless.”

“Oh really… ?” He was trying that statement on for size. “No one likes to lose a friend, I guess.”

A friend? Oh, Michael…we never were just friends? Part of our tragedy. If only we could have mastered that hurdle. 

Interesting though...he sounded as if he was digging. Or maybe she was imagining that. 

“Yeah… No one does.” She closed her eyes, fighting to keep her voice even.

“So, will you come see this friend? I mean, if I come to England, will you? See me? Given you’re there already and all.”

See him in England?  Were the shows still on?  She went on alert.  She knew they needed to recoup the losses from the delay, but he was obviously too weak still. He had been through hell.  Why would the shows be back on?  He could die....

And you know how much the vampires care. They hook him up to an IV and pump him full of blood, while they sharpen their fangs, getting ready to satisfy that blood lust for money again. 

What was it he had said one time? 

“They just hook me up to needles and send me out again, ready to make money again.”

Oh hell no! He wasn’t serious! Why would he let them do this to him? Again? 

“Michael: be real. You need to rest. You don’t even need to think about the shows right now. It’s too soon.”

“You’re funny, Lisa. So naïve. Sweet little Lisa Marie.”

Did he have to sound so condescending? She knew what the deal was. Why could he not simply level with her and admit he was scared that the push to make money would in the end kill him?  He had confided in her about that before.  

And didn’t you discount his fears and call him paranoid?

Well…things were much clearer now.  A new focus.  New insights and new facts. And a kingdom full of new fears.

“Well, I hope you do…what’s right for you. You and your kids.”

There. Let him chew on that. He might not want to take care of himself, but she knew he wouldn’t want to shake up the kids any more.

A huge sigh on the other end. “I wish I could.  I mean…I am trying to explain, to get them to hold off, but Phillips already is on my ass, Frank tells me.”

She closed her eyes.  Good, Frank was back, that’s right. Frank would take care of him.  Frank actually really cared about Michael. 

“I’m happy to hear Frank’s back.  I’m sure he’ll watch out for you.”

Michael laughed in a way that made cold sweat break out on her back. Her own warning system. 

“He’s big- but he ain’t that big. Not AEG big. But anyway, I really don’t wanna talk about that stuff right now.” Meaning or ever.

Oh yeah. Michael had always found it hard to believe that women and their pretty little brains could comprehend the complexities of business. And yet, here they were: She had sold most of her stake in EPE and was living very comfortably, while he almost killed himself to keep the vultures at bay.  

“Surely you have some kind of leverage now to push things back. Or even change what was planned.”

“Leverage? Me? If anything this just edged them on, Lisa. You just don’t know how these people operate.”

The tone in his voice said that he did not intent to fill her in,either.  In another lifetime he would have gone on. And on.  And then some more. 

And  she would have called him paranoid and gotten tired of his rants. He was right. She had been an unsupportive bitch!

Shit, but now she knew better. Or suspected.

“Is that what happened, Michael?  Did they push too hard?  Did you …you know…let yourself get run down. Stopped taking care of yourself?”

She didn’t need to say the rest: Like you did in 95…  When you scared the living shit out of me because you were so upset with the changes for the special you stopped to eat.  Stopped to drink. Stopped to stop…

“Lisa Marie- I mean, come on.  This was not my passive aggressive attempt to get out of work. That’s what you’re saying, right?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. But I heard things…heard they treated you like a piece of machinery. Your Mom told me some things.” Horrific things that had made her cry. 

“She talks too much at times.” 

There was silence and for a second she thought he’d change the subject. 

“You know what he said, Lise?”

His voice was flat and very, very quiet.  

“No.” She held her breath. Hoped to God he would go on. And feared it at the same time.

“Philipps. He said, shut up and get back on stage.  And dance.  All that was missing was the ‘boy’ at the end of it. Like I was his little black slave boy. Without rights. Without humanity.  A chained dancing bear, poked with the hot lance if he got too tired.”

His voice broke.

As did her heart.

And her resolve to not  get involved.

“Michael…” 

I love you. Don’t let them force you. You got choices. You are …

What?

What was he but a prisoner of his own fame?  He had maneuvered himself into a corner. His little trip to Hades might have given him some wiggle room, but she now saw it clear as day: It was a reprieve at best. And, probably sooner than later, she’d have to go through all this again.  If they pushed, he’d cope the best way he knew how. By walking that cliff, being so sure he wouldn’t fall off.  Always trusting that magic carpet to glide by just in time. Only, the next time, he’d probably crash all the way to the bottom.

Well, fuck that shit! 

“Don’t worry, Lisa. I’m me. I’m gonna fall off that ledge and the magic ground will always catch me. Like in the cartoons. Rhinoceros skin, remember? So- you gonna come to London?”

Scary, when she was so right about his thinking. And what a smooth change of subject! LIke she was going to fall for that one. Still, Lisa had to giggle. “You persistent little motherfucker. Was this all a play to get me to come to your shows?”

For the first time, she heard the sound of real laughter. “Hey- you’re hard-headed, and I had to think of something new and attention grabbing.”

“Yeah, well…you forget who you’re dealing with, dude. This wasn’t all that new to me.”

His voice turned serious. “I’m real sorry. I really didn’t mean to scare you. You know that, right?” 

There he was.  The real Michael.  

Lisa’s eyes closed and she took yet another deep breath.  “Yeah, I know.”

“So…I guess I’ll see, hum?”

“See what?”

“If you’re gonna come.”

“Michael! 

He laughed again.  

“Oh come on! I almost died you know.  The least you can do is step up.”

“How ‘bout a deal?  I try my best to make it there if you promise to not let them drive you into the ground.”

“Lisa; you don’t understand.” His voice turned serious. “I don’t have control over this.  It’s a runaway train. They pretty much got me by the balls. They own me.  Nothing’s changed. Except that they can make more money now.”

“Then let me help you. What do you need? Money?  I happen to got some, you know?”

“You can help me by showing up. I don’t need your money, Lisa.” That indignant tone once again pissed her off. Why the fuck did he have to be so damn stubborn?

“But you take everyone else up on loans, right? Just not me.  Cause you’re rather die and leave your kids fucked up for life than let me help you.”

“I asked you for help before and you didn’t step up. I don’t need you to ease your guilty conscience by throwing money at me.  Use that to buy your husband a wardrobe that’s not stolen from Edward Scissorhand. That shit don’t fly in real life.”

You could always tell when you hit a nerve with Michael when he started to pull in random arguments designed to throw you off your mark. 

“Do you think that bullshit will make me want to come see you?”

“Hey- you might wanna jump on that.  If I can’t make it, like you seem to think, you’ll feel gutted again in no time flat. Or you’d have to search online for another equally eloquent term.”

“Your are such a fucking asshole.”

Lisa bit her lip, feeling she was getting angry enough to throw the phone. Knowing, he did this on purpose to get her off his case. The question was, why? 

“And yet we need those to live, or we’d never get rid of all that piled up shit.”

How in the world could he make her this mad and then want to laugh a second later?

“You are so fucking sick!”

He giggled. “So they tell me.”

Another pause.   

“I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Her eyes closed and she clutched the phone. If only she could make him safe by holding this silly little device in her hands and never let go.

“I’ll be okay. After this- I’ll be okay.”

Unless they killed him.  Unless she stood by once again.  Silent witness to the lions taking pound after pound of his flesh.  Anything to make the circus continue. As his eyes dimmed and held her prisoner.

“Promise me.”

“Will you believe me?”

“If you’re honest.”  

Well- if she requested honesty, maybe she had to lead by example.  And maybe he also felt the need for that.  His silence spoke volumes.

“You know...the hardest thing... when I thought I lost you..” she swallowed as her voice drifted off. No, she had to do this.  For her own sake as well as his. “The hardest thing was to know I didn’t reach out to you.  I didn’t ask you if there was anything I could do for you.  I felt I totally abandoned you.”

“Lisa...”

“No, let me finish.  We were friends.  I mean- there was a time..there were many times, when we had each other’s backs.  True, we hurt each other so much.  So many times.  But when I sat there and I watched them haul your ass into that ambulance, that didn’t even matter.  All that mattered was what was right between us.  What had been right all along.”

He seemed stunned.  No noise. Not even static in the line.

“I...I...don’t really know what to say, Lisa...”

“Say nothing. Just hear me.  I can’t imagine how alone you must be at times.  But if you let me..if you let me in...just a little bit.  I can help you.  No- don’t say anything.  You don’t want my money and that’s fine. I get that.  But if you wanna talk...about anything...I’m here, okay?”

Suddenly, she noticed she was shaking life a leaf.  She listened to the silence.  Could almost see his struggle.  He was so damn proud.  And so damn careful.  But nothing could eclipse the level of loneliness he must feel.  

“And...your family...your husband...he’d be okay with that? Me calling you up and venting?  Me being in your life like that”

Her glance fell over onto a picture of Lucky and the girls.  She swallowed.

“He’s okay with Danny.”

Michael laughed. “I ain’t Danny.”

No, shit, Sherlock!

Lisa squared her shoulders. She walked away from Lockwood’s silent gaze in the picture. 

“He’d be okay.  We are partners.  He knows how ah..upset I was when ....well, you know.”

When my world ended and my sun almost burned out.

Silence.

“You marry the weirdest men, you know that?”

Her turn to let lose a sarcastic laughter. “No shit.”

“Lisa...?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you.  I really do. No shitting now. I ain’t got no one. I mean: I got the kids.  But I hate they hear me when I’m...when I’m upset.  And it’s been bad.  Real bad. I can’t sleep. Eating was difficult.  Well...you know...you know how I get.”

Oh God, did she ever.

“And you know what?”

“What?”

“For the first time ever...I didn’t think..I was afraid...”

More silence.

“Michael?”

“No, never mind...I said enough.”

Maybe he was right. Maybe there were some things he couldn’t say. Not yet. And possibly, she also could not hear them yet.  Not being this afraid it could all go south one more time. He did it, he stepped up. He granted her a little glimpse of this dark space he had felt trapped in.  

Lisa cleared her throat. “Yeah- so you gotta promise. No more shortcuts.”

“And if I promise, you’ll come to London?”

“You just won’t let that go, will y’a?”

“Hey- I was looking at houses and all- who knows- we might even be neighbors or something.”

“Yeah, cause England is that small.”

“Hey- one never knows.”

No, with him- she really never knew.  

And so she kinda promised.  It got him off her case for now.  And it would be okay.  She could do this- could be there for him.  Sure, being friends had never worked, but it would be okay this time around.  She had Lucky now- and the girls.  Things were solid.  And for sure, Michael was over her in that way.  

Like you’re over him? 

Well, that was different.  He was...special.  He’d always have a special place in her heart.  But she was happy in her marriage.  And all she wanted was to make a difference, make sure he was okay this time, and help her friend.  

And so, with her GPS set on Denial-Ville, she picked up her computer and started to do some in-depth research.

(to be continued) 

©2013 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. ABSOLUTELY no disrespect is intended to any persons portrayed in this work.