22
The blue was startling. For a moment Michael was unable to decide if it was more reminiscent of a clear lake with reflected sparkles of golden light or if it was indeed a perfect match to the azure heights above them. Either way- water or air- both were essential to life. As was she. It was a miracle how he had survived without being able to gaze into Lisa’s eyes.
She caught him staring and her expression turned cheeky.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just being pulled into those mysteries of your eyes again. They are like a sweet, dangerous honey trap.”
Lisa laughed and sat up, leaning against him. “Are you saying I’m trying to trap you, dear?”
“No trying to it! You did it already. And I am your most willing captive.”
“I would not call you ‘most willing.’ More like I had to drag and pull you back to me.”
Michael reached around and kissed her.
“I like to play hard to get.”
“No shit. But I like it when you play hard…or get hard...”
The naughty hand reached behind her and found the part of his anatomy that could not behave around her.
“Lisa- the kids!”
“What? They are still trying to catch something in that pond. I sure hope they don’t succeed! I’m not about to take a flipping fish off a hook.”
Michael listened to the chatter of the kids down by the little pond they had stopped by. Staff had driven out to their picnic spot and delivered baskets with sandwiches and coolers with water and juices. Lisa and he indulged in some cool beer after the kids went to tempt their luck at fishing.
This was their second family outing- the first one with both sets of kids together. So far, so good. Despite the location Lisa had chosen, he found himself relaxing. Then again, the peaceful location of the valley was the reason he had chosen to establish his Neverland here in the first place.
He was well aware that he had kind of ambushed Lisa the other day when he brought her over to Havenhurst. Her face had left no doubt about her panicky state. Really, it was a bit odd to see how bent out of shape she was. She had met the family numerous times. Sure, the stakes were different now, but she had told him she wanted him back. And he was a package deal now. Kind of like she had been when she finally had signed the divorce papers from Danny. Riley and Ben were wonderful parts of the family he inherited. Priscilla and Danny less thrilling additions.
Interestingly, the biggest problem was not as expected Lisa meeting Blanket. Instead, his own little princess, Paris, had shown her sharp talons. Sure, she was well-behaved and polite, but she displayed a jealous edge he had not seen before. Odd, how she had not exhibited this kind of behavior with Julia. Kids are so perceptive- even when they do not understand the signals they are receiving. But Paris was well aware that Lisa owned a big part of his heart- and she obviously was not too keen about sharing her Daddy’s love with anyone.
When Lisa had been sitting outside, chatting with Katherine and playing checkers with Prince, while Blanket, the little charmer, had situated himself comfortably in her lap, Paris had followed him back inside when he came in to grab some water and to be out of the sun.
“Daddy, does Grandmother know Miss Lisa from before?”
“Paris, baby, I thought Lisa told you to call her just Lisa.”
“Yeah. So, you said we had met her before, but I don’t recall. Grandmother said she was so happy to have her here again. What does that mean? Was Miss Lisa here often?”
“Yes, you might say that.”
“So, you and her have been friends for a long time?”
An eternity. Life before Lisa seemed to belong to another century. Like the ice age: cold and lonely; devoid of color and warmth.
“Quite a while, sweetie.”
“Before I was born?”
“Yes, before that.- Do you want some water, Paris? Your cheeks look a bit red. How long have you been in the sun?”
Maybe he was able to distract the little investigator. He was not ready to discuss details of his past with Lisa. Especially with the kids. It might be too confusing.
It certainly was confusing to him. How were they supposed to digest all that had happened?
“Not long. And no, I have lemonade outside, thank you, Daddy. So, before Prince was born?”
So much for distracting her.
“Yes, before then.”
Paris folded her arms and her little forehead was crunched up. He could see the wheels turning.
“Why has she not been around, then.”
“She has been. You just said yourself you do not remember.”
“I would remember had she been around in the last couple of years, right? Don’t being friends mean people stay in touch?”
Incorrect grammar; correct statements. Perfect opportunity to possibly throw her off track.
“Doesn’t…”
“Doesn’t it mean that?”
Or not…
“Sometimes. Other times people stay close in their hearts even though they don’t see each other.”
Paris digested the words for a second.
“Did she know our mother?”
Michael almost spat out the water he had sipped. Did Lisa know Debbie? Oh heck, yeah.
“Yes, she does. Come on. Let’s go back outside.”
Paris started to go back out, then changed her mind and turned back.
“She said she has kids. Do you know them?”
“Yes, I know Riley and Ben very well.”
“How come?”
Michael sighed and put his water glass down. Paris was like a little puppy with a bone: she was not letting this go.
“Are you their Daddy?”
No beating around the bush, here. He threw his head back and rolled his eyes. No, sadly, Riley and Ben had their own father. They should have been his children, by all means. But no, fate, and Priscilla Presley had devised other plans.
“No, baby. I am not their Daddy. I love them very much, though. And I hope you will love them, to, when you meet them.”
“I have to meet them?”
By all means, Paris, contain your enthusiasm…
Why did this all play out differently in his dreams?
“Don’t you want to?” He sat down and pulled Paris into his lap.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s weird to meet new people right before we leave.”
“Well, I think it will be great if you make new friends. And they might come and visit us in Bahrain.”
Paris looked up at him in surprise, her eyes wide and questioning.
“What for? I thought this trip was just for us. You said not even Grandmother would come.”
“Well, I asked Lisa if she and her children would like to visit. I hope that’s ok with you.”
His tone was gentle but it still conveyed the message that he was in charge of their decisions.
“Hm. I guess. Will Julia come, too? I liked her.”
The message was impossible to miss. She liked Julia whom she had not perceived as a threat. Lisa and her family were obviously in a different category.
His mother had invited them to stay for dinner and Lisa asked to speak to him before she agreed. He suggested they go upstairs into his old bedroom. Lisa smirked.
“Nice try, Mike. I have not forgotten, you know…”
Of course she had not. Neither had he. In another life-time, he had shown Lisa his room during one of her first visits to Havenhurst after they had broken that invisible barrier of being platonic friends.
“Did you ever bring other chicks up here?”
“Other chicks? Girls? No. Well, maybe one or two- but not like…not to do anything with them.”
Lisa had closed the gap between them, backing him into the wall.
“Do anything, like what?” Her mouth had been inches away from her and he was caught in her force field, held immobile by the heat emanating from her body.
“You know…” His finger started to trace up her waistline toward her breasts. He felt her shivering when he touched her hardened nipples and his pants suddenly felt very tight.
“Like this?” She pushed him all the way into the wall and kissed him. His hand caught in her hair and he fisted his fingers into the silky mess of her long hair. The kiss left him breathless and dizzy.
“Something like that. Lisa…Lisa…you have no clue how many times I fantasized about having you in here.”
Her hands traced down his chest to his pants.
“Oh yeah. What were you fantasizing about?”
“I was dreaming about this sexy girl kissing me.”
“Like this?” Her lips closed over him again, she nipped at his bottom lip before tracing his mouth with her hot tongue. Pulling her close, he invaded her mouth. Excitement mounted, and hit a frenzied peak when Lisa’s hands rubbed him through his jeans. He could simply not believe this was happening- they were making out- while his family downstairs was getting dinner ready. No way would his brothers not know what was going on- and no way did he care enough to let that stop him. Not with her hands on him, about to open his fly.
“How did your fantasies go on?”
“Well, this girl, the girl of my dreams, she helped me with this ah…little problem… I had in my pants.”
“Hm…I do see what that problem might be, Michael. And any nice girl would love to help you out there.”
With that, she slowly opened his fly and pulled down his jeans. Then, after kissing him one more time, she slid to her knees, engulfing him with the heat of her mouth, making all his dreams come true. For good measure, the naughty little encounter ended with him making love to her against the wall, his hand over her mouth, trying desperately to keep her quiet as he gave it to her just the way he learned she liked it.
As he and Lisa stood at the entrance to his room, their eyes met- and he could tell by the darkening hue that she also had taken the trip down memory lane. Lisa cleared her throat.
“So, I don’t know if it’s a good idea we stay for dinner. Maybe your driver should bring me back home.”
“I thought you were feeling more comfortable. You and mother seemed to have such a lovely afternoon. And the boys adore you. Plus, you really think I'll just put you in a car and send you off?”
"One never knows when you'll be needing a break from me."
He pulled her closer, whispering, "How about never...," before kissing her.
They stood in a tight embrace, her head against his chest, silent for a moment.
“Your mother and I always get along. She is such a sweetheart. And your boys are amazing. Charming and gorgeous like their Dad. But Paris…she is not happy at all, Michael. And I don’t blame her. I was my Daddy’s little girl- and I hated the women he had around. I wanted to place them into spaceships and blast them off into another universe.”
“Lisa- you are not just a ‘woman’ for me. You are the girl I love. You are my future, my past, my present.”
Lisa’s eyes misted over. Her head lowered for a second before she met his gaze.
“You’re such a sap! But you have no idea what it means to hear you say that. But let’s not push it- she doesn’t know me. Let’s give her some time.”
“I won’t rush her. But I want you here tonight. I need you. Don’t go, please.”
His hand found her cheek and she lifted her face up to him.
“You don’t play fair, Mister Jackson.”
He could not help but place a kiss on her nose, then her forehead, then he pulled her closer to him, holding her tightly.
“Playing fair has not always gotten me what I wanted or needed.”
"And what's that?" Her arms came around his neck.
"I don't know. Let me think..."
Playfully, he lifted his head as if searching for the answer up on the ceiling.
Lisa's hand found its way into his hair and a she pulled his mouth down to hers, engaging him in a slow, deep kiss, taking time to explore his mouth.
"Does this stir up any ideas?"
The husky tone stirred more than mere ideas.
"Daddy?"
The small knock made them break apart like two teens caught in the act.
"See?" Lisa raised an eyebrow, obviously referring again to the fact his daughter was less than thrilled with her taking up his time.
Michael smiled helplessly, rolled his eyes, and pushed Lisa in front of him, covering up his visible bulge just in time for Paris to enter, reminding them that dinner was ready.
Lisa had agreed to stay, which was a small victory. Paris had attempted to manipulate the seating arrangement by declaring her seat to be next to him. He gently reminded her that she was always sitting opposite of him, as he liked to be able to watch her and Prince who were not above starting food fights. Ok, admittedly, he might have something to do with that development.
Pouting, Paris took her seat which actually gave her a great vantage point to observe him and Lisa. During dinner conversation, he joked and laughed with Lisa, who at one point put her hand on his arm, his, hand automatically coming to rest over hers in a loving gesture. When he looked across the table he found the interchange had not escaped Paris, whose lips tightened.
"Paris, you have been very quiet. Are you feeling well?"
Michael looked over at his mother, who obviously was also very much in tune with the unspoken dynamics.
"I'm ok. Just wondering: Daddy, will you be around tonight? You have been gone a lot."
"No, he hasn't," Prince chimed in, staring at his sullen sister. "He's been around a lot. What's up with you?"
"I want Daddy around tonight, so?"
"So? You're such a baby,"
"Hum, guys? We have a guest." Michael reminded them.
"It's ok, Mike. Remember, I have kids. This sounds like home to me." Lisa's hand was on is leg now as she smiled over at the kids.
Paris’ eyes narrowed as Lisa called him ‘Mike’ and he noticed her eyes lingering on Lisa’s hand. When the clear eyes rose, her tone was deceptively innocent.
"Don't your kids miss you when you're gone that long?"
Michael about choked on his food. He really had to talk to Paris about manners later.
Thankfully, Lisa took the comment in stride.
"They're with their Dad today. But I'm sure they miss me a bit. Just like I'm sure you miss your Dad when he's not here. I can see how much you love to have him around. I know what that’s like. I always loved to be with my Daddy."
Paris ignored the comment and played with the food on her plate.
"So, anyway, I will be around till you guys are asleep. Then I might have to run out a bit again. I will be back in the morning, though."
He exchanged a glance with Lisa whose cheeks took on some color.
"Oh, that 's fine, Michael. I hope you'll make sure Lisa gets home alright- given you all came over with one car. Unless you want to spend the night, dear. You know I can have a guest room ready in no time. You are always welcome."
Mother was in matchmaker's heaven again, obviously. And for once he did not mind.
"Well, I'm sure Miss Lisa needs to get home to be with her kids, right?"
Paris on the other hand was not letting this go. Despite the fact that her brother elbowed her and informed her she was being rude. The only one around the dinner table who was obliviously happy was Blanket, whose attention was fully captured by attempting to keep his peas on his fork. Michael truly envied his son's happy deposition. It also reminded him to focus on what was important. Lisa was here- in the room with him and the kids, having dinner. Sure, there was some conflict, but how heavenly normal did all this feel? How many recent dinners had he sat here, watching them, unable to eat his food, wondering how much time he had left before he'd be separated from them. How many nights had he choked on the tears that threatened to overwhelm him, imagining a life without freedom, without love. Feeling his pulse speed up, he took a gulp of his water, followed by a deep breath, noting Lisa's eyes on him.
Later, he and Lisa had watched some movies with the children, falling back into old habits of tossing random popcorn at each other, laughing hysterically. Prince and Blanket happily joined the fun, and even Paris took a moderate break from being on guard. She drew the line however when Michael suggested Lisa help him read her a story. Blanket on the other hand made up for it by asking Lisa to tuck him in.
Standing at the bedroom door, watching Lisa pull the covers over the little tyke broke free some almost forgotten hopes that had been walled up in a deep, dark dungeon. It still broke his heart that someone so natural with children as Lisa had been so deeply resistant about sharing this ultimate joy with him. No, he reminded himself to stay in the present. Those old castles in the sky had long since evaporated.
As promised, he had driven Lisa home. He was not sure if he should come in, feeling suddenly shy and insecure about assuming she wanted him there.
"You're coming in, right?"
Her hand was held out to him. Guess she had her mind made up. Not like he minded. If danger remained, he was too deep into the quicksand to struggle anyway.
"Won't the kids be home tonight?" He was pretty sure Riley and Ben would be thrilled to see him, but this was her call.
"Not sure. Come in and have a drink. I'll find out. But you know they’d kill me when they find out you were here and didn't say hi."
"I don't wanna confuse them, Lise. I mean- don't they expect someone else here?"
And yes, this was his roundabout way of asking just how often the charming Mister Lockwood had hung his hat in Lisa's house.
"Not lately."
Ok, a short answer was an answer, too. Her tone sounded as if Lockwood would not be around anymore. He sure hoped not.
Lisa checked her machine and filled him in that Danny would bring the kids home early the next morning.
"So, just how early is his 'early'?"
Lisa filled a glass of vodka and handed it to him.
"Late enough so you can sneak out in the morning. Meaning, you can send your driver home, I think."
Michael took a sip, then approached her from behind as she filled her glass, pulling her hair back from her neck, placing his lips on her sensitive skin. After a day of having to behave himself in front of his mother and children, tasting the sweet nectar of her skin had become as necessary as breathing.
"Are you inviting me to stay?" The words were whispered against her and he enjoyed the goosebumps forming under his lips. Seems she was more than primed to be responsive.
She leaned into him, sighing. "Just see what happens if you try to leave."
"Hm...sounds tempting. Downright dangerous..."
Lisa laughed and offered more of her neck up to him. The perfect opportunity to trace a path of kisses up to her lips, following the increasing rhythm of her pulse.
"Remember those handcuffs? I saved them just for you."
"Promises, promises." Turning her, he playfully held her hands behind her back in on hand, finding the nearby table to deposit his glass. The only drug he needed or wanted was right here in his arms.
He kissed her rough and hard, and she whimpered against him, edging him on. Breathless, he let her go, turned her toward the stairs and smacked her behind.
"Lead the way then, big mouth, we'll see who has whom tied up in a couple of minutes. Laughing, she grabbed his hand and he followed, calling his driver on the way up to the bedroom. Michael hung up, laughing, as they entered the room.
"What?" Lisa asked as she pulled her shirt off, distracting him for a second with her sexy bra, revealing the delicious curve of her breasts.
"Well, I guess we're pretty obvious. He said to have fun."
"Fun, hm? Where'd he get that idea?" She pulled her bra off and threw it behind her. Suddenly, she paused, a scolding, pouting expression on her face, her hands coming to rest on her hips.
"What?" Her disapproving face caused him to laugh.
"Unless you plan on calling the poor man back, you better drop some clothes, Jackson. You're way overdressed for what I have in mind."
"Oh, really?" Slowly, he started to shed his shirt, as she, just as deliberately, opened her jeans and wiggled out of them, leaving her in nothing but a hot, red, lacy, thong. His own movements sped up accordingly while their eyes never broke contact.
"Better? I wouldn't wanna call him back and have the chauffeur's union up my butt tomorrow." dropping his boxers, he stepped over them. Her gaze dropped, then smiling, she stepped closer and pushed him against the wall.
"Much better. Now, you know what being in your room earlier made me think about?"
She rubbed her body against his, and he enjoyed her tongue playing with his, before she started kissing down his neck, his chest, taking time to kiss and suck each nipple, as his head fell back against the wall. He sure hoped she was inspired by the same memory that had haunted his afternoon.
Proving that she indeed had a direct line to his memory bank, Lisa sank to her knees, gazing up at him, making it really difficult to keep still. His penis extended and pleaded to be taken care of- and she had not even touched him yet.
"Watch me, gorgeous." With that, she grabbed him in her hot grasp, allowing her raspy tongue to stroke his sensitive member from the hilt to the tip several times, before she took as much of him into that tempting mouth, scorching him, unleashing those familiar twin dragons of desire and love.
Shit, she was going to be the death of him. How did she know how difficult it had been to keep this very image before him from distracting him all evening long after they had been in his room?
And so, for yet another night, he praised the Lord for having allowed him to overcome his idiotic, stubborn stance against Lisa. Nothing compared to having her love him, nothing to being inside her, next to her, to hear her breathing next to him, to feel secure and loved. She was the strongest barrier against his nightmares, and when he finally fell asleep after having taken them both to unbelievable heights of pleasure, he did so with the knowledge that he would wake up replenished and rested.
When he had woken, he realized his exhausted state had kept him asleep much longer than planned. The bed was empty, but before he could wonder where Lisa was, she entered the room with a cup of coffee for him.
"Morning, sunshine. Change of plans. That sneaking out part we talked about? Ain't gonna happen. We have company."
Thankfully, this only meant that Danny had dropped the kids off. Michael had not been in any mood to put up with Danny's arrogant demeanor. What was it with Lisa and those odd guys she surrounded herself with?
Well, not everyone could be as normal as he was. Michael chuckled to himself.
Lisa told him she was getting breakfast ready and he took a shower, resolving to be smart and bring some clothes over for next time. Leaving the room, he suddenly felt awkward. Lisa's kids were teens now- and therefore would probably be only too aware of why he had stayed over. Fairy tales of friendly sleep over would probably not cut it any longer.
This was by far not the first time Riley and Ben had welcomed him at the breakfast table, even though Lisa had usually ushered him out when they had succumbed to one of their hot, but often fleeting encounters. She was more than adamant about not confusing her kids, and he never disagreed. Their continued relationship, whatever the boundaries were at any given time, was incomprehensible to them, so why expect children to make sense of his appearances. In their magically uncomplicated world view, all they hoped for was to see him back in their lives. And from Blanket's birth up until now, that prospect had been as unlikely on a permanent basis as peace in the Middle East. Or an ice palace in the Sahara Dessert.
Still, unlikely was not impossible as long as hope somehow managed to survive. And survived it had- against the most bitter of odds.
Voices drifted toward him and he stilled at the banister.
"So, Mom, what is up with you, seriously? You look different: almost happy. Did grandma go on some kind of extensive trip out of the country?"
"Ri- you are so mean." Ben was laughing at his sister, and Michael had to smile, noticing Ben's voice had started to sound differently. It contained the characteristic tone fluctuations of an early teenager. Where did time go? How much time had they wasted?
"No, Ben- for real. Look at her! And I thought she was singing to herself earlier. And not one of those frigging angry songs, either. It almost sounded like, like....shoot, I can’t think of it now."
"Riley, Riley, you will be so sorry one day for torturing your poor old mother." Lisa laughed.
"You're not old, Mom! Don't listen to her; it's nice to see you happy. Odd, but nice."
"Yeah, for a chance. Hey- wait a minute. You got your coffee here. Why did you take another cup upstairs?"
"Riley- will you give me a break! We need another setting at the table, by the way."
"Who else are you gonna poison with your eggs, Mom?"
Making his way down slowly toward the kitchen, Michael smiled. Kids could be so cruel, - and nosey. And perceptive
"Dad said you would have news. Don't tell me Lockwood is moving in!"
From Riley's tone he was not convinced what Lisa had told him earlier about RiffRaff and the kids getting along was the absolute truth. Well, he had always been able to count on Riley to champion his cause. Even when he himself had been burdened by emotional blindness she had remained his steadfast supporter. During the trial, she had written to him several times, and had even called him on one occasion, making sure to tell him that her mother did not know she was calling. And all this time, Lisa had been dating Mr Wonderful.
"Nope. As a matter of fact. He won’t be around much. Or not at all."
Michael had made it to the door. He was able to see Riley's face but was hidden from her view. The blond little cutie pie had transformed into a gorgeous teen, her eyes and mouth so much like Lisa's. Currently, said mouth stood open.
"You broke up? Intense! Why?"
Ben dropped a fork, and two sets of blue eyes first flew to him, then following his gaze, landed on Michael.
“Holy shit! That’s why! Michael!” Riley squealed and almost pushed over her chair running up to him, squeezing the daylights out of him. Ben also got up and strolled toward him in that gangly, awkward gate of a young man who could not decide if he was still a kid or a teen. Riley finally backed off, and Ben decided it was manly after all to give him a tight hug. Michael looked over at Lisa who blinked as if she had something in her eyes. She was such a little softy at times, despite pretending to be some hard-rock chick.
“Now, I know what Mom was singing. It was The Way You Make Me Feel! Ha! I should have known! You guys think you are so sly- so what’s this about? Someone having a sleepover?”
Winking to her brother, Riley was grinning from ear to ear, obviously deeply upset to have lost the chance of calling Lockwood stepfather.
“Michael has been here visiting, that’s all.” Lisa looked as cool as a cucumber while he felt his cheeks warm from blushing.
“Yeah, visiting alright. Over night?” Riley quipped.
“Ri! Just be happy, ok!” Ben gifted his sister with a look, telling her to shut up. Well, true to form, Riley was not shy about ribbing both her mother and Michael mercilessly for the remainder of the breakfast.
And Michael loved every minute of it!
For the next several nights, he had snuck over to Hidden Hills. During the day, he stayed busy making final arrangement for his move, all the while hoping Lisa would finally give him a definite answer, but having stopped pushing her. He also found some some time to tinker with a song he had written a while back, knowing it reminded him of the sunny times with Lisa. For too long had he been pre-occupied with dark, angry, revengeful tunes. Peace only had come with thoughts of his children- all other words and notes were a reflection of his inner turmoil. Time to let happiness back into his music.
One day, Lisa met him and the kids for lunch in town, and as before, Paris was very demonstrative in her staking her claim on her father. The only ray of hope appeared on the horizon when Lisa mentioned her horses and Paris forgot her jealousy and engaged in what was one of her favorite subjects as well.
Again, Michael felt a twinge of guilt. He had sold his horses at Neverland, having finally agreed that he had to make some changes in his lifestyle. Knowing he would soon leave the country, it made no sense to maintain the stables. Whoever had bought them had agreed to keep them on the ranch until he would leave, so the children could have access if he decided to bring them out. Not that he had any desire to go back to Neverland at this point in time. The thought itself was too painful. It was still like needles in his heart everytime he imagined the army of strangers rooting through his most private things. He had tried going back several times, but the memories associated were too agonizing.
The morning after the lunch, Lisa had approached him about spending a day together with all the children.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” He had suggested this several days earlier and she had told him to wait, not wanting to push Paris.
“Me? I’m not the issue. I’m ready. I am sure your daughter will not be too thrilled, but Riley and Ben are eager and I think it’s time. You’re leaving soon, right?”
Yes, and you really need to step up and tell me what you’re going to do, because I can’t bear to lose you now.
“That’s the plan.”
“Yeah. So, how about tomorrow? We come by and pick you up, ok?”
“Pick us up? What kind of car are you gonna bring? Your hidden minivan? I always knew you were soccer Mom material!” He giggled at her horrified face.
“No, thank you very much! I will drive one of mine and we come by Havenhurst and you can use one or two of those gas guzzlers you like to ride in.”
“Hey! They are modified and have excellent gas mileage, I have you know.”
“Sure they do. That’s what they told you anyway.”
Lisa kicked into planning mode, and he had almost forgotten the force she could be when she had some masterplan up her sleeve. She absolutely refused to share where they were going, but told him to dress casually.
“And by that I mean ‘normal people casual’- not ‘Michael Jackson casual’…” She giggled.
He was offended. “I know how to dress casually. You wound me!”
“Michael, seriously! No suit and no sparkles- promise.”
He pretend sighed and she threw herself on him, tickling him. After rolling around on the bed for another ten minutes, he surrendered to her superior tickling powers. “Ok, ok! I give, you win. No suits and no sparkles, jeeze!”
“No glove, either…”
“What?” He yelped out as she bit him playfully. She was such a mess!
A hot, sexy, tempting, crazy mess.
“Michael! Agree- I will let you wear a fedora if you have to and one of your five hundred red shirts.”
“Ok, no more biting! And no more tickling! You win!”
Lisa stilled over him, her smile triumphant. “I win?”
Silly girl! You just never learn!
He used the surprise to flip her over, holding her captive beneath him, kissing her as she struggled to break free, calling foul.
“Psych! Of course you do not win! Ha! But as a favor, I will still adhere to your strange dress code.”
Lisa started to kiss him back and proved that she indeed held her own powers, making him late for an appointment in town.
Following behind her the day of their outing, he understood her feelings the other day when he had taken her on the surprise trip to Havenhurst. Only too soon did he figure out the destination, and he was less than thrilled. So, this was probably the reason she told him to ride with his kids while she stayed in her car with Riley and Ben. Chicken!
“Daddy- are we driving to Neverland?”
“Looks like it…But..”
Before he could suggest he would call Lisa and get her to change plans, Paris and Prince started to squeal with delight, their former home still the Ivory Tower in their minds, unspoiled by the forces of evil he had protected them from. Of course, they missed their lost paradise, having been moving around between his condos, hotels, and Havenhurst. What in the world had he been forced to do to these children?
After entering the property, they did not drive toward the main complex, but up a road that lead to the stables. What was she up to?
As anxiety mounted, he felt his pulse thundering in his chest, felt sweat breaking from every pore of his body, and had to work hard to suppress the shaking in his hands. Prince and Paris chatted happily, pulling Blanket into their excitement as he labored to keep up an unconcerned face. Why did she do this to him?
Well, you have never exactly shared with her how this place makes you feel now.
True, but he had told her he could never live here again. Not after the nightmare. Of course, he also had no intention of selling it. He planned to have his children decide for themselves one day what they wanted to do with it. For now, he would continue to hold it for them. Also, it would be a poignant reminder what dreams could transform into when taken for granted and not protected.
Helping to get the children out of the car, he was well aware that Lisa had approached behind him. Taking extra time to retrieve Blanket’s things, he steeled himself to not let his real feelings show right now. And the best way to do this, was to ignore her for now.
Riley and Ben came over as well, and they introduced the children, which seemed to go pretty well. He obviously was ok about faking it around the kids. Still, he was well cognizant of Lisa’s eyes on him, trying to read him.
“Daddy, can we go in and see the horses?” Paris’ cheeks were red with excitement and it was difficult to not be infected by her enthusiasm.
“Riley and Ben can keep an eye on them- they will be fine. And we’ll be right along, right?” Lisa looked up at him and he evaded her eyes, glad he wore shades. Still, he agreed. No sense spoiling the kids’ fun.
Riley, Ben, Prince, and Paris took off running toward the building.
“I wanna go, too, Daddy!” Michael turned and talked to the nanny, instructing her to not let go of Blanket’s hand, then send them ahead.
Grabbing a bottle of water from the car, he drank from it, still fighting the urge to run. Lisa approached him and put her hand on his shoulder.
“Are you mad?”
He held on to the top of the car, bracing himself, holding still.
Mad? No, not mad. I’m having some totally psychotic reaction to my former home and I really don’t want to let you see how fucked up I am.
“No, not mad. I just wish you’d told me.”
“If I told you, would you have agreed to come out?”
“No.” He turned toward her. “No, I would not have. There is a reason I don’t come out here.”
“I know there is. And you never talk about it. There is so much you just don’t talk about. I know you must dream about it, as sometimes you say things or move around like crazy in your sleep, but you keep all that locked up so tightly. Don’t you think it would help you to let me in?”
“What? Are you a shrink now, Lise? Just what kind of miraculous catharsis can you promise me?”
He had no idea why he felt the need to be sarcastic and he could see the effect of his words on her as her eyes narrowed slightly.
Michael felt ashamed under the intense scrutiny and walked past her. For once, his inner pain was not her fault. Lashing out at her would not bring relief. He inhaled deeply.
“Sorry. Let’s just forget about it. Come on- we’ll find the kids.” He started to walk toward the stables, but was stopped by her hand on his arm. It was the slightest touch, but it managed to discontinue all movements. All, but the erratic beating of his heart.
“No, let’s not forget about it. I’m not a shrink, Mike. I’m the woman who loves you more than life itself. I have messed up so much in the past, and I know all about lashing out to keep others away. I may not be as masterful as it as you are, but I can spot a defensive strike when I see one. You can’t run forever. You have to face whatever it is that freaks you out about this place. It’s just a place. It has no power. Unless you let it.”
How he wished she was right. Sadly, she was dead wrong.
“Well, maybe not over you. You don’t believe in anything. That’s probably why you can just live upstairs at Graceland without it freaking you out. But wait- that’s not true, is it Lise? I remember what you told me: id does bring back nightmares. So, I’m right: some places do keep ghosts alive. And this place is so filled with them, I can’t escape it.”
“Oh, I don’t believe in anything, do I? Well, idiot that I am, I believe in you. Your strength and your optimism that has always made you resilient. You don’t wanna be here? Why? What, you now hate the place? So, why do you hold on to it? If you don’t want it, sell it. But the fact that you don’t shows me that you still love Neverland very much. And if you just allow yourself to work through it…”
Michael grabbed Lisa by her shoulders.
“Look. You don’t know what you’re talking about. There are some things you can’t work through. Leave it alone, Lisa. I really appreciate whatever your intentions were, and I won’t spoil the day for you or the kids. But please don’t push it, ok.”
She stared at him for the longest moment, then lowered her gaze. When she looked back up at him, he could tell she had accepted his words for now.
“Ok, fine.”
“Fine, then. So, what’s the plan?” With all his might he attempted to make his voice sound normal. Of course he was well aware that Lisa was not fooled. Very difficult to stay locked in when there was one person holding the key.
She cleared her throat. “I just thought it would be fun for the kids to go for a little ride again, that’s all. Your mother called ahead and staff will meet us up at the pond with a picnic later. Will you be ok to ride out, or do you want to take a cart?”
“Our pond?” A smile stole onto his face and her features softened in response. Lisa seemed surprised at the change in his mood. As was he. Funny, how one happy memory could chase out a busload of painful ones.
“Yeah, our pond.”
“Hope you remember to stay out of the poison ivy.”
“Well, I thought you had that problem taken care of?”
“After all your whining about it? You bet!”
“Whining? That hurt! And it was all your fault anyway.”
Michael laughed and took Lisa’s hand. “My fault? No one had you take your clothes off, lady!”
“Oh really? Whose bright idea was it to go skinny dipping? Which, by the way implies shedding clothes.”
“I really don’t think that was my idea. I have a pool right by the house. Why would I suggest skinny dipping in a pond? In the moonlight? So not my style!”
Of course it had been his idea. And she had been all for it- and enjoyed every minute- until she broke out into a million hives.
“Sure- which is why you wanted to do it again after you had the evil weeds removed.”
“Evil weeds? Plants aren’t evil, Lisa. They are part of nature.”
“Well, nature tried to kill me that night- and I hold a grudge!”
Their bantering actually helped to relax him and he even agreed to ride out despite suspecting that he would pay for it with pain in his back and joints later. Lisa, an excellent horse woman, kept Blanket on the saddle infront of her. Prince and Paris both were pretty skilled and Lisa’s kids kept them close on the little trip out.
Lying in the grass in the shade, he had to admit that Lisa’s plan had panned out. He was having a great time, and the children got along famously.
Maybe she was right. Maybe all it took to conquer his fears was to face the old memories and chase them away by creating new stories. Resting in Lisa’s lap, having her play with his hair, listening to the children laugh, he could almost believe the fairy tale.
Feeling very brave suddenly, he took her hand and kissed it.
“Hey, it’s getting late. Maybe we should stay here.”
There was a part of him that could not believe the words had actually escaped his mouth. Was he looking for trouble?
Lisa’s forehead furrowed. “I don’t know. Earlier you said…”
He sat up. The thought now had morphed into a challenge.
“I know what I said. But I thought about what you said, too. It’s just a place, right? And I still have staff here. I don’t think I want to stay in the main house, but we could stay in the guest cottages.”
“I don’t know, Michael. You seemed seriously freaked out earlier. I don’t want to push our luck.”
No, it would be fine. He would be able to do this. All he needed was her here with him.
“Luck? I make my own luck. And what are you worried about? That I will turn into some bizarre version of the Incredible Hulk and go berserk?”
“No, but you said you don’t feel right staying here. You didn’t tell me much, but you said that. Which leads me to believe there is so much more to it.”
There was so much more to it. There were constant visions of having his things ransacked after he returned from Vegas in 2003. They had torn the place apart. His staff had informed him it looked like some scary invasion. Nothing had been sacred. Nothing private.
He recalled walking through his bedroom, being in total shock at the thought of outsiders touching his things, ridiculing him, dehumanizing him. The tears streaming down his face almost went unnoticed until he became aware of sobs taking his breath. He had given so much, had worked so hard to create this small space around him that allowed him some measure of privacy. A place to receive what every other person in the world could take for granted. Privacy. A space where he did not have to worry about being perfect, where no one was judging, where he could be a person, not this thing the ‘machine’ had created.
“Lisa, you have no idea. They just came in. With their damn warrant and their damn legal right to just break into my house. They...they touched all my things. Took pictures. Things…meaningless to them...but mine. Things people have around but really don’t want outsiders to see or know about. You know? And then...it was all displayed. For everyone to see- for my family…”
His voice drifted away as words abandoned him and tears born from intense anger once again burned his eyes.
He had risen and sat now with his arms around his knees, just staring into space, suddenly deaf the wonderful sound of the kids’ laughing, the birds singing, insects chirping. Like a dark cloud, his memories deprived him of warmth and he his body was ravaged by arctic cold.
Lisa hugged him from behind, her head against his back.
“It’s ok, baby. They can’t hurt you anymore. It’s over. It’s finally over. I’m so sorry I was not there with you. There for you. So sorry, you had to go through this alone…”
He felt her shivering and the warmth of her tear through his shirt brought him back to life.
It was not important anymore. He had to let go of the pain. It was impossible to look toward a future, impossible to move on while it weighed him down.
“Are you here now, Lisa? Are you?”
He grabbed her hand and clutched it. Feeling her return the squeeze filled him with a deluge of hope.
Could it be? Was it even possible that he would not have to face this endless barrage of demons all by himself anymore?
Needing to see her face, he turned. He had to see it for himself. Words were not enough. He had to see it in her eyes.
“If you let me be, I will be there, Michael. I told you I want to make sure our lives will be nothing like that damn nightmare of mine. Baby- I want you to live, and if you need me to be there with you to get you out of this coffin you have confined yourself to, I will be right here. Don’t you know that I’d die without you as well?”
“What are you saying? Cause, I can’t take it if you’re making promises just to...” A tear slid down his cheek and Lisa reached out and wiped it away.
“Just to what? Get in your pants? Well, I think I have gotten there successfully several times.”
Leave it to her to make him laugh while tears were still streaming down his face. Only Lisa!
She leaned forward and kissed him, cradling his face between her hands. “Seriously. What I’m saying is that if you feel you have to get away to another country, I will make every effort to come with you for as much time as you need me to. I promise, I won’t leave you in your pain. If you let me in, if you let me help you, - and believe me, I have no clue how to- but if you want me, I will be there with you.”
“God, you have no idea…” Words once again escaped him. He grabbed her face and showered her with kisses.
The truth hit him: Hope did not live and die with Neverland. Hope was right here- with the people surrounding him. Once had had thought he could and would do this by himself. He had raced into battle, ready to slay the dragon. Sure, he had won, but his victory was hollow and empty, his power had been zapped, he had been a lifeless zombie wearing the meaningless laurels of his victory. But right here, right now, looking into the blue of Lisa’s eyes, he did the unimaginable: He allowed himself to see a new life in the reflection of those mirrors that showed nothing but unadulterated love and support for him.
You’ve seen it before. And it was mirage. Too good to be true. Don’t do it. Don’t trust her.
No, this was going to be different. She promised. The phoenix rose from the ashes and flew once again into the sun, ignoring all danger of crashing into the pit of despair far below.
(to be continued)
©2011 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators.
The Difference is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License
