Chapter 8
He was on stage, but for some reason could not make out the audience which was odd. Normally he could see the first rows at least. Maybe it was the layout of the O2...he still was getting used that that after all.
The bass-line of Billy Jean started to pound, and he could feel more than perceive the cheers of the audience sweeping toward him like a the wave he was about to ride. Holding the familiar pose that was part of his DNA by now, he anticipated the exact moment to start, when a loud bang brought him to his knees...
The invisible fist dug into his guts made it impossible to hear anything over the thundering of his blood. It was happening. The inescapable. The attack. The shot. He was too visible- too vilified- there was too much hatred still based on a lie.
The lie that had become the truth. How ironic to be shot during the song that had almost become like a soundtrack of his life.
No pain, only intense, internal panic. Was this it? Well, that at least was a good joke then...
“Michael, it’s fine... Do you copy? MJ..it’s all good. One of the lights blew. Overload.”
Kenny’s voice. From the damn earbuds he hated so much. Well, at least they came in good for something. Oh shit... All this...over a blown light? Somehow he was able to breathe again. Holy fu...dge! He felt light headed and almost laughed. His shirt clung to him like a second skin thanks to the gallons of sweat covering him like a coat. At least it was not blood. Small favors...
Okay...the show could go on...
Motioning over to the band, he had them start up again. As the automatic steps took over the thoughts kept racing. Some techs were about to lose their jobs! Perfection- he gave nothing less, and he required the same from his staff. A fucking light blowing out.... He huffed.
The rest of the song was a blur. He went into autopilot and was transported to that other place. The place no one could reach him. No one could touch him. Holding the pose at the end he anticipated the reaction... Something was off, though. Silence. And not the kind he loved and embraced. A vacuum, forming a wall closing in on him. Lights coming on... Three or four spots directed slam at him. What the hell....?
“What do you have to say for yourself, boy?”
The booming voice startled him more than the pretend shot from minutes ago....He looked around and suddenly found himself in some sort of court room. Only, it wasn’t any court room he had ever been in- and he’d seen his share. It was more of a rotunda...an arena...with him at the center and some bodiless judge suspended somewhere in the darkness.
“Oh...nothing...We see. Nothing now. After being all high and mighty and thinking you can beat the system. That you are oh so Invincible...Unbreakable.... That you can do what you want? You don’t wanna speak- don’t wanna address all the horrible abominations you committed?”
Joe...the voice sounded like Joe... Oh shit... Suddenly, he knew. He was not on stage. This was yet another version of the ever lasting nightmare. Escape... He could do this. If he concentrated he could will himself out of this dream. Come on...wake up...
Opening his eyes, he found himself still blinded by the garish light. Suddenly, he was cold. Looking down, he realized he was naked. Freezing...shivering...afraid...horrified. Emotions so familiar they wiped out any rational undercurrents reminding him this was not real. Could not possible be real.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. You heard the accusation. You see the defendant. You heard his ridiculous lies. We already know he’s guilty as sin. Let’s skip that part. What’s your verdict?”
“Death”
“Death”
“Death”
“Death”
The almost hypnotic words were spoken over and over. As they spoke, the jurors, wearing masks floated out of the darkness toward him. He tried to speak, tried to defend himself, but he found his vocal chords were as paralyzed as the rest of his body. He was exposed. Judged. Condemned.
A ring of jurors was formed around him. They approached. Suddenly he noticed each held a long, glittering blade. Well, at least he wouldn’t die by that shot he always feared. No...he knew what would happen. They would each cut their pound of flesh. Would take their time to watch him bleed and suffer.
As they came closer they slowly raised their hands to the smiling, white, featureless masks. One by one they came off and as he recognized each he felt the sharp edges of steel take slices from his heart... Diana, Jordan, Jermaine, Randy, Toya, Janet, Debbie, Frank, the Rabbi, ...
Suddenly he was aware of someone crying. No! This could not be happening- why was his mother here? No- please, he didn’t care what happened to him, but Mother could not be here. This was too much for her. And he needed her, needed her to be there for the children when he was gone.
“See what you did? See what you brought on yourself? If you had only listened to me..” The last juror had removed her mask... He knew it was Lisa before he saw her eyes. There was no judgment, only deep sadness.
“I didn’t want this...Don’t you know I wanted to save you? From yourself?”
“Lisa!”
His own voice startled him. Funny how her name was the only one to break through the straight jacket of his paralysis and fear.
Her hand reached out and he swore he could feel her warm touch like a comforting blanket...then everything went dark.
Maybe that’s it....maybe he could finally wake up... How odd he had fallen asleep in the first place. No wonder he feared sleep. The places it took him were too horrible to comprehend. At least with the propofol he had been out cold. Only, obviously that had not been a great solution, either.
“MJ, what’s wrong? You missed your cue like three times now...”
Kenny’s voice again.
Maybe it wasn’t a dream. Maybe he had somehow dissociated after the light burned out....
The crowd was there. Screaming. For him. It was alright. He was home. On stage. For a second a deep calm overcame him. There, all he had to do was take a deep breath and it would be all good.
The screams became louder and something alarmed him. He noticed one person was breaking away from the crowd. He was waving something... Screams...this time screams of terror as the sea of people parted.
“A gun...he’s got a gun!”
People scattered in panic.
“You damn pedophile! You’re not gonna get away from what you got coming this time...”
Someone laughed in the distance. Evan Chandler? No, he was dead- it couldn’t be him. Maybe it was Sneddon...
Then the shot. This time it was not a light... This time there was no moment of panic. Only calm recognition. And sadness. He didn’t want to leave the babies...didn’t want them to see him go like this.
When he fell to the ground, he felt the sticky blood from his chest before the impact of the hard floor. Sounds merged to a roar as the ocean of red raced toward him. Flailing, his arms automatically tried to find a hold...any hold...
“Ouch!”
What was that? Breathing hard...Michael took in a deep breath. Burning lungs, thumping heatbeat. Bile in his throat... Oh shit! Blinking, he was almost afraid to open his eyes. The light hurt. He hurt? That was great news! That meant he was alive. And from what he could tell, he was in his bedroom. Oh, Jesus- he had finally made it out of the series of a labyrinth of nightmares. And the rat was still alive. Barely. Exhausted he closed his eyes again, and rolled onto his back. He felt as if he had been beat up...or had a bad hangover. Was he sick? He glanced over at the alarm clock. Almost 7... When had he fallen asleep? Was it minutes ago? Or hours? Yeah, good joke. Like he ever slept for hours.
Assaulted by the light sending stinging needles into his brain, his eyes closed again. Still too close to sleep, he felt himself drifting off once more.
Something got his attention. An aroma. He took in a deep breath and a familiar scent he could not quite place made him feel warm and secure. Oh yeah...that’s what sleep was supposed to be like...like floating in a calm, warm ocean. Being carried by gentle waves, surrounded by a lovely breeze...
Like how he used to sleep after making love to Lisa. Hm... that thought brought with it a series of amazing images and sensations. Her lovely body writhing under his hands as he caressed her skin... his mouth pulling on her rigid nipples. Fingers stretching her dripping pussy. The way she begged right before he ate her out, his teeth on her clit, his tongue fucking her, rimming her.
And then, the oh so sweet pay back. Those blazing blue stars glanced up at him while taking her time licking him, teasing him, till his cock was about to explode... Finally, when he could not take it any longer, the heavenly moment when she took him between those lips that were made to worship his length.
Stirring, Michael rolled over and with some distant, awake part of his brain noticed that the mere thoughts of Lisa had rendered him hard and aching. A different kind of torture...those never ending dreams.
It was crazy how real they were at times. He could literally smell her. Taste her on his tongue.
God... Maybe he should just reach down and help himself out. His hand glided down his belly and he grabbed a hold of what was aching.
There was a small sound behind him...
He froze...
The mattress moved...
What in the world?
Michael’s eyes flew open, and in one tiny instant it all came back to him as he finally broke through the last barrier between sleep and reality.
Well f...antastic!
No wonder it had felt so real! Those images... They were not mirages of a long buried past. They were fresher... Way, way fresher...
And the reason for his light sensitivity was to be found in the bottles of wine he spotted on the table across the room. The soreness of his muscles was easily attributed to the incredible fuckfest with the woman sharing his bed...
Holy shit! So much for him leaving her alone. If he wasn’t so tired and his head didn’t hurt so much, he’d bang it against a wall. Like he did her.
Well, truth be told, he had given it a good try. The leaving her alone part. The banging part he had more than tried. So, as far as putting distance between himself and Lisa, he had been serious about it, too. It wasn’t right. She had something solid and didn’t need the drama he seemed to attract. After all, he had never been able to give Lisa what she needed...
His hard penis protested.
Well, okay... in that department, maybe...
Lisa stirred again and the cover slipped away, revealing her lovely naked chest. His cock jumped. Okay- fine! Maybe there was no maybe necessary!
But shoot! They were grown up finally. Weren’t they? She had a family and a husband. He had scared the living shit out of her with the almost dying thing, but that didn’t mean she still loved him like she had before. That thing in the stables...that was like some sort of chemical, automatic reaction. Not a new beginning but some sort of burial rite for the past.
Lisa had her Mad Hatter and he had his children. And this incredible difficult series of concerts. Plus, he was tired of messing up constantly. And, the fact was, it was plain wrong to always want what he couldn’t have.
Very noble, Mikey! And yet the woman you can’t have seems to somehow have landed in your bed this morning.
In his bed. Indeed.
The smile could not be suppressed... There she was...where she belonged. Michael got lost taking in her sleeping form. She looked so damn cute! Her hair falling over her face like that...
Automatically, his finger traced her shoulder. He was still almost stunned at her presence. No, not almost. He was incredulous. Just like when she had suddenly shown up the night before. Mad...and drunk... and sexy as hell. His caress caused little shiverbumps to appear on Lisa’s skin, and she grabbed the sheet and rolled over. Instinctively, he knew what came next. She scooted back and into him, seeking his body. Fitting into him like the missing piece to the puzzle.
God- her ass against his cock felt like heaven. Warm...soft... Shifting, she squirmed lightly and he felt the stickiness between her legs. Fuck! He thought they had used protection? Squinting, he tried to recall the exact sequence of events. Okay, yes...when she had basically taken his pants off and given him a blowjob and he picked her up and nailed her against the wall, he did make it to the bedroom and find a condom. So...?
Come on, Jackson, think....
His head hurt, trying to figure this out. Or maybe it hurt from the blood loss due to all his bodily fluids being way down south right now.
Okay, he also was pretty sure he used another one after finding he was still semi hard following the first round and then had carried her to his bed, turned her around and had taken her on her hands and knees, filling her hard and full as she begged him to give it to her. And he did, till she came so hard he thought he would die when he joined her in the violent orgasm.
Michael swallowed hard...
He thought they had pretty much passed out then... Except... No, shit! At some point he had woken up to being inside her again. He was making love to her in that slow, dreamlike, sensual way. Her eyes had opened in that lazy, sleepy way he loved, and he thought he’d drown in her as they stayed connected into that last mind blowing climax. That was it- that last time accounted for the remnants of his cum on her.
So, great! Not only had he broken every promise he had made to himself, had violated another commandment - again-, he also had been totally irresponsible and made love to Lisa without a rubber.
Too bad his erection was currently too painful to care about his total lack of safe sex practices.
Automatically, his hips ground into her and she moaned. His hand travelled the tempting valley of her hips. Since she was here and all... It wouldn’t be taking advantage given she had come to him.
Like a mirage. Just like when she suddenly had invaded his world again out of the blue. And against any plan he had made to put some distance between them. Yes, this time he was totally blameless.
Yes, Lisa’s assault on his good intentions and his body was all on her. After all, it was not his idea that she should show up at rehearsal suddenly. That was the canon shot that had kickstarted the latest avalanche. And no, he didn’t require rescue just yet. He’d hang out there for a bit...enjoying the near death experience.
It had been his idea to include Lady in My Life to see how it would fit into the line up. For some reason the song had been on his mind for weeks now. Some reason.. Yeah right. Didn't it always come down to the same denominator? And ever since the day in the stable it had been on the forefront of his creativity. He had been tinkering with it that day Lisa had her little tea party with Karen. Did it have to do with Lisa? He frowned...yes, no... How often had he hummed it making love to her? Caressing her. Old habits- nothing else. So, while he made the decision to maybe sing it in the shows and give it a new twist, he could not possibly have predicted she’d pick that very day for a visit. Odd how coincidences happened. And why, anyway... after they had barely had any communication since the day she came to hang out with Karen.
But sure as shit...here he had been, his eyes closed, singing those words..thinking about her. It was not about volition. Not at all. How could he sing the lyrics he finally fully understood and not be with the one woman who always would have his heart? The one woman he desperately wanted to stay with him even while his rational mind knew it could never be again. This song had given him such trouble before...before he had learned about love and loss. About loving someone so badly you are reduced to begging...to tears...to your heart breaking so loudly it deafens your pride. And so, his soul once again called for her, asking her to not leave.
And when he opened his eyes- there she was. Like an apparition. Looking...mad?
What the fuck did she have to look so pissed about? Did he hit a wrong note or something? Why was she there anyway? And how long had she been listening- standing off stage all chummy with Phillips who smiled as if someone paid him to pose for a toothpaste commercial for short, annoying tyrants? Funny to see the man holding him by his nuts and the woman holding him by his heart were both present. And not in that funny, making you giggle kind of way. His mood darkened to match the storm in her eyes, and he was about to head over there and see what hair she had across her ass. While informing her, she was not invited. Which would have been a lie, as he had invited her numerous times. Still... She had no right to show up, startle him, and then looked pissed as if he has done her wrong somehow. Women!
For a second he was sidetracked with something Kenny asked- and when he turned back, Lisa had been gone. Until she showed up on his doorstep after midnight...still mad... Furious, actually. And they should both know that their anger was contagious and could ignite long burned out suns to burn for eternity.
Helium burning... Eternal heat. Heat like the one he needed to feel now. His hand had dipped lower and he found her cauldron Bingo! Her well was nice and wet.
Mike! Stop it! She’s sleeping...
Yeah, in my bed!
Another shot of liquid mercury in his belly. The sensation going straight to his groin. How much harder could he get?
He really needed to grow a brain and stop fumbling around on his very naked ex. But shit...the damage was done and she was here... Against all hope, and against all reason...his Lisa was here. And while he knew this was dead wrong, he had not felt this content in a while. Or this satisfied and complete.
There would be a time to deal with what was going on. But right now her body was too tempting and his morning erection too pronounced to waste time with a play by play analysis of events. Even if they were oh so amazing and bewildering.
Michael started to kiss Lisa’s shoulder. He tasted salt. Remnants of sweat decorating her like a diamond sheen earlier. Oh yeah, he had worked her over good. As always, when it came to her it was never enough. His hunger was too pronounced. Skilled fingers found her bare, swollen pussy. She shifted her legs slightly and made a purring sound as he easily slid two long digits between her puffy folds. God- she felt so good down there. Her pelvis started to rock against his hand and therefore his cock. Fluids lubricated him as the sweet friction with her skin gave him just the right amount of stimulation. Biting a little path up the side of her neck he arrived at her ear, nibbling and biting.
Lisa’s sounds turned to small whimpers when his fingers found her distended clit and first glided around it, then applied some gentle pressure.
“Michael...” Her voice was thick and sleepy.
“Hmmm...” Affirmation. I’m here. For you. Always...
Pushing against her, he felt his dick against her puffy heat now, even as he continued to spread and rub her with his fingers. Michael’s other hand reached around and felt her breast. He loved to knead it and feel her hard nipple poke into his palm. Lisa’s movements became more pronounced and her moans more urgent. Was she still asleep? Well, her body sure as heck wasn’t!
Michael easily slipped one, then another finger into her hot love canal. Man! She was swollen and tight. He almost felt guilty knowing he had not been gentle the first times he gave it to her. But shit...what had she expected...and why had she pushed him like that? As always, Lisa had totally surprised and confused him. And turned him on to a point of total loss of control.
Suddenly, he felt her body go rigid. Her hand came down over his buried in her and she flipped herself around, staring at him.
Lisa was awake now! With something akin to panic swimming in her clear eyes. Panic against a backdrop of pure lust. He knew that hue well.
Michael froze as well. Still having two fingers insider her quivering pussy. Talk about a bizarre situation. What was he supposed to say? Welcome to my place?
They stared at each other.
“Morning...”
That seemed an innocent enough intro. Her eyes narrowed. Okay...maybe not innocent enough.
Not while fingering her anyway...
“Oh......” Her eyes closed and she squeezed them shut as if she were in pain. Well- remembering how drunk she had been when she arrived and how they had carried on even as they argued- and fucked... she probably was in pain.
“Shit....Fuck...”
“No, thank you on the first, and was getting to that on the latter...”
“Really? Dude.... Fucking hell! Ouch!”
“What? Am I hurting you?”
Maybe he had been too rough with her. Obviously, Lisa had not been accustomed to what he had to offer.
He started to withdraw and felt her muscles clenching... As always, with Lisa- she was full of mixed signals.
Oh wait..that’s what she had accused him of in her rant last night. That he was trying to mess her up by sending mixed signals.
“How DARE you? How dare you tell me to live happily with my husband and that I you don’t want me anymore, and then you sing that song? And you look at me...like THAT? With THOSE eyes...”
Him pointing out that those were the only eyes he had had not pacified her for some reason. Neither had pointing out that he had not invited her to rehearsal.
“Oh, really? No shit! First you beg me to come to the shows and now I’m intruding or something? Am I in the way somehow? You got something else in mind? Is that why you sing like that? Did you think some other stupid little bitch was gonna come and buy that bullshit? That song? It was all a game, right? It’s all a game to you! You push me away ‘cause you know that’s gonna drive me insane. And then you do that...you reel me back in with your crap. Just 'cause you think you can. Well, guess what, Jackson? I’m done with that! You ain’t got no clue how done I am.”
Turned out she was so done that minutes later, she was on her knees sucking him. Oh shit! Yeah- talk about mixed signals, alright!
“No...”
“No?” No, he wasn’t hurting her, or no, dont’ move your fingers from my weeping pussy?
Women!
He saw her swallow. “No, you’re not hurting me... Except I think you hit me earlier... Thrashing about...But damn! How the fuck?”
“Lisa! Can you be a bit clearer?”
She glared at him. “No, I cannot be the fuck clearer! My head feels as if a someone is beating me from the inside with a sledgehammer. And every fucking muscle in my body hurts.” Her eyes narrowed. “What the hell did you do to me...?”
He moved his fingers inside of her and she swallowed hard, her eyes going dark.
“You don’t know?”
She looked down on herself and he could tell she saw the little marks he left. But shoot, if she really didn’t know, he’d show her all over again.
“I remember some of it. I know I was uhm...upset...”
And an erupting volcano is slightly warm.
Michael rolled over and started kissing her neck. He pulled his fingers from her, using her dripping juices to rim her and caress her some more. “Yeah...you were upset alright...Bordering mad...” He murmured between kisses.
“Because of you! The way you ...you were singing that song. The song you said would always make you think of me...” Her eyes had that hint of a sad little girl.
“...let me touch you girl...” He could not resist... First, it's what he wanted to do. Second, he communicated best by singing. And third, he knew he'd wipe that lost expression away in no time flat.
Lisa stared up at him, her expression dry and sarcastic now. “I think you’re beyond the point of asking for permission.”
How he loved that little grin that broke through her eyes like the sun after a storm.
There...she didn't look all that mad anymore. Or upset. More like someone who needed a thorough kiss. His lips found hers. At first testing the waters with a tender little kiss. Their eyes stayed connected to the point where she became all blurry. Everything but the emotion in her eyes that was clear as day.
“And then...you made me drink...” She looked at him with clear accusation in her eyes. A pout securely in place.
What? He made her drink? Funny how he remembered it all slightly differently.
“You suck! Even as a host. Ain’t you got no wine?” Lisa had started to look around ...probably knowing full well there was a locked mini bar stashed away somewhere.
“I think you got enough. You’re lit brighter than a Christmas tree. And I’m not a host! I didn’t invite you! It's late for a visit...or early.” The thought to have her shown out never occurred to him. Beyond the home invasion, he was starting to be slightly amused. And very curious as to her motives. Obviously, even slushed as she was, she had a reason for being here.
Lisa has stooped her search for more liquid encouragement and stood up straight. Kinda. She swayed a bit and had to catch her balance. Bracing a hand at her hip, she blew a strand of hair out of her face.
“Oh, really? What you’re up for then? Who are you waiting for? Who are you gonna fuck to make the pain go away, Mike, hum?” Did she have to look so fucking sexy with her hooded eyes and her pout, even when she made no damn sense?
“Lisa! I’m up cause I can’t sleep. Someone just woke my staff, demanding to be let in!”
“You're security sucks. You oughta fire them if they slept."
"I guess it's fine 'cause I am up anyway.." Shoot, he just gave away something. And of course she caught it. As evidenced by her raised eyebrow.
"Oh yeah?" Then, a little Lisa-like smirk, " I know how to get you to sleep. And I can do it without killing you...kinda...”
And that had been it. The horses were in the gates and the shot was fired. Off to the races they went- and heaven help anyone trying to stop the madness.
“As I recall it, I didn’t make you drink. And I also didn’t make you get down and pull out my...”
Lisa’s eyes sparkled... and she looked down at him for the first time. When she licked her lips he could swear he felt her tongue on his sensitive flesh.
“Your what...” Her voice was deep and raspy.
“My cock...” His voice also was a hoarse whisper.
He noticed her cheeks taking on that sexy flush. And not from embarrassment, mind you. But it seemed that after all those years, Lisa still got a thrill from hearing him talk dirty.
Lisa reached up and pulled him down to her. Their kiss was deep and hot. Tongues caressing and gliding against each other. Her little hand found his straining length.
“God, you’re so damn hard...again...” She breathed into his kiss.
“Oh fuck...” It had been bad enough touching her, watching her...but to now have her hot caress on his sensitized flesh was almost too much.
“Lisa...Lisa...” Another scorching kiss and her hand applied more pressure, holding him firm, pumping him.
Lisa pushed him back and before he knew which way was up, she was kissing down his torso again while using his precum to tease his tender head.
“So...let me refresh my memory. I came over...” She kissed his nipples and then nipped at them, making him cry out. “I was mad...” Her tongue lapped at his erect peaks while her hand stopped at the base of his dick and reached down to massage his balls. Oh fuck... This trip down memory lane was not accurate but since it involved a trip down his body, who was he to object?
“You got me drunk..”
“Did not...”
Another bite to his nipples, making him yelp.
“You pushed me down and made me suck your dick...”
Michael had to laugh. Talk about selective memory!
Lisa looked up at him. She played at being serious, but he could see the playfulness in her eyes. Her hands squeezed his balls tightly.
“You were saying?”
“ME? Nothing!" He squeaked, the cleared his threat, "I’m just listening in amazement at your version of events..”
“My version?” She slid down lower...kissing his abdomen and licking his navel. Little flames shot into his penis, and he felt more precum escaping. “You got a problem with my version?”
Problem? What problem? Her hair was tickling his groin now and she had arrived between his legs. He really should stop her.
“No...none. But Lisa...don’t... Don’t do ...that...”
Shit- he wanted nothing more than to feel her lips around him again. But they really needed to shower... They were both more than sticky from all the craziness of the previous night.
“Don’t do what?” What a firm hold she had- her small hand at his base, covering less than half the length of his cock - her fingers barely reaching all the way around. God, he loved the sight of her hands on him. Looking up at him with that wicked glint in her eyes, she opened her grasp and gave him a lick from the base to the tip, taking time to circle the head and dipping into the little hole, making him jump. Holy fuck!
“Don’t do....that?” She licked her lips.
“No...I mean...shit...we... you know...we did it...several times...and...” His brain was starting to malfunction as Lisa once again swirled her tongue around his sensitive bulb imitating licking on the most amazing popsicle.
“Hm....I know... I can taste it. I can taste myself on you. And I can taste your cum...”
Shit! Michael had to close his eyes and take several deep breaths...or she was about to taste some more.
“Lisa...it...it ain’t clean...”
“Well, hold it then, and I clean it for you. Since I don’t wanna be accused of coming over and messing it up in the first place...”
Well- it seemed she was all good as far as regrets. For now, anyway... But, how would she feel once the sexual high wore off?
And how about you worry about that later, man! Like when you don’t have the love of your life cleaning off her own juices with her tongue...
“Fine...take it then...” He reached down and held himself ready for her. Knowing her all too well, he was aware of her plan to tease him mercilessly...again.knew she was about to tease him again. Only, two could play that game. She got ready to lick him and he pulled it away from her slightly. Laughing lowly, she did it again and again, he pulled it away.
“Mike! Stop it! I want it!”
“Well, then stop being a little cock- tease and take it. But take it all. Open your mouth, girl...”
Shit- at times he could not believe the way he talked to her. Especially after all this time..but shoot. When things got that hot and steamy between them they went on some kind of autopilot. And Lisa sure as shit didn't seem to mind judging from that high looks in her eyes. Being for once very obedient, she opened her mouth and sucked him into the hot cavern, making him shake from the exertion to not cum right then and there. Her hot lips glided up and down and he gave her as much as she could take- pushing it a couple of times as his hips took over. Still holding himself, his free hand brushed the hair from her face as he watched her cheeks expand. Lisa stared up at him. She backed off for a moment. “Don’t look away...I want you to watch me..I want you to know that no one can make you feel this way but me..”
Dammit! As if he didn’t know that!
Pretty soon her lips, tongue and teeth on him stole all rational thoughts. Just when he thought he would lose all control and shoot off in her mouth, she sensed what he really wanted and slowed down, giving him a minute to recover, before she tightened her lips and sucked on him one more time before letting him leave her mouth.
Michael pulled her up to him, needing to kiss her swollen lips...being turned on like hell knowing what they were all hot and pouty from. Lisa lay on top of him and she wiggled against him as his fingers found her. If he thought she was hot and dripping before, had obviously forgotten how heated she could get. He touched her turgid clit before spreading her juices between her ass cheeks, lubricating her there, hearing her moan when he touched her sensitive forbidden opening. He wondered briefly if she let the other guy.... No, he was not gonna think about any of that...not now... He needed to stay in this moment if he was going to survive all this.
“Lisa...what are you doing to me?”
“Me??” She moved her hips once more and slid on top, his turgid dick between them in a painful, yet tantalizing way. “I was asleep and woke up to you fingerfucking me...While I was passed out.”
“Yes...after you invaded my home and took advantage....oh fuck...” Lisa pressed into him and used her own dripping juices as the perfect lubrication to glide up his pole.
“You were saying?” Lisa kissed his chest and then proceeded to suck on his neck, while he attempted to reach between them.
“Woman...if you don’t stop this I’m gonna lose it right here...”
Lisa caught his hand, interlacing her fingers, pushing his hand above his head. When he attempted to use his other hand, she grabbed that by his wrist before aligning her fingers with his, then grasping onto him.
“No- don’t. Let me...”
Lisa lifted up and angled her bottom to align her hot slit with his pulsing cock. God, he loved the torture. Her lips found his mouth and another hot kiss stole his soul while she used his perfectly rigid lance to play at her opening, then jutted her pelvis forward, causing his broad tip to spread her folds.
“Lisa...put it in...I need you so damn much...”
“Am I still it...the lady in your life?” Her hips gyrated and he felt the sensitive tip making contact with the stiff nub of her clit...
Being still held by her tiny hands he stared up at her. Didn’t she know? She was his always. His forever.
“Lisa...” Words once again escaped.
She looked at him for a moment and he was not sure if she took his clumsy reply as a confirmation or denial. Ultimately, their bodies were on autopilot. And yet he was sure she’d store any information she thought she had received. He’d think about that later...afterwards...
Moving into position he knew exactly when he was aligned perfectly. They kissed, their eyes open and he bore up and into her. As hard as he was, he needed no guidance into her well lubricated warmth. Lisa closed her eyes, her skin now pink and heated. She took him and he could tell the point she was filled. The point when he knew he had more to give her still. She had held perfectly still and let him breach her inch by sweet inch. The rapture on her face was heightened his own excitement. And yet he knew there was a bit more to go. Gosh, his girl really wasn’t used to him anymore. Even after a night of being loved right.
“C’mon, Lisa... Take it...take it all...”
In a daze, her eyes opened and the brilliance took his breath away. The unique hue was illuminated by some mysterious emotional flame. Lisa lifted her torso, her hands still in his. Michael swallowed as her hips rose slowly as well. Their eyes connected, Lisa took a breath and bore down, sitting down fully on his erection. Fuck! The sensation of being pressed, squeezed, stretched, and pulled was almost too much.
Lisa moaned when she felt him hitting end ,and he noticed a rush of hot juices drip down onto his balls.
“Oh God, oh God....You are so damn big.. So hard...Oh shit...” Her eyes closed and her features showed both pain and pleasure as she adjusted to him- and the expression made him swell even more.
“Lisa...if you don’t start moving, I think I’m gon’ die...” His voice was a frantic whisper, feeling as if he was about to combust.
“Well...we...don’t want that...” She slowly began rotating her hips. Leaning down to capture his lips and suck on his tongue, she lifted up, her muscles clenching and pulling him. He quite enjoyed her control over his body and their pace, even as he wished she would speed things up a bit. Wanting some part of the action, Michael bucked up into her, causing her to moan into his mouth.
Repeating her slow gyrations one more time, taking her time to stimulate her clit against him, she then changed the angle and sat back, letting go of his hands. For a small second, he regretted the intimate hold, then got side tracked by her blushing skin. Ever so expertly, Lisa continued her sensual ride. Every stride, every time she lifted up causing his temperate to rise. Lisa leaned back more once again almost causing him to pass out from the change in angle.
Michael caressed her face, then let his thumb trace her lips. LIsa’s tongue darted out, and she first licked his thumb, then sucked on his index finger he had used to run across her upper lip. Man, she was good. Her little eager tongue swirled around his digit and his penis jumped inside its tight sheath, knowing the caress only too well. Withdrawing from her hot mouth, his hands found her hardened nipples and he playfully tugged on them, then rolled them between his lubricated finger and thumb.
Lisa whimpered, her eyes closed, and he felt her muscles quiver. When she rose again, he glanced down, mesmerized by the view of her juices coating him, dripping from the place he stretched so well.
“Dammit...I cant take much more...Mike...fuck....you feel so good...”
“Oh, you can take it, baby girl...ride me...ride us into the sunset.”
Her puffy eyes opened, “Sunrise...Break of Dawn...”
“Lisa....” his voice became choked up, knowing she understood what that song had meant to him. What it always evoked.
The warm rush through his heart rivaled the warm rush of her juices as he moved up and against her, urging her to increase the pace a bit, to give him the speed and the leverage he needed and craved. His hands had travelled down her body and he grabbed her hips, feeling her ass, alternating soft, stroking touches with rough kneading of her flesh. One hand stroked her, once again using her juices to caress that forbidden place, enjoying her moans. Once again she tightened against him, squeezing him, making it damn clear this would not last much longer.
“Yeah, you like that, don’t you...you like when I touch all your little secret places... I remember everything, Princess. I know what gets you going... I know you...”
Lisa’s eyes flew open and she blinked.
HIs free hand went between them after she rose again, teasing him, holding herself on the tip a second before he bucked up hard, bringing her down into him.
“Do, I Lisa....do I still hold the key?”
His fingers found her dripping pussy...her swollen, pulsing clit.
“Fuck yeah...oh god..Mike...I’m...I’m about to cum...oh, shit...”
Her words didn’t have to tell him. Her body revealed everything and his own responded. He brought her down into him hard, his hand pressing onto her clit while his other was busy pressing against her tight hole between her ass cheeks.
“Cum for me, girl...show me how hard you can give it to me...”
Lisa’s whimpers turned to little screams as her body tightened and she gyrated against him with wild abandon while her orgasm took her away. Michael felt the familiar burning in his spine and the tightening in his balls and jumped into the sun himself, his penis pumping his hot seed into Lisa, his soul in free fall, the parachute long since discarded. He yelped her name and pulled her toward him, finding her kiss, inhaling her breath and her screams.
Lost in the absolute captivity of their passion, their sweaty bodies pressed against each other, each being shackle and captive at the same time. Michael continued to pump into her, feeling her body milk and squeeze him rhythmically. He thought his climax would go on and on- the painful ecstasy almost making his heart explode. Every time he thought he was done, Lisa’s muscles constricted again. He wasn’t sure if she had one ongoing orgasm or if he had triggered some sort of never ending chain reaction.
Lisa clung to him, her hands braced against his shoulders. Her face was hidden in his neck and he kissed her salty shoulders as slowly, the rode the waves into the save harbor of the golden after glow.
“Lise... Lisa Marie...”
He pulled her even closer, his hand in her hair, caressing and playing, as he enjoyed the small gasps and sounds of both their breathing recovering.
“Hmmm... Don’t call me that...”
He loved using her full name. Despite her always having an issue with that.
“Princess...” He murmured against her.
Feeling her smile made him grin as well. “Okay....you can call me that.”
He caressed her back and enjoyed her shuddering. Even as it made his over sensitized, totally taxed penis jump. In a good way.
God, he wished they could stay like this forever. In that secret hiding place created only for them. Stolen moments stored away to protect against those harsh realities that at some point always lurked at the edge of paradise. The snake always ready to strike. The apple too sweet to resist.
Something rang. Lisa felt heavy on him. Well, heavy for a midget. He wondered if she had fallen asleep again as her breathing was deep and regular once more.
“Lise...was that...”
Her phone? Cause it sure as heck wasn’t his.
“That’s my phone...” she answered with her sleepy voice.
Well, if she wasn’t concerned..
Suddenly she stiffened and started to lift off him, causing him to cringe from her sudden movement. “Fuck! My phone! What time is it?”
And there is was. Never failed. Reality had landed on their glasshouse.
“Why?” Of course he knew why she asked. She probably owed someone an explanation. She was not free. She was not his. Shit, the times when she was his were so horribly outnumbered by the stolen moments, after all. And still, it burned. Another glowing red stick into a wound he had thought to have scarred over without any nerve tissue left long ago.
“Cause...” Lisa started to lift off him. At the last moment, before he slipped from her, she stalled and stared down at him. It looked as if she wanted to say something, and then changed her mind.
As he left her body, they both looked down and probably both had the same thought.
“Lisa- I’m so sorry...I...we...I really should have used something...”
“We just never think, do we?”
Well...he had thought they had decided to not do this anymore. And then she had decided to show up...
“You mad?” His hand reached out and brushed her hair to the side so he could see her face.
Lisa glanced up at him from beneath her lashes. “You know damn well I can’t ever be mad at you. For that anyway. And don’t worry- I’m okay. I mean... I haven’t...you know... And if you are clear, we should be good. Unless you started to fuck chicks without that signed health certificate.”
“I do not just fuck chicks...”
Lisa made a face. “Don’t tell me you switched teams. I mean, cool, but I’m glad you switched back.”
“Lisa Marie! For real! I mean, for real?”
Lisa giggled. “Didn’t think so... so anyway. As long as we’re both good. And act smarter next time.” She blushed
Next time?
And what did she mean she was good. Birth control wise? Or did she mean she had not had sex in a while. Which was very unlikely. Her being married and all.
God- the blade in his heart again.
And these sorts of feelings were exactly why he had wanted to back off.
As always, they left so much unsaid. And un-asked.
“So, anyway. No, I don’t normally engage in sexual activities without protection. You know you’re the only person who can make me lose my head like that.”
“And your load.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. She was a nut. “Yeah- that, too.”
Lisa’s mouth opened and she appeared to want to ask a question. Then it closed again. Probably, when it occurred to her she had zero right to ask.
“Lisa...I have’t been with anyone in ages. And last time I was, yes, she was clean, and I was using protection.”
Her head was still lowered. He tipped up her chin, searching for her eyes. “Okay?”
She glanced up. “Yeah, okay.” Interesting. Miss Lisa didn't seem to like the idea of a "last time." We'll, damn, if he had waited for her to come back, his dick might have shriveled off and died. He hadn't discovered the magnetic force of the near death experience. Last time he had been gravely ill, all that had gotten him were divorce papers. For once, change was great!
Now, if only he could come up with a good way to ask when the last time she gave it to Lucky. But no, he wasn’t ready to hear the answer. Just in case.
Lisa sat up, her back toward him. “Can I take a shower?”
He knew her well enough to know that calm, controlled voice bottled up a tornado.
“Sure. Don’t you wanna see who called, first?”
“I’ll get it later. I’m sure he...they...leave a voicemail.”
They?
Miss Straightalk didn't talk all that straight this morning.
“Isn’t he gonna miss you this morning?”
There- he just could not help himself.
She shrugged and pulled at the sheet, wrapping it around her. Okay... Someone was oddly modest this morning. Dropping panties obviously was followed by a need for yards and yards of high count linen.
“Fuck- my head is killing me. Do you have any aspirin or something like that?”
Oh, what a great escape our physical pain was. At least from answering pertinent questions.
“Demerol if you want some.”
Lisa whirled around, her eyes clearly stunned, her mouth open.
Michael laughed and pointed at her. “Gotcha!”
Lisa bent down and slapped his arm. “Not funny, you moron!”
He was still laughing. “You are so damn easy!
“That’s not funny, Michael.”
“Hey! I didn’t almost die from that one.”
“This time..”
“Oh, please, Lisa! Chill! I was kidding.” Okay, the fun was over. He was getting irked.
“You still seeing Klein?”
No, now the fun was over. Where was she getting off digging into his business. As always.
“The aspirin is in the bathroom. Leave my Xanax alone.”
“Michael!”
Great- he had distracted her. With everything going on, leave it to Lisa to pick on the subject of Arnie and his private candy store. Michael wasn’t stupid after all- he knew full well that man wanted to control him just like so many others. But he knew what he was doing. And he knew how much he could ask for and how much was too much. Still, no...after the latest scare he had been real good.
And so, without chemical buffers he wasn't in the mood for Lisa and her fishing expedition into his life. Especially as she was more than closed off about what was up with her.
“Get your aspirin and call your husband.”
If his tone was interned to be a whip, he saw it left a mark. Trying to stay stoic, she couldn't totally hide the cringe. Almost instantly, he regretted the cutting comment, but she needed to mind her own business. Lisa had always been overly sensitive to his medications. It was because of her father, he got that. But she needed to stay on her side of the line.
Lisa stared at him, her mouth tightening.
“I think I’ll shower and get out of here. Don’t wanna be accused of stealing your precious chemical helpers. You can send me a bill for the water and the couple of condoms we did use.”
“We used more than a couple, darling.”
She turned and stomped off. Wrapped tightly in her sheet. Correction, his sheet.
Michael sat up and ran his hand through his hair. Dammit! Why could she never trust him? And why did she always success in provoking him and making him feel like an ass. What was her deal? Why was she here anyway? They never had gotten around to discussing that.
“Hey, Lisa Marie?” While she was pissed, he might as well go all the way ahead. The thing was, there was method behind this particular madness. He knew full well that Lisa tended to get real honest when she was real angry. And over the years he had perfected the art of obliterating her filters.
The water started running.
Damn! Was she suddenly not to be goaded as easily anymore?
Michael lifted his legs and once again winced at the stabbing pain in his head. He sure hoped she left some of his aspirin. Knowing her, she'd pocket it out of spite. Or out of misplaced over-protectiveness. Reaching for pants, Michael changed his mind. No. This was his house she had suddenly invaded. And he was damned if he enabled her little fantasy that they had not just made love most of the night.
Getting up carefully, he steadied himself against the sudden light headed feeling. When was the last time he ate? Probably before rehearsal the previous night. And dancing had not nearly been as dehydrating as his other exercise.
When he arrived in the bathroom, the mirrors had started to steam up. He eyed Lisa through the glass. Did she have to look so damn sexy even when he could barely make out her contours?
Do you really have to see her? It’s not like your brain and your senses don’t know every line, every curve...
Well, damn sure. If he hadn’t before last night, he sure as shit did now. Just when he almost had convinced himself that he would never, ever have her with him like that again.
Why? Why had she come over? Why had she taken the water glass and capsized the boat inside? And why in the world could he never, ever do what would be oh so logical: send her on her merry way.
“Lisa?” He tried again.
The steam swallowed her name.
Fine. Stepping closer quietly, he pulled the shower door open.
Lisa stared at him, her body covered in soap. “What the fuck? Do you mind?”
“No, it’s fine- go right ahead. But I figure while you wash my cum out of you, we might have a little chat.”
Lisa’s eyes narrowed. Oh yeah. She was biting now. Clearly getting mad.
“I do mind. And if you wanna know, the first thing I did was wash any evidence of you out.”
“Great- and if you had stayed the hell away like I asked you, we wouldn’t even have this conversation. Or this need for deep cleaning.”
“I’m not having this conversation. I’m washing. And I’m getting cold. So shut the damn shower door, Michael.”
“You want the shower door closed?” His tone remained calm, betraying his inner shaking.
“Yes. And I’ll be out of your hair in no time. So, fuck off, Michael.”
Without thinking, Michael stepped into the large shower. Man- how often had he fantasized about having her in here with him. How often had he held himself, using the shower gel to lubricate himself, his hand being a poor imitation of her inner, hot hold.
Reaching behind himself, he closed the shower door with a loud noise.
“There- happy?”
Lisa stared at him, the shower plastering her hair against her skin, her features decorated by little diamond tips. Michael looked down on her, following a little stream of water, admiring her beautiful breasts and her hard nipples. Damn...maybe this had not been the best of plans. Especially as he was once again hard, his penis jutting out toward her.
“Dude- if you think Imma gonna turn the cold shower on, think again. And no, I’m not fucking happy. You said I could take a shower and...”
Michael grabbed her ridiculous, obstinate, ornery little self and kissed her mouth that was still half open in mid-tirade. Lisa struggled for about a second, her hands pushing into him, while trying to move her head to the side. Anticipating her move, he grabbed her by the chin and at the same time pulled her into his body. Well- the plan to silence her was working pretty good, disregarding moans and other odd protesting sounds. Her hands were still planted against his shoulders, but the pressure she used to push him off her waned. THen stopped. Her grip transformed from resistance to a hot grab.
Michael deepened the kiss, his tongue engaging hers, as her protests morphed into something else. What started as a gag method was now something else altogether. Maybe he could move this into an activity they both excelled at...but then he realized the questions would not go away. Only grow from the seed of his confusion and insecurity.
“There...done? Would you please stop bitching for a moment and..”
“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are! Brutalizing me won’t get you shit-all and...”
Dammit! Women! While her tone was not nearly as vehement as before, obviously she was still being a little pain in the ass. Even while her slippery body stayed pressed against his, making him almost lose focus again. Almost.
Kissing her once more, her resistance washed down with the soap, swirling down the drain. After another delicious exchange, her hand reached up and fingers became tangled in his now wet hair. He broke the kiss to take a quick breath and to slant his lips over hers differently. Lisa met him with her hungry tongue demanding more.
Ten more seconds...enjoy that electric current...that heat...that tightness in your balls...
“Lisa...Lise...baby-girl...” He kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks...
“Hm...” The heavy lids wouldn’t open.
“Why did you come?” He kissed her again, his hand gliding down her back, finding her amazing backside. His penis between them warned him to shut the fuck up and get busy. No.. He could do this... He had self control.
Lisa’s head rested against his chest for a second as the warm water created a curtain around them.
“Why did I cum?” She kissed his chest. Then became entranced by some water drops she chased with her tongue. Looking up at him he had to chuckle at her dirty little grin.
Self-control. Remember, man?
“Lisa-Marie...you know damn well I’m not talking about...that. Right now..”
“I came because you fucked me, and ate me, and probed me...and loved me...”
And if she wasn’t real careful, she was about to be fucked and probed and loved again. Resulting in another cum. Maybe joining her in an effort to get answers had not been the brightest idea.
But it sure felt nice.
Another drugged kiss, as he was unable to resist those lips and those eyes. That little body rubbing against him. Her hands exploring again. Her touch fire and ice. His nerves standing at attention, being bathed in liquid gold. His cock at fill must now, straining against his stomach, demanding his due.
While he still had blood enough in his head, he had to quickly decide how to proceed. One option was to just forget about answers. They had done without them in the past. Go on autopilot and do what comes natural. Make love. Then do the next natural thing. Rip the memories of her presence off like a stuck on band-aid. And ignore the pain and residue left behind.
And that always worked out so very well. Not...
Yes, it had resulted in a divorce and two, no, three unnecessary marriages getting in their way. The talent to communicate outside the bedroom with words had never been on either of their resumes. Funny, cause their lyrics and music tended to say so much. Oh, what he would not give to be able to listen to what she was working on right now. Her previous albums had told him so much about the things she never was able to say. He had been surprised at the depth of her insight, her pain, her anger. And her love. She was brave too- throwing it all out there. He was more into hiding what he wanted to convey under layers and layers of metaphors and similes. There was often at least a double message- if not more. Well, with the exception of Don’t Walk Away...which could not have been any clearer.
Option two was to try and be grown up. To figure this out. To talk. Communicate. As she had once begged him to talk. To see if this was anything...new. If there was a chance...
Oh God, was he really thinking like this again? Wondering about chances? Chasing the ancient fairy tale?
No- but damn. They were too old for drive-by fuckings. At the very least he had to know why she got so lost last night she fell into his bed.
His penis pressed against her and still kissing LIsa, he turned her to face the shower head, her backside resting against him now. Man- she sure was perfection. It always amazed him how she fit into him just right. Their two bodies like one jigsaw puzzle.
“Lisa... Stop playing...” One arm was across her chest...holding her into him...
“You hopped in here- and even though you told me earlier you needed cleaning, I doubt it was to have me help you wash. You ain’t that old. So...who’s playin’ ?”
“Gee, thanks. No...well, I do need to wash. But I also need to know why you came over. And why the heck you were pissed like that in the first place.”
He saw her shoulders stiffen and she moved away slightly shrugging off his arm and scooting out of his embrace. “You know what? I’m done. All clean. It’s all yours.”
What in the world was wrong? How could one person run so hot and cold? When she always used to accuse him of that! Had they switched roles? Cause it sure was odd for him to be the one asking for meaning and for communication and for her to try to escape.
Michael reached for her arm and stopped her.
“We ain’t done, lady.”
“I think you got plenty.”
“Will you stop it? I ain’t talking about sex.”
Turning her head slightly, she glanced down at his very prominent erection.
“Oh yeah? Could have fooled me.” She rolled her eyes in a very demeaning way, making him see red.
“Why do you do that? Why do you reduce everything to sex?”
Lisa looked at him for a moment. “Cause I’m dying inside trying to figure out anything else.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She bit her lip and looked down. Shaking her head, she laughed in dry, non-humerous way. “You’re too much. Suddenly you wanna talk? Oh make me talk? Didn’t you get what you wanted?”
His eye brow shot up. “What I wanted? Excuse me? Did I come to your house and sex you up? Or did you decide you’re up for a new little thrill from the one man who can give it to you right and cheat on yet another husband?”
Ouch. THat was harsh. But dammit, she made him so mad!
He saw her go pale and her jaw clenched. In another time this comment would have earned him a slap and a screaming match. Now, she showed amazing containment.
“No, Michael, you are right. You made your position very clear. I am to go on with my happy little life as if nothing happened. I have to go back to ground zero and live with the fact what while I had to think you were going to die, I am nothing to you.”
“What the heck are you talking about? I told you I didn’t wanna mess with your life. I did that for you. You made it clear how happy you were.”
“Well, that..” She turned and shoved him, “That was before you fucking decided to take your dangerous game to the next level and to test just how immortal you were. You wanted to take that shit! You asked for it- and don’t even deny it, cause you know damn straight I know you did it before. Why can’t you never, ever do it? Can’t be normal? Rules just don’t apply to you, do they? Not even rules of nature. Always pushing the boundaries. And you almost pushed yourself into the ground! Yes, that asshole doctor should have known better. But we both know our kind of money can buy just about anything if we just try hard enough to find someone without morals and ethics. And so you did. Cause you could. And you almost fucking died! And I was here- knowing that I might never see you again. Never hold you... Never tell you that I...”
Her angry eyes fired bolts at him. Then she suddenly stopped and looked down.
“That you what, Lisa? That you what?”
Why stop now? Why when she basically just told him almost dying was his own stupid fault.
Does it feel strange to hear it in her words, Mike? Cause you sure as shit said those same things to yourself. You know damn well you fucked up. Scared people. Scared yourself. Scared your children...
How he hated this line of thinking. Hated the way it made him feel. Hated her for hitting him over the head with it. Well, fine- she should vent. Maybe that was good. Tell him about her anger. But she better not stop there and tell him everything.
Lisa stilled and seemed to deliberate her next words carefully. She froze. Took a deep breath. Then it was like a curtain of resignation descended. Deflated, she shook her head.
“No. I’m not doing this. It’s noting. Nothing. You know what? Please- let’s not do this. I’m sorry I lost my head. It was a horrible, stupid idea to come by. I was upset- confused, fucked up...you name it. Crazy ass me, tramping around the porcelain shop once again.”
Fucking hell! She opened a can of worms and now thought she could slam that coffin shut again! Little coward!
“Oh, cut the bull, will y’a? You make zero sense.”
“Well, maybe, Michael, maybe it’s real easy: I came by to get laid. Cause I know that even when you don’t want me as a friend or a person, you’re still not gonna turn down fucking me. I wanted your dick. Happy?”
Happy? Yeah, so happy he could not think of anything better than to wrap his hands around her little throat. God!!!! Well, it was nice to see Lisa still has the power to get him so damn mad he wanted to shake her until she could see clear again. Well, fine. She wanted to play it all cool? He could do that any old day. He was the master at burying his emotions.
“It seems to me that it pissed you off when I told you I’d back off. And once again you came chasing after something you at first threw away. Sound familiar, Lisa? Stop playing the poor little used victim here. You don’t have a monopoly on being used. You have a husband. A family. And yet you came traipsing over here as if you’re after some drunken bootie call. Please spare us both the dramatics. And in the future, invest in a good vibrator and leave me the hell alone!”
With that, he threw the shower door open, grabbed a towel, and headed into the bedroom, slamming the door. Leaving Lisa wet and for once speechless.
How dare she? How dare she insinuate he was using her for sex? Sure, he wasn’t going to turn her down..not when he was dangling by a thread, but still...
Was it this easy? He turned her away and that stoked her fire? Did she come by to prove she could have him anytime? On a whim? Her whim? Was he a commodity to her just like he was to everyone else? To be used for their own pleasure and then to be throw away like a meaningless toy? Everyone had an angle and everyone had their claws in him. What an idiot he was. He wanted to spare her confusion and heart ache. And she was only interested in playing her damn games. Still.
Michael threw on some pj pants, and then noticed he had missed several calls and voicemails. Great! What next? Phillips had called like five times. As had Kenny. Fuck! He was supposed to have an early morning meeting. A glance over at the clock reaffirmed what he had suspected. He was over an hour late. Wonderful. Michael deleted the voicemails without listening. He was sure they contained veiled threats from Phillips and a slightly nicer, but nonetheless coercive message from Kenny. They all had been instructed to use “tough love.” Oh yeah- he knew it all. And while things had temporarily been a bit better, the luster of his rebirth was wearing off and they got back into abusive mode.
The bathroom door opened and Lisa emerged. Wrapped in a towel. Looking small and vulnerable.
“Michael....I’m sorry...I’m...”
Oh- well, someone suddenly sounded contrite. Too bad he was no longer interested what her truth was. Not while the anxiety about the meeting started to swirl inside like a tornado of fire. It was all simply too exhausting.
“I gotta take my shower. I’m late to a meeting.”
“Because of me?”
“No. Because of me. Look- I’m taking responsibility. Happy?”
“Michael...look...let me explain.”
“I’m taking my shower. I hope you remember the way out.”
Well...that wasn’t very gentleman like. He saw her cringe. Her eyes were filling with tears. Okay, maybe that had been a tad bit mean. Great- now he got to feel anxious and guilty. Trying to escape feeling like an ass, he rushed into the shower. Sadly, constant self criticism was right there with him, coating him with layers of new self hatred as he physically cleansed himself.
Who was he really mad at here? Lisa? Himself? This whole damn fucked up situation? It was more than hard to tell. This was one of the reasons he wanted to distance him from her. His loneliness. His despair. His desperate need for someone to hear him. His understanding that that could never be her again. It wasn’t fair to burden her with something he had created and he could not escape. Best to have her at a safe distance. No hope was better than this. This constant, open, gaping, bleeding, festering wound.
Half expecting she would have taken off in a blast of fury, half dreading coming back to an empty room, he found her sitting on the bed. Her shoulders slumped over. Why did he do that? Why did he unload his own inner turmoil on her? Would he ever stop? She had accused him of being poisonous to her- and maybe she was totally correct there.
When he entered, she straightened and met his eyes head on. Stopping cold, he stared at her for a second, feeling like a total ass. Having so much to say. And having no way to make the words come out.
Usually, Lisa was better at breaking through the layer of silence. In the past, it had been with tirades, bombarding him with her anger and other explosive feelings. And her pain. If the silence was stifling, the reality of her inner life had often buried him. God- why could he not just say he was sorry for the last comment? That he was confused. Stretched thin. Hanging on by a thread again. If everyone had a person they could rely and confide in, Lisa had so often been his person. Sudden hopelessness engulfed him: if he could not open up to her, what were his chances to ever connect to another human being again. Yes, he had his children. But even as he often had taken Prince into certain confidences, he knew it was not right to try and shift his horribly heavy load onto their shoulders. It was on him. God didn’t give anyone more than he could handle, but man...at times he sure hoped for a little break.
Lisa seemed calm, waiting for him to make the first move. He saw her hands playing with her towel...yeah, she wasn’t all that serene after all.
“I got a meeting to get to. I’m late...I’m ..uhm... I am..you know...glad you didn’t go...yet.”
That was as close to an ‘I’m sorry’ as he could get. Lisa sat there, staring at her lap.
The damage was obviously done. Sighing, Michael grabbed some clothes and headed back to the bathroom slowly.
“I came because I had to. Because every breath I take, every second I am not asleep or drunk, I battle to not run to you. I know we both have our own lives and our own problems. And God knows, you made the right decision when you said you wanted to put some distance between us. In my rational thinking, I know it’s for the best. I know that what I got is healthy and that my family needs me. But man...Running to you is like running toward a cliff. I know it’s bad, and I know I will get hurt. But I also know that there is nothing like that feeling I get when I’m with you. That rush that I’ve never, ever had with anyone or anything else. I gotta be close to that edge- and I never believe that the fall will come. Shit... I had buried all that, Michael. So deep. I did such a great job bullshitting myself, I even believed that all you ever were was some relationship full of regrets and pain. But when I thought you died, when I lost you- or thought I did, all that came back was what was good. Being around you is like a perpetual trip into the sun. It doesn’t matter it will swallow me whole. All that matters is that without you I’m cold and I’m in the dark. So..when you told me to back off..well, not in those words, but I got the message...when you said that, it was like you stomped out any chance... I can’t explain it. I know full damn well, we’ve run out of chances a lifetime ago. But- I was afraid that if you push me away, something bad would happen...again. And that this time...this time...” Her voice got choked up and broke.
Holy shit! He was frozen. His back still to her. Her words penetrating his skin, his blood, his heart, his soul. Why was she doing this?
Well, man, you kinda asked her for answers...
Yeah...but this? This wasn’t an answer. It was a confession. Was he worthy to hear those words? His eyes burned. His throat was constricted.
“Anyway...and then... I thought I’d go and make sure. Give myself a reality check. Get over wanting to see you, wanting to talk to you. See for myself that you’re doing just fine and that nothing bad was gonna happen. And then you sing that song. Dude- it was like you sang it just to me. And then your eyes...the way you looked at me...like there was no one else...” She broke off again. He heard in her tone how much this sudden confession cost her.
He turned around. Her blurry image the first real indication that her words brought tears to his eyes. She still sat there- talking to her hands in her lap. Looking so small and forlorn. Lisa took a deep breath and looked up at him. The sight of a single tear sliding down her cheek broke his heart. She wasn’t hysterical and she wasn’t angry. If anything he marveled at her containment.
“Dude- I got so fucking mad, I could have ripped your head off... You pushed me away- and then you pulled me right back in. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but please....”
Please? Please what? Stop? Continue? Well, it was a redundant question anyway, ‘cause he wasn’t playing. This was serious.
“Lisa...”
“No, you asked and I’m gon’ tell you. All of it. I was meeting Sarah for dinner in London, so I got there, really pissed off. And I drank...a bit too much maybe.”
Well, that part he had already figured out.
“I called ...home...and told them I will stay in town. And I think I took a cab - I swear I don’t recall telling him to come out here. But see? That’s what happens- I have to come. I have to be around you... Even if it kills me.”
He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. HIs heart was racing and his stomach felt as if he was about to throw up. Unsure where the sudden panic came from, he started at her, feeling the sweat start to pour from his pores.
His mouth opened, then closed.
Lisa’ lips turned up in a little sad smile. “Bet you’re glad you asked, hum.”
Needing to steady himself, Michael reached for the bathroom door handle. Lisa obviously mistook his automatic motion as a flight attempt. She bit her lips and lowered her eyes, then started to get up.
“Okay...I let you get ready now. I see you gotta go. I ....I just thought...you...you should know.” I’m gonna get out of your hair now.”
Before he knew what was happening, he was over there, next to her, pulling her up by her shoulders. Pulling her into him. Grabbing her as if she was the absolute last lifejacket on his titanic.
“No, don’t...don’t...don’t..please don’t...don’t...” Every ‘don’t’ was marked with a kiss. To her head, her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her jaw. Tasting her tears, he found her soft lips. Gently, he tested their texture first with his own lips, then his tongue. Hesitantly, Lisa returned a small kiss. He broke away and looked at her. Her eyes were clouded. Full of pain she tried to hide. Uncertain. Almost scared. His palm stroked her cheek, cradling her face.
“Michael...I don’t wanna make you think...it’s about...you know... What I said before....”
Another kiss. This one slightly longer. Still very light. Tentative...but already stoking that fire that never died. That couldn’t die. Cause it was lit by something beyond their power. It was holy. Like the eternal fire in a temple. Always guiding them home. Always offering a save shelter, no matter what other madness loomed outside.
“You don’t want my dick...?” His eyebrows were raised and he gave her a silly smile.
Relief registered across her features. She knew a peace offering when she saw one. “I wouldn’t quite go that far.”
Brushing her hair from her face, holding it back by cradling her face, the next kiss was more determined as he already was well aware of that swirling in his belly. His tongue stroked and seduced, begged entrance. Moaning, Lisa’s head fell back and she welcomed him in, her tongue caressing his, snaking around it, her kiss matching his rising intensity and urgency.
“So you are using me for sex...” He whispered as he kissed a hot path from her mouth to her ear, sucking and licking. One hand removed the loosely wrapped towel from her body, just as she reached for his around his hips.
God, he wished he could have a deep discussion, matching hers in honesty and revelation. But women were the stronger gender. This night had taken so much out of him. In so many ways. And now her honesty had given him something else to chew on. He needed time to digest it all. Needed to figure out where to go from here. But beyond anything else, he needed her. Her body, her words, her presence. Her comfort and her escape. So much pain, so much loss. Didn’t he deserve this little refuge from it all?
“If you weren't’ so damn usable...” Typical Lisa, she matched his tone, knowing instinctively what he needed at the moment. She also knew what his body needed as it strained against hers, his cock hard and throbbing. Her little hand making contact, closing around him.
“It’s a problem...” Michael’s hands stroked and massaged down her back, finding her fine ass, pressing her soft flesh as he pulled her into him. Lisa reached up and pulled him down to her, her mouth now greedy and hot.
Still kissing her, Michael picked her up, causing her to squeal. Within a couple of steps, he was at the bed, dropping her onto the mattress unceremoniously. “Hey! Jackson...I thought you had a meeting to get to.”
“Fuck the meeting! I want you to show me how you’re gon’ use me. And make it worth my while woman. And while we’re at it- Imma use you for breakfast. So spread those pretty legs real wide...”
Her eyes now smoky and hot, Lisa smiled up at him, her eyes already hodded and tempting. Suddenly very obedient, she spread her legs wide open for him, one hand playing with her nipples, the other dipping down to her already swelling pussy.
“Like this?”
“Oh yeah...Just like that...” He watched her play with herself, reaching for his aching cock, stroking it slowly. Lisa liked her lips, and the dripping juices from her opening attested to her approval.
“You’re just gonna stand there and look... With that weapon in your hand?” Her voice was dark and husky. Small fingers played at her opening, before she stuck one finger in...causing his penis to engorge more.
“No- I’m gonna eat you real good, girl. Eat you out till you scream and beg for mercy...”
She smiled, withdrawing her finger, rubbing the juices around her little nub.
“There you go..good girl...get it nice and warm. Is it ready to be eaten yet?”
Licking her lips, Lisa brought her finger to her lips, sticking out her tongue, licking it, before sucking it into her mouth. Fuck...his ball drew up tight...
“I don’t know...you tell me...” She dipped it south again, rimming her juicy cunt, then stuck the finger out to him. Okay, that was it. All his control left as he joined her on the mattress, holding her hand by the wrist, sucking the lovely, tasty digit.
“Hmmm...”
Lisa sat up and reached for him. Laughing lowly, Michael pushed her back and moved from her grasp. “Oh no... you just lay there and play with those lovely titties...Let me do my job. And after you come, Imma turn you around and fuck you long and hard from behind...I want you to feel me ...till the next time you use me...”
And with that he kissed a path from her knees to her thighs and oh so close to her pussy...then held back and repeated the same treatment for the other leg. In no time, his little Lisa was begging, writhing under him, calling out his name, dripping onto his tongue.
And while he didn’t just make her cum with his mouth once, he did turn her and entered her hard...giving her full, hard strokes...losing himself in her body. And knowing he had never been this found in a very long time.
When it finally was time to let go and share an earth shattering climax with her, he felt like dying and being reborn at the same time; and the only thought remaining was that he was never, ever, going to let her go again.
(to be continued)
©2013 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. ABSOLUTELY no disrespect is intended to any persons portrayed in this work.
