To Have and To Hold- Chapter 12

12

It was so very, very tempting! But no- violence would not serve a greater purpose here.

On one hand, what Michael really wanted to do was punch the flipping idiot in the mouth.  For old time sake- and for having found out he had actually dared to lay a hand- and  more, even if only slightly more,- on his wife while the ink on the divorce papers was still bleeding onto the carpet.  On the other hand- Danman’s face was priceless.  There were many different ways to get revenge- and Michael was just getting started with the fool.

Surprisingly, Lisa played along- or maybe she simply was too worn out to fight back.  Of course he knew what her outbreak of sudden humor was about.  Inside, she was probably shaking her head at his cockiness. He could just hear her say, “Michael you’re too fucking much.”  But yea, so what? Hearing her laugh almost made his mad-dash to get to her worth it.  No, no almost to it.  He had been frantic for two days, while he was trapped playing happy husband with Debbie, having some public appearances he could, hard as he tried, not postpone.

Those two days were a horrible blur.  He had no idea what he had done, whom he had shaken hands with, or what he had said or done.  He remembered the omnipresent flashlights, lighting the highway of his racing thoughts as he feared he would be too late.  Janet was his lifeline- and she kept him as informed as possible, which obviously was difficult, as Priscilla tried her best to monopolize any information. Then, first the incredible relief that she had indeed, not attempted suicide, followed by renewed concern about her having had gallbladder surgery.  Of all the things? It all sounded so wrong.

Once he received the information about which hospital she was in, he ordered crazy amounts of flowers and stuffed animals.  If she ever had thought she had not been on his mind, he would certainly correct that impression.  True, he had pretended to be over her, to have evicted her from his heart, but seriously?  Why would she ever believe that- even for one minute?  Had she been able to fall out of love with him just because they were apart for a bit?  He certainly hoped not.  So, why so little faith in him?

Possibly, because you had it conveyed to her that you folded and slept with Debbie.

No. He swallowed and fought down the nausea.  It had not happened like that. He had simply converted a slight loop hole in a perfect plan to an ironclad remedy.  Lisa would understand.  She loved her kids- she would do anything for them.  So, how could she hold against him that he had to ensure to keep his children?  Basically, it was the gross equivalent of a handshake.  He shuddered.  It was done- over with, and he now could venture forward.

When Lisa had brought it up last night, he almost was stunned. 

Yes, Mike, funny, how just because you pretend something didn’t happen, others have a longer memory.

If he could take back one thing, it would be the idiotic, vengeful move to fill Lisa in.  She would never have known.  She would never have believed it. Heck, there were times, he didn’t believe it.

Unlike when she told him about Danny- which he knew to be true the moment he heard the words hit his heart like blow darts.  No, he would never forget that this opportunist once again had swooped down on Lisa when she had been weak.  That man was dangerous- seemed like he had seriously underestimated him.  Before, he simply thought he was annoying.  Now- he wondered how much damage Keough and his damn cult had caused Lisa. 

Walking into the room last night, he had been shocked to see how pale and frail she looked.  How much weight had she lost since November? She had already been tiny then- and now she looked downright anorexic.  Delicate…vulnerable…  Stepping up to her bed, his fingers had brushed her cheek to assure himself she was alive.  The most perfect Sleeping Beauty. His poor little girl.  Tears had flooded his eyes. 

It’s okay, baby.  I’m here now.  No one will hurt you again, I swear.  Not you, not those bastards and their ridiculous cleansing bullshit.  No more isolation and silence, no more poisonous potions- I will make sure you get to heal the right way.  And they better get out of my way.

Her skin felt cool, scaring him more.  He touched her small hand- and noticed her fingernails- gnawed down as far as she could.  Michael shook his head.  There- he could feel her pulse…it was fluttery. But steady.  She was ok.  He would sit right here with her and make sure her heart would beat to the right rhythm- he would will her to get better.  He had enough strength for both of them right now.  Holding her hand in his, he watched her chest rise and fall.

Of course, all illusion of weakness had been wiped away when she woke up, sniping at him.  Relief had flooded every cell- she must be ok if she could attack him.  His fierce little woman was still alive and well inside that delicate shell.  It was ok. She could call him names, she could be mad, and she could be an obstinate pain in the ass.  What she could not do was make him leave.  And, surprisingly, she agreed to let him stay.  Not as if he would give her a choice in the matter.  As for her insignificant little side-kick with the face stuck on ugly, that mutt was sure as shit not going to scare him off with his growling.

“Jackson, you better turn straight around and head back to wherever you came from- she doesn’t want you here.  You have no right to be here.  Tell him, Lisa- and stop laughing. Really- have you gone nuts, again?  Stop this crap.  Kick him out.  Now.”

This dude was so horribly ridiculous! When would he ever get the clue?  And how dared he talk to Lisa like that?

Michael reached for Lisa’s hand.  She had stopped laughing now and looked from Danny to Michael as if she was simply not certain this was real. At least she didn’t move her hand- as she had earlier when Keough had held on to her.  Oh, he had caught the little gesture.  As soon as he entered the room he had seen the clown’s little puny fingers on her.  He always thought dude had hands like a girl.  And well, what they said was true… Tiny over here better have enjoyed the little feel he  coped. His days touching Michael’s woman were over.  He was back in town and back in her life.  And about to lay down the law.

“You better stop talking to her like that, man.  She’s sick- and you shouldn’t stress her.”

“Me? Stress her?  You are crazy, just like they say. Lisa, please tell me you’re about to kick this fool out. What the fuck?”

“Man, if you can’t stop cursing, how ‘bout you get out and find something to do. I’d tell you to go to work or do something useful, but my guess is you’re still living off Lisa.”

Keough started to step toward Michael in a threatening manner, and Michael simply stared up at him with murder in his eyes.  This guy better not fuck with him. He was prepared to be civil, but he was no afraid to lay him out, either.  And he’d make sure he would get the most bang for his buck- luckily they were in a hospital already, and Danny-Boy would not have far to go when he was done with his ass.

“Okay, Michael, Danny- you both cut it out.”

“Lisa, you cannot possibly be serious. You….he….”

Danny gestured from one to the other, speechless for the second time in minutes.

“Michael- could you please give me and Danny a minute?”

What?  Why the heck did he have to leave?  He flew for hours and hours, had not had any sleep, and really had gone out of his way here to be with her.  What had Keough done? Other than being a pain in the ass?  And possibly, he had watched the kids last night, which did not qualify him for a national merit medal. How hard was it to watch your own children?

He opened his mouth to protest and Lisa grabbed his arm with her free hand. 

“Please?  You and me- we…we got stuff to get straight, but I can’t talk to you in peace if you and Danny go at each other like this.  I’m sure you have to check in with your family, your wife, or someone, seeing you are supposed to be in Europe.”

Bingo. He was supposed to be on a whole ‘nother continent- which should move him up on her priority list.  But ok, she looked like death warmed over, so he was going to cut her some slack.  If it meant he would be able to talk to her and get rid of Mr. Cranky here, it would even serve a greater purpose.

“I don’t like leaving you with him.  Look what happened…” He shot an angry look over at Keough who once again seemed to be short of breath.  Maybe he drank too much beer. Or smoked too much. Or both.

“For heaven’s sake. I had gallbladder surgery- I was not pushed off a roof by the father of my children.  I am perfectly safe here, Michael.  Really, your concern is- ah…sudden. I don’t  get what…how..but…we’ll talk.  In a minute.”

“Fine.”  He pouted now. What the heck was sudden about his concern?  Sure he had been upset with her- but so what?  How many times had they been upset at each other in the past- and then something had happened and they’d get over it.  His fear of losing her had made all the other crap disappear.  During those horrid hours of not knowing if she was alive or dead had he had begged God on his knees to please give him another chance to talk to her.  Just to see her, to touch her, to make her see how much he loved her.  Despite her mistakes.  Despite his errors in judgment.  He had become convinced that the divine reason behind Lisa’s illness was to knock him upside his head and make him realize that he needed her and loved her.  That his life would be empty and without color if he lost her.  Could she not see the same thing? 

Maybe it’ll take her a minute or two to get over you ignoring her calls, her letter…her existence. 

Ignoring the stupid pang of guilt, he started to get up, and huff out of the room, slightly miffed that she seemed too concerned about Danny-boy’s tender feelings to appropriately value his efforts and the pain and anguish he had been through for the past three days.  However, his arm didn’t follow the rest of him, and he noticed that she was still holding on to both his hand and his arm.  The familiar gesture made him beam inside.  Looking down, he saw her huge eyes pleading with him.  Immediately, the ice starting to expand its crystals around his heart like a cage melted into insignificance. Oh, God- what was that light he thought to detect?  Was that the love he had though he’d lost?  Soothing warmth spread in his stomach and his nerves calmed down.

He smiled down at her and immediately was rewarded by a softening in her features. 

“It’s ok, baby. I do have to check on …some things.  The nurses told me I could use one of their offices.  Don’t be too long, ‘kay? And- don’t let little things upset you.” he shot an accusatory glance at the other guy.  Smallfry looked as if he was about to stroke out.  Good. He caught the hint.

“Thank you.” She raised her face to him and he captured her chin before letting his index finger test the smoothness of her jawline and her cheek.  Bending forward he kissed her, allowing his lips to linger just one moment longer than a friendly peck would last.  Lisa kissed him back, her lips soft this time, her breath a sigh against him.  It was all a bit confusing how she went hot and cold, but hey- he’d take it if it came with the sweetness of a kiss.

When he straightened, he turned and gifted Danny, who looked like he was about to barf, with a signature cocky smile.

That that, you loser.  I am back for two hours and you are nothing but ancient history. 

After several phone calls, including one to make sure Prince was alright with his nannies and nurses, he checked in with his sister to kill time.

“Mike- I have been trying to get in touch with you- why the hell don’t you ever return your calls?”

“What is this?  A return call, right?  So, pipe down.  Where’s the fire?  You didn’t have to leave like ten messages. I got the idea of you needing to call me after one. But I didn’t want my plane to crash so I waited till I was here and then…”

“Plane?  Please tell me you already flew to Germany.”

“Why? Oh- no. I was going to- but I flew back to the States real quick.”

“Mike.  People go down to the coffee shop for a bagel real quick. They do not fly to other continents. Please tell me you are not in Florida.”

“Ok, I won’t tell you.” He giggled now.  Then he remembered he was annoyed with Dunk.  Why had she tried to tell him to stay put and not see Lisa?  As he heard in twenty versions in her fifty messages.  Redundant much?

“Jesus! Didn’t you get what I said?  She was afraid to see you- she was healing…she…”

She almost died.  And he needed to be there with her.  He needed to talk to her, to make things right.  To make her see… What exactly, he was not all that sure yet.

“Jeez, Dunk, what was I supposed to do? Turn the flipping plane around?  I needed to see her.  And you’re damn right she was healing.  Those fucking lunatics about killed her.”

“Are you high? No one tried to kill her.  She had a messed up gallbladder. And you need to stop thinking about what you need.  I thought you agreed to back off. I thought we had this covered.”

“We did- till they tried to kill her.  Janet, seriously- she is 29.  How many 29 year olds have gallbladder surgery?  And after what you told me about some bullshit mercury poisoning from dental work…  C’mon- don’t be so gullible.  They…do you know what they do…? They...” He suddenly realized where he was.  In Clearwater- one of their hubs.  He better shut up. Lisa was not safe- not here, not in a semi-public place where he could not protect her.  They had doctors and nurses on their membership roster, too, he was sure.

“Michael?  Really- you need to check the paranoia again.  Lisa had some problems and was sick- it happens.”

“Yeah, whatever. It ain’t gonna happen no more.  Not while I’m around. – So anyway, are you still here, too?”

“In Florida, yeah.”

“Good. ‘Cause I gotta fly back soon. I got a concert on the 31^st in Bremen.  I need you to be my eyes and ears. And I’m gonna hire some body guards for her.  People not in that stupid sect.  People working for me.”

“And you think she’s gonna let you do that?”

“I’ll talk to her.  If I ever get the other guy and her crazy mother away. Well, her mother actually has not shown up. Wonder where she’s lurking.”

“She can’t be far. She was here yesterday.  If Danny is there, I’m sure Cilla is watching the kids.”

“Yeah, another thing I don’t like. I don’t want them to have access to the kids.”

“Michael, really. No one will hurt Lisa’s kids. Certainly not their father and grandmother.”

“If you say so… But anyway…here is what I need you to do…”

Janet could protest as much as she wanted, but he knew she loved Lisa and despite her being hard on him about being paranoid, he knew she’d help him out.

Minutes later, he had just started to pace in the room, growing more and more impatient, considering busting into the room and kicking Keough out, a nurse informed him with a very sweet smile that Miss Presley was ready to see him again.  He thanked her politely, and it seemed she was going to ask something, then changed her mind. Michael laughed and offered to sign something for her if she wanted to- it was so sweet when people tried to hold back to be polite.  The young woman lit up like a Christmas tree, informing him that her little boy was a huge fan- so he signed what looked like a medication chart. He also had her give him her address to make sure to send her son a small souvenir later. 

When he came back into the room, Lisa was not in the bed, scaring the crap out of him. His heart dropped – crashing his good mood.

“Where...?” All feeling left his toes and his head felt dizzy. This was one adrenaline rush he did not need.

“Oh, she is in the bathroom with another nurse, helping her to clean up.”

Holy shit! It’s ok, Mike.  She’s just getting cleaned up. She is ok…She’s ok…

The mantra was repeated over and over like a prayer.

Feelings returned to his chest again, loosening the icy grip that had squeezed his heart. God-he was so afraid to take his eyes off her.  How in the world would he manage to go back to do a concert? She was so vulnerable. 

“Should she be up already?”

The bathroom door opened.   Lisa peeked out.

“Yes, she should. And she just got her catheter out and can use the big girl’s toilet.   So she can the fuck go home.”

Michael looked at the nurse. “Can you please tell Miss Presley she just had surgery and needs to be taken care of by professionals?”

The nurse chuckled. “Well, mostly, it’s a good sign when our patients want to go home.”

“Yeah, tell him. Plus, why’d you say ‘professionals’ with such ‘tude, Michael?”

Lisa slowly walked over to her bed, then decided to sit in the armchair instead.  Did she have to act all strong and bad-ass?  She needed to lie down, not prance around.

“No reason…Shouldn’t you be in bed?”  He was not going to get into his suspicions in front of the staff.  They seemed nice enough, but he knew there were spies everywhere.

“You are so sweet. Did your wife teach you nursing tricks?  - You know,” she looked over at the nurse who was collecting charts and was ready to leave the room. “Mr. Jackson here is married to the word’s most wonderful nurse. She exceeds in getting her patients to marry her.  And she also is a specialist in in-vitro fertilization.” 

The nurse looked a tad bit uncomfortable.  Yeah, he knew the feeling.  Debbie always caused him similar discomfort.  Which was why she mostly anywhere but with him.  She had really only been around for the recent photo-opp on March- and then would join him for more publicity shots in France later in June.   Since she basically had forced his hand to sleep with her, he had not been able to stand her around much. Hard to imagine he had once considered her such a close, selfless friend. 

The nurse took Lisa’s blood pressure one more time and he took the opportunity to wander around the room, looking at the flowers he had sent.  Smelling them, arranging them, admiring their beauty.  The unique, natural beauty as well as the fragility of their colorful vibrancy once again made him think about how accessible Lisa was to the forces of evil.  Like a new, tender bloom, the destructive hail kernels of their misguided hatred could crush her in one clean sweep.  Michael knew they hated him.  He was well aware that they at first supported Lisa’s relationship with him to lure him in- to add him as a feather in their mad-cap.  A feather made of green-backs.  In their greed they had neglected to notice that he played them just as they thought they were using him.  He needed their support to get Danny to back off. 

Then, as it became evident to them that he was not going to join their cult, they started to pressure Lisa to get him in- or leave him.  At the same time, he started his more subtle campaign to return her to the faith her father supported.  Elvis had hated them- called them out for being the bastards after his money he knew them to be. But they were so much more than simple money and power hungry lunatics.  Much more dangerous- and not to be underestimated.

Lisa had confided in him some things about their drug treatment programs, as well as how they dealt with people suffering from mental illness.  Just two years ago a young woman had died after being in their “care.”  Lisa herself had been so close to breaking away from the madness- then, as their marital ties weakened, her shackles to the mother ship had once again been fastened tightly.  It could not be a coincidence that her renewed enthusiasm for the ‘church’ and her breakdowns occurred in such quick succession. 

The nurses finished up and reminded Lisa to keep drinking her juice and eat her Jell-O.  If she was good, she would actually be allowed to eat soup and crackers for lunch. He would see to her being the best patient she could be.

After they were finally alone, Lisa sat in silence, looking down at her hands that nervously played with her robe. Silence droned on, only interrupted by the rhythmic ticking of the hospital clock.  Why did every hospital have those ugly things in their rooms- and they were annoyingly noisy.  Anyway…There was so much he wanted to say.  So many things he wanted to tell her, so much to apologize for- and so many feelings to convey.  As always in such situations, the intensity of his emotions tied his tongue and immobilized his ability to communicate.  He bit his lip, combing his mind for all the wonderful phrases he had practiced on the plane. Where the heck had they all gone?  His mind was empty. 

He was about to jump out if skin with nervous energy when Lisa bravely stepped up to the plate.

“So- here we are.  Danny left to give us an hour.  That’s all I could get him to commit to. Plus, he’s getting the kids- so whatever you came here to say, you gotta make it fast.”

Great, no pressure there.  And why did he have to make it fast?  He wanted to see the kids.  He had missed them horribly.  He’d take his good ole time- Keough was so not the boss of him!

“Well, he ain’t gonna set my schedule. I flew here from Paris to see you in person. If he doesn’t like it, he can take a long walk off a short pier. I hear they have many here in Florida.”

Lisa chuckled.  Good she was not mad.  Or at least not so mad she lost her sense of humor. Michael stepped up the chair she was sitting in and sank down, crouching next to her, bring himself to eye-level with her.

“Lise- let me look at you, girl.  You still look so… weak.” He covered her cold hands with his, squeezing them, keeping them blanketed with his grasp.  How had he forgotten how tiny she was? 

“Does that mean I look like shit?” She looked at him with a quizzical, lopsided look.

He had to laugh. “Never that. You are the most amazing, most beautiful sight I seen in forever.”

“Man, I feel sorry for you.  But what’s up with you? You’re oddly nice.  I mean…compared to last time I saw you. Did someone tell you I’m gonna die or something?”  Another sarcastic grin.

“Don’t even say that. You’re not gonna leave me.  I’m not gonna let you.”

Lisa regarded him seriously now.

“No, you are the only one who can send me away to exile.  And then you come riding back in like some sort of knight returning from a quest.  Mike- what the hell?”

“I never sent you away. I…we had…a…a…quarrel. That don’t mean I don’t care.  That I don’t worry.”

“A fucking ‘quarrel’?” she laughed out in her cynical way.  “Is that what we had? And funny how you show you care.  Now.  All I had to do was almost die?  You must be going soft in your old age.  Michael- you told me to never bother you again.  You refused to talk to me. You basically kicked me out of your life.”

“How does all that matter right now?  You wanna go there?  Well, you said you cheated on me- was I supposed to be happy about that? Call the dude and ask him for a threesome? What?”

It was hard to keep his cool when she refused to see reason.  That all was in the past.  It didn’t matter anymore.  Not to him.  As he stared into those dark blue eyes, he started to realize that it seemed to still be important to Lisa.  Man! And she accused him of holding a grudge. What was he supposed to do?  How could he make her see? He’d do anything she’d ask. 

“No- and I didn’t cheat. We were divorced.”

“For like two seconds- shit, Lisa.  It about destroyed me when you told me that. After we…we just….made love and I thought….”

“You thought, what? Your wife was on her way up, Michael.  What were we going to do? Ride off into the sunset as she flew after us on her special build pregnancy broom? It hurt you that I reached out to the only friend I felt I had left?  Months ago?  Well, guess what? It hurt me when you kept pressuring me to have a child.  It hurt when I tried month after month and nothing.  It hurt when you informed me that you would take her up on her insane offer.  When you tried to blackmail me. It hurt when I found out you knocked her up while we were still together- and don’t even deny it.”

His mouth opened and closed.  Ok.  Well, if it was out, then maybe he should just shut up and let her have her say.  At least that would give him enough time to come up with his side of things.

“It hurt when you didn’t wanna fight for me- for us. And it hurt when you knocked her up again- divorced or not. And then to be asked to stand in on the wedding night.  How you think that felt? And then- then you had to top yourself and you had her tell me you fucked her…really Michael?  Do you hate me that much?” Lisa’s eyes were full of tears now, and her voice was chocked.

God! Her pain…it was right there- in the tone of her voice. The dark screams in her eyes. He felt like shit.  His chest was tight and his throat felt constricted.  When a tear left its sapphire casing and rolled down her cheek, he reached up and brushed it from her skin.  God, what he wouldn’t give to take all her hurt away.  But he couldn’t do that looking back.  His power was now- and in the future.

“Lisa…Never…I never…I love you. So crazy much. Don’t you know that by now? I was hurt and I was angry.  The image of you and him…I couldn’t stand it...it was burned onto the back of my eyelids- always there, taunting me.”

“So you had to go and do her?  Her, Michael? That troll?  Really? Do you love her now?  Is that it? You’re with her for real?”

Her vocal chords were cloaked in burning acid, making her sound raw and hoarse. Every syllable carried a precarious missile loaded full of explosive anguish that detonated when reaching his ear drum. 

Staring at Lisa, he leaned in closer. Another tear made its way down and cut a deep path into his heart. No, no, no- this was not what this was about at all! Not about that kind of love.  It was all about the love and sacrifices he was prepared to bring for his children, not Debbie.

“Lisa, no. It was not about that.  Why would you think that?”

“Because I know you- you don’t do that…not unless you love her.  What am I supposed to think? I mean, I get it. We’re divorced and you and her are married.  But…you said…” her voice broke and she averted her face for a second, squeezing her eyes shut.  Then, with determination, she took another deep breath. “You said, you loved me. Before I told you about…about my mistake..about what I did.  Did I do that? Did I make you love her now?”

“Lisa…baby…” Her hands slipped from his hold, and this time and he felt his own tears burning through the haze of the aching.  His pain- her pain…mingling and amplifying- getting out of control like leaking poisonous gases: choking both of them, breaking down their defenses, leaving them gasping and bleeding.   No, he was not going to let her do it- he would not let her sever the feeble lifeline they were to each other.  Not ever again. 

Michael’s hand captured her cheek and he felt her stiffen before she did the unexpected and leaned into his palm. 

How had I ever thought I was over her? 

He was not sure he could trust her, but dammit, he knew with absolute certainty that he loved her beyond reason.  It was dangerous and risky- Lisa was the only one who could get under his famous rhinoceros skin. Did she know the power she held over him?  If she did, would she destroy him?

The question seemed to be totally invalid, though. Because, either way, he would die if she left him now.  He would die if anything happened to her.  Part of him would go on, go through the motions of everyday life.  He’d be able to play with his son and love him- but all other joy would be robbed from him.

“ No- Princess, no. I don’t love her.  It was something…something I had to do… I can’t even get into that. But please, please, you say you turned to him because of pain and to erase what had happened with us- the ugly part.  The hurtful part.  What happened with Debbie and me- it had to be done.  It…”

Lisa’s eyes were closed again and Michael was well aware of the struggle raging through her.  Oh, he knew of the images she fought- and he felt her efforts to push them aside.  Hell, in the tightening of her jaw and the swallowing of the bile he recognized the exact reflection of his own conflict.

Lisa’s hand came to rest over his lips.

“Don’t.  Please. Don’t tell me anything else. I don’t wanna know.  I wanna forget.”

His hand once again held her fingers – this time against his breath.  He kissed her fingertips gently.

“Baby-girl.  Forget everything but what you are to me.  When I heard how sick all this made you…when I imagined all your struggles… I swore, I’d leave you be. I swore I would back off and that it was better to be far, far away from you. But Princess, then I had to be faced with fearing for your life…you just don’t know.  You can’t know what it feels like.”

“Michael- but I do. I felt all that before.  When you had the break down- I was going  fucking nuts. And they wouldn’t tell me anything. And I got that note – that you appreciated my concern but did not want to see me in person.  I mean, shit! You acted like you didn’t want me there…you have no idea… Or maybe, you do… Now…”

Another incident he wished he could forget.  That whole time period was such a nightmare. He had decided to make things work with Lisa- and then Debbie turned up with her news that the in-vitro had taken. At the same time, he lied to himself that things would work out, that Lisa would understand in time.  That and the stress from working for the HBO concert- it had all taken its toll.  He had been told she didn’t want to fly in to see him- how was he to take that.

Wait- something made him stop.

What had she said?

“What note? I didn’t send a note.  You never told me ‘bout no note before.”

The intensity of his feelings was mirrored in his messed up grammar. Not that he cared at this point. 

“Why would I?  It was clear as shit that you didn’t want me there.”

“No, I wanted you there. I asked for you with every breath I took.  I know I was in and out, but I know I asked for you. I was told you were notified and informed my staff you could not be bothered. Lisa- I mean. I was sick, and you had some urgent church function to go to?”

The confusion registering on her features was startling.  But it was a perfect match to his befuddlement about a note. He had not written a note- he had been too sick to write a note.  All he had longed for was to have her at his side. 

“Michael, I had no function to be at. As soon as I heard,- and by the way, it seemed as if it took forever to get any info- I tried to contact you.  They said you were not able to talk.  And then I got the email.”

“From whom?”

“I don’t know- from your office- like the ones you sent a million times before checking in, letting me know when you wanted to meet somewhere. I thought Karen sent them.”

No, his long-time secretary was very loyal.  This did not sound like her.  And he knew sure as shit he had no message sent to Lisa asking her not to come. If anything he would have begged her to be there asap.  Shit…This was not the first time people in his organization had somehow gotten messages wrong or mixed up. He thought he had taken care of this. 

Michael tried to remember who had worked for him back then…he had fired so many people since - had thought he had plugged holes.  Those responsible were probably gone.  But shit! Lisa had been right.  He had laughed at her when she went on and on about “vultures” trying to get between them.  He normally only though it was her camp driving them apart- as her mother’s incessant meddling was relentless. 

“Naw, Lisa- I swear on everything that is holy to me: I wanted you there with me. I wanted you with me.  I don’t know what happened…”

Of course you know.  You know only too well.  You were under attack from all fronts.  As always.

Lisa simply stared at him.

“Well, I guess it don’t add up to anything anyway.  We weren’t meant to be- I mean, has that ever occurred to you?  With all this shit going down, all these odd things driving up apart on so many fronts?  How could what we had ever stand a chance?”

He stared at her.  What in the world?

“How can you say that?  If we were manipulated- how does that have anything to do with fate?  It has to do with evil people.  Evil, ruthless devils with rotten agendas.  I know they like me alone…I know they always try to turn me against people…or people against me.  They think they can get to me when I’m alone and vulnerable.”

“They? Who are ‘they’, Michael?  I know there are those fucking vampires feeding you bullshit. ‘Yes, Michal. You’re the greatest, Michael.  You can do no wrong.  You are right. She is wrong. She doesn’t love you. She’s using you…blablabla.’ I told you they would try this shit- and you thought I was making it up.  But Michael, ‘they’ are not responsible for our choices.  They aren’t to blame for all the crap with Deb.  Had we been united like in the beginning, they would never have had a chance.”

“Lisa- you gotta know there are people on both sides who are poisonous.  How do you think you got so sick?”

Lisa’s eyes widened.  Then she narrowed them, thinking about what he had implied.  Slowly, she shook her head. Trying to dislodge her rising suspicions.

“No, no, no.  I got sick because I wore myself down. I was sick over this whole mess, this situation, and you- but I know it’s not your fault- don’t think I’m saying that.  We are all to blame for our own misery.  But I allowed my pain to drag me down- I got too emotional.  Didn’t use my mind.  That’s how I got sick…”

Oh shit- they had done a nice number on her again.  He would have to tread carefully.  One battle at a time.

“Ok, well, all I know is that it sounds like it was bad, Lisa.  I found out on tv- Lise.  They said you tried to kill yourself…”

Lisa looked down, not meeting his eyes. “No, I didn’t…I was sick.  That time.”  Her voice was a mere whisper at the last two words.

Cold chills raced up and down his back at the “that time.”  So, it had all been true.  The cutting, the suicide attempt, oh God… The last thing he wanted to do was to push her. 

“Lisa. Oh Gosh…girl.  I…” Words once more abandoned him and he was pure emotion.  His hands reached up and he cradled her face, making her face him.  Once again, the pain in those eyes made him want to cry.  He saw so much there…much more than her explanations could ever convey. 

“You gotta promise me girl. You gotta promise me to not wanna do that anymore.  Nothing and no one is worth that.  You got those two amazing little angels…” This time, his voice broke. How would he ever be able to face himself if he thought his actions had caused Riley and Ben to lose their Mom? 

“I know, Mike. I do.  I ain’t gonna lie.   I went to a place so dark and so hopeless I hope you never have to see. I didn’t care.  Not even for them… I just wanted it all to fucking go away.  It was too much- and I thought I would free them as well. Free you…”

“Girl, don’t you ever pretend to know what I want- I don’t wanna be free from you.  And neither do the kids.  They love you. They love you so much.”

Lisa started to cry.  Sobs like a child, deep and desperate… 

“I know…I know…I’m so fucking sorry.  I almost left my babies, Mike. I can’t believe I almost did that.  Who does that?  What kind of person does that?”

She looked up and her eyes searched an answer he was not sure he was able to provide.

“You didn’t do it.  You didn’t.  You’re an amazing mother.  Against all odds, too- ‘cause you got an…interesting example yourself.”

Lisa laughed and sniffled.  The sound and the relief in her eyes were worth everything.

“But you are great with them- you love them. I’m convinced that’s why you didn’t get this done.  You knew.  There was some part of you who knew you couldn’t leave them.  You’re strong- you know how to put up a fight.  Hey- if anyone should know that, it’s me, right?”

“Mike…” her head sank forward and their foreheads leaned against each other for support.  “What the hell are you doing here? Why now?  Is it ‘cause you feel sorry for me?”

“Sorry?  Hell no! I ain’t feelin’ sorry for you, lady!”

Her eyes flew open and she backed up slightly.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.  You got your overbearing mother, your annoying as shit ex-husband nr 1, and your oh so amazing, sexy and hot ex-husband nr 2- you have your two amazing kids, and a hospital full of flowers and gifts sent by said amazing and oh so sexy ex-husband nr 2, and you have all those cute nurses fussing over you- and there was something I overheard about a really cool Doctor. I’m not sure I approve, by the way.  But- no, you’re ok- I don’t feel sorry for you.  Except, you are skinny- so we need to feed you up a bit.  Get you some soul food, girl.”

Lisa laughed.  Pure music.  The notes inconceivable to human creation. “You’re nuts.”

“Yeah, I am.  Over this spoiled rotten, amazing, beautiful, crazy, bossy, pushy woman.”

Her smile faded again.

“Don’t’ say stuff like that, Mike. I mean, I know you felt bad for me, and I appreciate you coming here.   I know you were worried- Janet told me.  I know you have commitments.  We were friends before anything else.  So, thanks for being my friend.”

Had she taken a knock to the head when she was brought in?  How could anyone be so dense?  Yeah, they had been friends. She was his best friend.  His confidante.  His critic and his reality check.  But she was so much more.

He pulled her head toward him again… Maybe it was time to show her how much he cared.

When his lips found hers, she seemed to freeze.  Her lips stayed immobile and cool.  God- she still tasted like heaven.  So sweet.  He felt her tremble and put his heart and soul into the contact.  He knew she tried to stay out of the raging waters.  Tried to play it safe by pretending they were friends.  Maybe he should grant her the illusion.  On autopilot, he kept kissing her gently, his lips placing soft contacts on hers, changing the angle, and simply allowing her time to warm to him again. 

Her arms rose, her hands slowly came to rest on his jacket, her fingers fisting the material- evidence of the intense effort of her struggle.

“Mike…” There was no tone in her voice.  Simply the whisper carried by the breeze of her breath.

“Hmmm.”  His response somehow was the key- her lips opened ever so lightly, warming, softening.  Soft kisses were returned. 

The soft messengers continued their mission:

 I know you’re afraid.

I know I hurt you – we hurt each other.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

Don’t hide.

Don’t be afraid.

Lisa moaned and she stirred a fire that was so totally misplace at this time- at this place.  Carefully, Michael’s tongue started to explore: first her lips which parted more.  Then…

Lisa reached up and her hand fisted almost painfully in his hair.  With sudden aggression belying her fragile state, she pulled him closer, surprising him, forcing his open mouth closer against her, and his tongue, with a will of its own, entered her mouth.

Holy shit! Just in case she changed her mind, one of his hands went into her hair, holding her in place as her tongue met his, stroking along its length, dancing,- greeting its lost partner.

“What the hell is going on here? Get the hell away from my daughter you pervert!”

Michael and Lisa flew apart like two teenagers having been caught in the act. 

Blushing, Michael rolled his eyes, looking around for the flying monkeys. After all, did they not normally predict the arrival of the Wicket Witch?

“Hello, Priscilla.  Fancy meeting you here.”

Priscilla took a deep breath and looked like she would explode. Well, one could hope…

(to be continued)

 

©2012 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. ABSOLUTELY no disrespect is intended to any persons portrayed in this work.