The Difference- Chapter 29

29

2 months later

Los Angeles, CA

As if the mere sound of Michael’s sobs and moans during his climax weren’t enough, his forceful thrusts and the incredible engorgement of his penis during ejaculation sent Lisa straight into another powerful orgasm. 

“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna kill me for sure….”  His breath came ragged and scorched her ear.  The dragon imbuing her once again with his scalding flame. 

It was highly questionable who was killing whom at this point, and while her body continued to spasm around his steel, she didn’t really give a damn.  The fly was stuck in the honey trap and had no intention of leaving.  Not while she was hot,  gooey, and warm inside, dripping from the place of their connection. Two rivers entering the delta to become one ocean. That’s how it always was: a rejoining of two parts of one body, one heart, one soul.  Until she once again felt like swirling around the drain when she was ripped into her miserable self again.

No, no thoughts while her body and soul were still aglow.

“Can I stay like this forever?”

As always, he read her thoughts and cloaked them in his velvet voice.

She moved slightly and he shivered, moaning once again.  The wave propagated into her body.  Aftershocks rocking her molten core.  Lisa lifted her head and found the burning heat of his eyes. His face was beaming up at her.  He seemed illuminated- a new internal fire warming him, the droplets on  his forehead reminding her of an exotic flower adorned by fresh morning dew.

Lisa, you’ve lost it.  A man- a flower?  Is that what your new “remote” style of loving him looks like?

Yeah,  the strategy of staying aloof and keeping her heart safe and protected only seemed to work when he was not around.  Or at least not buried deep inside her. 

Oh,yeah, the also new “no sex” rule wasn’t working out all that great, either.  Obviously.

Thankfully.

This was hopeless.  She was hopeless.

Hopelessly, and dangerously in love.

“Sure, you can. If you have nowhere better to be. Remind me again, how did you get here?”

“Ah, airplane once again.  Amazing, I know.”

She chuckled, and he cringed.  Obviously, he was ultra-sensitive to her every movement right now. 

Oh, how she enjoyed those moments after reaching the highest high when he was still inside and subjected to her every whim, every squeeze.  Each motion having an incredible effect.  Butterfly wings causing earthquakes.  Chaos theory for the two most chaotic people alive.  Of course he had unloaded that morsel of wisdom on her one day after she tortured him. And it stuck. As did the pleasure from watching him shiver.  So sensitive- so vulnerable was her fierce king at that very moment… Subject to her for a few fleeting moments.

Normally, it was she who was ultra-sensitive to his very presence. It was bad enough when she expected him, but she had been nowhere near equipped to handle this surprise appearance. Who told him he could just show up at her door, like some pesky neighbor asking for a cup of sugar?    After his initial kiss, which she was totally defenseless against due to the sudden attack- and maybe due to missing him like hell- , she pushed him away, bitching about him breaking the guidelines.  Her rule book clearly stated he was to let her know before he’d show up.  Then again, when was the last time Michael had cared about someone else’s rules?    

So annoying! Her words, naturally had started a fight about his continued problems with her giving him too many rules here lately.  And the fight, just as naturally had led to a three hour love session, which just ended with her coming to rest quite in exhaustion over his body.  A body, that, by the way had managed to put a little bit of weight on.  He looked so amazingly good. Healthy. Rested. Restored. God, how she adored him!   

You’re not getting in too deep too quickly, remember?  Remote- you are holding back. Remember?

Yeah, that was working out really well. And she was not the least bit sorry at this very moment.

“When do you have to get back?”

Back referred to the treatment program he had been enrolled in, located in Switzerland.

“I ran away. Those damn therapists kept hitting on me.  Finally, I had to remove myself to stay pure and virginal for you.”

Oh, someone was in a playful mood. Or back on some good stuff.  She scanned his eyes. No sign of anything but him being a goofball.  Just like he used to be…in a time so long ago.

“Michael…”  Her eyes narrowed.  What in the world was he up to? Innocently and seemingly serious, his eyes held her. 

They stared at each other for several seconds.  Of course, this would turn into a staring contest. The unspoken challenge was on.  Finally, she blinked, and he burst out laughing hysterically, flipping her, coming to rest on top.

“You lose! Why do you always have to blink- you’ll never win. And I am the master!”

No denying it.  She couldn’t beat him.  She always blinked first- the perfect metaphor for their relationship. 

“Because I’m human.  On this planet, we have to blink to keep our eyes moist.”

She tried to push him off, trying to hide her annoyance.

“Oh, baby- you got other parts that are nice and moist as well. How do you accomplish that? Or is that all my doing?”

Still connected, he moved his hips. Shit! Now it was her time to moan and to bite her lip.  Fuck! How was she supposed to get to the bottom of why in the hell he was here while he was still connected to her bottom, still semi-erect?  Was this man never going soft? 

“Michael- seriously- did you leave prematurely?”

And if he did and broke the agreement, will you be strong enough to kick him out and cut him off?

Yeah, sure, just as soon as I manage to get him from between my legs.  Or from inside my heart. 

I am a rock of conviction…

“Prematurely? I never do anything prematurely.” He chuckled while keeping that innocent look. 

Lisa tried her best to keep a  straight face. 

“What? Why do you look like you sucked a lemon?  I ain’t lying! I thought you would try to trust me.” The innocent expression in his eyes made him look like a hurt child. Damn him and those stupid eyes.  How was she supposed to form any rational thought with his most intense weapons holding her captive on both ends?

“I am trying.”

“Try harder.”

“Well, stop bullshitting, and tell me why you are here.”

Kissing her nose, he carefully withdrew.  Immediately, her body mourned the loss, while she felt his hot essence seeping from her.  Of course- no protection.   Not like it mattered. 

Lisa swallowed.

No, no time now for self-pity.  At least she didn’t have cancer.  So what if the cyst caused damage to her uterus her doctors could not be sure would ever allow her to carry another child to term? At least she’d be alive.

And they didn’t say it was impossible.

Just…

Unlikely.

That was the word cutting out her hopes and dreams she didn’t realize had survived the Armageddon of  the past year.

Getting those news on the phone, with him right next to her, had been excruciating.  Then again, not knowing would also have been. 

The atomic blast rendered her in deep, artificial winter.  The hope, so secret and hidden from her own consciousness, was like her sun blackened out by the ashes of the medical jargon.  She couldn’t breathe.  Couldn’t see.  Couldn’t function.  

Somehow his eyes became her focal point.

The fear they conveyed while he had waited for her to share what ravaged her was bare and open: a pulsing, cut artery.

Weak and shaken, she didn’t even realize the proper protocol for receiving the verdict of “benign” was relief, not shock and sadness. 

“Lise- please. Just tell me…what did they say.”

“I can’t have children.”

Had that been her voice?  Dead…lifeless…

“What?” His eyes were totally devoid of understanding.

“They said the cyst caused extensive damage and I probably won’t be able to have children.  I have to go back periodically- and if I have more problems they might have to do a hysterectomy.”

“What did they say about the biopsy, Lisa?”  The last time his voice had that calm, careful tone was after she had lost their baby.  How odd it should surround her now.  And even odder that her nervous system received it as such comfort.

I shouldn’t need him to feel comforted. I can do this all alone… I’m stronger than that…

I’m a fucking liar…

“Oh, it was negative. Meaning, good news. No cancer, I guess.”

Only barren.  A dried, cracked up, fruitless desert.

Serves you right for denying him a kid so many times before. Devine justice.

Surely this plain fact must occur to him, too. Strangely, all she saw reflected in each cell of his body was relief.

Exhaling, he pulled her into him. Every muscle in her body felt stiff and inflexible- ready to split apart.

“Thank the Lord.  Oh, my God, thank you Lord, thank you...”

Angrily,   she had pushed him away.  How dare he be relieved?

“Are you nuts? What’cha thanking your God for?  Didn’t you hear me? No  kids, Michael.  Ever, possibly.”

He wiped a tear from his cheek before cradling her face between his warm hands, forcing her to face him.

“Lisa.  You don’t have cancer.” He spoke the words as if she was either deaf or mentally impaired. Each word intonated and emphasized before the next.  Slow. Deliberate. Waiting for her to let them sink in. 

“And I won’t have children.  You know what that means?” Her tone mirrored his. Let’s see how he liked it.

“It means you won’t be able to have biological children. I mean- I thought… I didn’t know…  Did you want more? I…” His helpless gestures conveyed his confusion which was pretty much a carbon copy of her own feelings.

Yes, she thought, too. And she didn’t know.  Did she? Did she want more?

Want more children?  No, not really. Not without him anyway.

Well, at one point she did- and then at another she didn’t.  But there had always been the option. Or the option to not have them.  Which was one of the factors driving her and Michael apart over and over. 

He thought she played games.

She thought he only wanted to create a musical master race. 

At least that was the point her mother had driven home over and over- until it became part of her own doubts somehow.

The seed planted, growing into a greedy tapeworm, hollowing the already shaky house of cards her trust had become, eating away at her until her heart felt hollow.

Still… There was something so very seductive about having Michael’s children. Something so natural. Something so scary.

No, not scary.

Terrifying.

Nothing can hurt you as much as the thing you want with all your heart and soul. 

All your dreams come true.The perfect weapon to self-destruct.

What if their children seduced his love away from her?  What if they loved him more? Why wouldn’t they?  Compared to his rainbow she was a dull, boring flicker of light. And what if he forgot all about her?

What an ugly, crazy thought! What kind of abomination of nature was she to harbor such doubts?  And should such a monster really procreate?  And so, she had pulled back every single time. Deprived him of his dream- and in the end killed her own.

Still- until that phone call it had always been her choice.  Now, for the second time, a sick twist of fate fucked everything up.  Why did God or whoever was out there hate her so much?  Why was some evil joker always ripping every shred of happiness from her,  taunting her, laughing in her face?  Wasn’t it almost hilarious that the news about being shriveled up and barren weighed so much heavier than the fact she did not have to battle for her life?

No, now she only had to watch the final performance of having him turn away from her for the last time. 

Hours which now seemed like seconds ago, she had wanted him to go.  It was supposed to have been on her terms. Now, he would look at her as an empty shell of a woman and run for the hills. Or even worse- would he stick around out of pity?  Oh hell no. She was not a charity case!

Overcoming the leaden ballast of her limbs, she had risen from the bed, and  had hidden her body in a fuzzy bathrobe.

“You can go now, Michael.”

Defiantly she faced him.  The canvas of his face was transformed by a variety of emptions. Confusion, surprise…anger?

“Well, fuck that shit!”

Her eyes widened.  His tone was pure, angry frustration.  That was unexpected.

“What’s got into you?  You can go- you should be relieved. You don’t have to make up some bullshit to run. And you don’t have to feel sorry for me and stay.”

“You got all the angles covered, then, haven’t you? You trippin’ or something?  Did you miss how long it took me earlier to convince you to give this a chance?  Not that the process of doing so wasn’t great. I even agreed to your flipping terms. Talking to Grace- what you think that’s gonna do…..But fine.  I ‘bout died waiting for what you had to say back here a minute ago. And now you think I’m gonna run? Must be nice to have the news of maybe not being able to have babies as an excuse to renege.  You are some kind of crazy, and I always knew that- but I never knew you to be a coward.”

“Cut the crap, Michael.  Things have not changed that much.  I’m sure that if we got together- big if, mind you-, at some point kids would have been brought up.  And now seems like it’s a moot point.”

“Well, good, we can find new crap to fight about.  I’m bored anyway.”

“This is not a joke. Not to me. And stop lying. You know you want kids.  You said before you want more than three.”

“Yeah, and as you might have noticed, I didn’t….you know… go the natural way.  Not exactly like I relied purely on nature with Prince or Paris, I mean.  Or with Blanket, for that matter.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

He sighed heavily and jumped up, grabbing her by her shoulders.

“The point is, you think I love my kids any less? No, I don’t. Right now all I care about is that you give us a chance. And that you won’t die before I can prove to you how much I love you.  Unless you make me strangle you. And, girl, it’s a tempting thought as long as your foolishness goes on unchecked.”

What the hell was he saying? It sounded as if he valued her being not at death’s door over the future hospitality of her womb.

Of course, if that was true, all her assumptions about him had been just that. All her fears of the past might have been more a figment of her mother’s dire predictions than of his actual intentions.  Sure, he had an unconventional approach to getting what he wanted, but then again, wasn’t that one of the very traits that had attracted  her to him initially? And then over and over again. His unique persistence and creativity. His drive. His fucking stubborn attitude.  His never taking no for an answer.

And his love.

Which, ultimately, was like nothing else in this world.

And so, after that surprising realization, he stunned her yet again, when he agreed to enter an 8 week program in Switzerland. Actually, he had brought it up after the horrible show down with Nanny Doubtfire with the cornrows. Maybe it had been a pre-emptive strike to prevent Lisa from changing her mind and walking.   He was no fool- he saw how close to the edge she was after that Pandora ’s Box had been opened.  All thanks to her crazy idea to have her say with the woman who had once again used Michael’s children to get closer to him. And who had relentlessly and recklessly used his problem with medications to render him a zombie.

The setting for the showdown was Michael’s suite the evening after he had surprised her.  Lish had been good enough to take his kids to their suite and watch movies with them.  Michael’s three had been so sweet when they returned  from their outing.  As raw and exhausted as she had been, all fatigue fell away when Paris stunned her and ran up to her, hugging her. 

To say she was blown away was the understatement of the year.  The little girl who had weeks ago barely tolerated her was now holding back her tears as she said hello.  Automatically, Lisa’s arms had closed around the slight doll in her arms.  She Paris stiffen suddenly and the child backed up, looking up at Lisa through these stunning clear eyes.

“Lisa, I’m …I am very sorry for having been …you know…”

“Crazy?”

Helpful as brothers tend to be, Prince jumped in.

“Prince, how ‘bout you let your sister get this off her chest.” Michael gently put an arm around his son, his eyes resting on his daughter. Obviously, this was something they had discussed.

Lisa kneeled down and looked at the girl who had so deeply resented her only weeks earlier.  How could she be mad at the child?  For what? Loving her Dad?  Wanting his love to herself?  Well, she herself had been an adult when she had felt the very same possessiveness for Michael.  And as a child, she had been known to be quite the little bitch in training to keep her Daddy’s attention focused on her.   So, no, she could not be mad at Paris, as hurtful as her words and actions had been.  She was a child, after all.  In a crazy and confusing adult world.  A world Lisa only understood half the time.  On good days.  No, all of Lisa’s anger was now reserved for the adult manipulators.

Lisa wordlessly pulled Paris back into her arms and kissed her hair, assuring her it was ok.   There would be a time to set boundaries and rules, should this tentative truce between Lisa and Michael hold.  But first, the past needed to be buried.  The future was too fuzzy to worry about right now.  Paris blinked and some tears reminding Lisa of fresh water from a glazier signified the possible spring of their relationship.  Before she could get too mushy, Blanket demanded her attention, shyly holding out a new stuffed animal to her.  God- his huge dark eyes were almost too much to bear.  A glaring reminder of something she would never call her own. A  child with those very eyes… 

When she looked over at Michael through her own curtain of tears, she knew it was too late to slam the open book she was to him shut: He already had read her heart.  Maybe it was only fair he should feel pain now on her account- but it still hurt her like hell. 

The ride up to Michael’s suite had been mostly quiet.

“Why do you wanna talk to her, again?  Not like you can say anything I haven’t Is there anything I can do to talk you out of this?”

“I wanna make sure she understands how her actions have hurt you- and the children.  And me.  You might not have been all that clear on any of that. You tend to…ahh...”

Chicken out when it comes to telling people things you think they don’t want to hear. Unless it’s me. Cause I have ways to provoke you into yelling the truth at me.

“…whitewash things a tad bit.”

His lips tightened. He so loved criticism.

“And you think she cares, why?”

“I don’t. But I have to have my say, Michael.  It’s about me, not her. This is not the first time her little antics have led to ‘misunderstandings’ between us.  She needs to understand her place.”

Which is the fuck away from you and the kids.

“Seems redundant, given I told you she is outa here. For good.”

“Is there a problem with me talking to her, Michael?  Anything you don’t want me to know?”

The arrival on the top floor prevented an answer beyond a mumble and a shoulder shrug.  Not the kind of reassurance she had been after.  Maybe she should have brought a barf bag just in case. Turbulences might occur on that ride…

Any sane person might have decided to just give it up and let sleeping dogs lie.  Or ruthless bitches run away.  But no, she had to put on a show.  The result served her right.  Maybe it was for the best.  Maybe one less skeleton in the closet would make more room for shoes.  Or, since it was Michael’s closet, jackets.

Grace could not have been any more displeased when Lisa strode into the room with Michael.

She glared at Lisa, but did not deign to address her.  Instead, in that fucking haughty voice of hers she turned toward Michael, positioning herself in a way that she almost stood between them, her back to Lisa.

“Michael, I honored your request to see me before I do as you asked.  Why do you have to bring her here?  I have nothing to say to her.”

Fucking bitch!

Lisa grabbed her arm and forced the woman to face her.  Grace towered over her, but Lisa was too wound up to let any more of Michael’s tall women make her feel small and invisible.

“I asked Michael to get a chance to say good bye to you, Grace.  Forever.  I want to make sure you understand that you are out of his life for good.”

Grace looked her up and down as if she was some annoying handmaiden.  God, how she hated that bitch. 

“I do not need you, Lisa-Marie, to explain things to me.  I am well capable of knowing that I will be gone for a while. But do not be confused, I will never be out of Michael’s life for long. He and I share the children- and that bond…”

“There is no bond. You were an employee.  You insinuated yourself into his life over and over- making him miserable. Blackmailing him.  Don’t think I don’t know your stupid little scheme.  But the jig is up, there is nothing to threaten him with.  You are history.  And if you want to sell your lies to the tabloids, go ahead.”

“I am in the room, you know.  And Grace- I will always be grateful for the wonderful presence you were in the children’s life, but…”

What the hell was his problem?  ‘Wonderful presence?’

How many times had he complained about her intrusions and threats to air his private life in the papers? Lisa had told him to call her bluffs over and over. But no- he was panicky.  Paranoid.

“Michael, what?”

He reached out and touched her arm.

“Lisa, I think it’s enough that Grace understands that her services are no longer needed.  You don’t have to attack her.”

Oh, he had not seen her attacking anyone yet. And if he kept up his nice-guy act he would be standing dangerously close in the path of this tornado.

“Michael, she kept me from talking to you. She kept you strung out on drugs. She used the kids…”

“It was’t drugs, Lisa. They are medications…”

Would he ever get the point?  People died from those medications. And Grace served them up like Skittles.

Lisa opened her mouth to argue and Grace jumped in. 

“I didn’t use the children.  I kept them away from him when he was too vulnerable to deal with them.  You don’t know how he gets when your handywork is done.  You rip his heart out and then leave others to clean up the fallout.  Michael, you know the truth- you know I only wanted to help.  You know I was there for you whenever you needed me.  When you had no one else- when others…” She shot a poisonous look at Lisa, “When others deserted you.  I was there when your pain was unbearable. I held you and I showed you there were reasons for you to carry on.”

Nauseous yet? Should have brought that barf bag…

She better mean that she showed him pictures of the kids or something like that.  Because Lisa was this close to misinterpreting Grace’s words. 

“I told you, I told you, I’ll always be grateful. And now it was time to move on.  This last time…I needed to have a clear head.   I shouldn’t have been locked into that dark place I put myself in.”

“The dark place Lisa-Marie pushed you in.  Once again. Michael, I’ll go, because I have too much pride to stay where I am not needed, but you need to stop being blind about that woman.”

Well, that woman was about to pull those damn cornrows out of the crows head.  And stuff her mouth with them.  Lisa opened her own mouth to cut the bitch down to size when Michael jumped in.

“That woman, as you call her, is who I need in my life.  I was made to believe that she abandoned me, and it was all a lie.  And you played along. That is unforgivable. Lisa is my life, my love- it is my choice and I love her.”

“I didn’t know, Michael. I thought she hurt you.  I thought she was betraying you again. I thought she was messing around.  And you told me she aborted your baby.  I mean, it was my job to keep her away. To protect you.  To help you through the pain before you did anything desperate.”

“It was not your fucking job to feed him drugs.  You are fucking lucky I don’t have you arrested- you are dangerous.”

“Lisa, please.  Like I said, it’s all been addressed.  I think Grace understands that her actions have resulted in us parting ways now.  I think she is sorry enough.”

Fucking hell! How deluded could he be?

“She is sorry she can’t dig her claws into you, Michael.  That’s all she’s ever wanted. To be Mrs Jackson.  She is just as obsessed as the last person carrying that name.  And I don’t mean your Mom.”

“You are a very stupid woman, Lisa-Marie.  I never needed to be Michael’s legal wife to enjoy the benefits you threw away with both hands. And I mean all benefits…”

Both Lisa and Michael turned toward Grace and stared at her.

Ok, there was little to misinterpret now. She pretty much had spelled it out.

Grace basically said she had slept with Michael.  Ridiculous.

She was lying.

She had to be lying.

Any minute now, Michael would get onto her for it. He hated liars.

While Lisa stared at  Grace who returned her gaze with cold contempt and a barely hidden challenge, Michael found his voice.

“Grace. That’s it. This conversation is over.  I hope you have a pleasant flight. Let’s go, Lisa.”

He turned, reaching out, attempting to pull Lisa out of the room.

Lisa stared up at him.

She brushed his hand off and stayed rooted in place.  The hell she was leaving.

“Michael. You’re just gonna let her get away with that lie as the last thing she says? She said she fucked you. Or you her.”

His mouth opened and closed.

Lisa attempted to read his eyes and he averted them.

“I take it back, Lisa-Marie. You are not only stupid, you are deluded.  I am not lying.  I have been with Michael – more than once. And you know what I mean by that.  In a biblical way. You think you are so special.  Well, you are not.  You are not the only one who warmed his bed.  The only difference is that I was also allowed to be around his children.  And to have his confidence and trust.  Something you will never have. He may feel bad now and pretend that has forgiven you for all those things you pulled in the past.  But do not be fooled.  Michael doesn’t forget. And he doesn’t forgive.  He doesn’t settle- and you are damaged goods.  Enjoy what you can. Your days are numbered.”

With that, Grace picked up her purse and headed out of the suite. 

The slamming door made Lisa jump. 

The silence that  followed droned in her ears and made her shake.

Michael walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink.

Weakly, Lisa sank into the couch. Her legs refused to carry her any longer.  Strong turbulences indeed.

She didn’t have to ask him.  It was the truth.  Michael had at some point fucked Grace. 

Of course. 

She had always suspected, but had been able to push the ugly, nauseating thoughts back to the forbidden dungeon. 

What a fucking, messed up, piece of shit day.

Michael sat down and handed her a drink before he sank into the couch next to her.

Downing half his drink, he threw his head back.

“Well, that went well. Glad you wanted to talk to her.  She sure seemed regretful.”

Lisa emptied the glass in one sip and handed it to him. Raising an eyebrow, he rose and brought her a refill.

The silence once again mushroomed in the room.  As did mental images causing her to gag.

“What? Come on. Don’t gimme the silent treatment now. Aren’t you gonna ask?  Gonna let me have it? What?  Curse, yell?”

No, really, she just wanted to cry.

“It’s true, isn’t it?”

“What part?”

Lisa turned toward him and reached for his hand.  Finally, he looked at her. 

“Michael, did you sleep with Grace?”

His eyes narrowed for a second and he blinked.  Obviously, he assessed how to proceed.  Given their past, he had every reason to fear a volcanic outburst.  Funny enough- the only thing she experienced was a dead, eerie void. 

“Yeah.”

Oh wow. He opted for the truth.

That tight, stinging feeling in her throat started to spread. Obviously, she was not as emotionally dead as she wished to be.

“When?”

What kind of demons rode her to get details?  Not like it mattered.  Or did it?

“Not recently.”

“Not while I almost died- when you thought I aborted our baby?”

His eyes found her. 

“No, not then.”

The relief hitting her was a surprise.  It was questionable if she could have wrapped her mind around him frolicking in bed with that woman while she almost had died. 

Michael reached out for her.

“Lisa- it was after the trial.  I had nothing.  No one.  I was desperate and I felt alone.  She was there.  I needed to feel.  Anything.  I don’t know.  I know it was a mistake. But she seemed to care.  Seemed to love me despite the rumors, the lies, without any make-up- without make belief. She cared about me. Not about Michael Jackson. But me.  She was not…”

“Indifferent. She was not indifferent, right?”

Their eyes swam in equal amounts of pain.

She wanted to be angry.  Wanted to cry, wanted to scream at him for being weak, for falling prey to the woman who had been after him for the longest time.

What right did she have?

She had told him to move on. She had abandoned him.  He had reached out for someone-anyone.  Any rescue device did the trick. 

Understanding filled her. Empathy. Oh, how she had walked in those shoes before.

Lord, how she comprehended that kind of pain. And the desperate action.

The kind where you simply want to submerge yourself.  To do anything to get away. To delude yourself that the arms closing around you were enough. That the body pressed against you would take the pain away. 

 When the longing for a mere second of relief took over common sense, judgment, rational thought.

Only to be filled with a new wave of horrific agony once you stared at the stranger in the mirror. The despicable traitor who had allowed an outsider to touch you. 

“Do you hate me?”

She pulled him toward her, her forehead resting against his. 

Of course she could not hate him for committing the very sins she had been guilty of. Only her transgressions had been so much worse.  At least he had turned toward the other woman when Lisa had not been in his life. 

No, the cut Grace inflicted bled and stung as if bathed in acid solution.  But this was her wound to close.  She had asked to talk to Grace.  She had elected to put the lie of indifference between herself and the man she loved.  All he had done was take what was offered by someone else when he was alone, depleted, and scared.

“If only I could hate you, Michael.  But I need you to do something for me…If we have any hope, you really need to get some shit straightened out.  If we have any hope, I can’t risk to lose you whenever you think you can’t handle something.”

“Let me guess- it has to do with me getting away from the meds, right? Well, I knew you’d bring that up. There is this place I found…”

He was dead on: The condition had been the treatment program.  In silent exchange, Lisa had started to see her own therapist again. She had her own demons to work through.  He was not the only one needing some screws tightened. Not by a long-shot.  As a matter of fact- she probably had enough lose connections to keep a team of shrinks in business for a very long time.

_____

“Lise- are you in this world? I mean, I know I’m good, but I didn’t just fuck your brains out, did I?”

Leave it to Michael and his humble self to transport her out of the past into the present.  Straight into his eyes, shining down at her.  The warming lamp to her soul when it once again became weak and frozen from the icy flood waters of the past.

Lisa blinked, forcing memories behind the wall of the past where they belonged.  She was trying to make peace with things she could not change.  All her power was in the here and now- and in the future, if she was brave enough to venture through that trap door.

“Nice to see your ego is larger than your cock.”

“It is? I be darned…” His face lit up in pretend-shock before he burst out laughing again.

“Michael, can you be serious for like five minutes?”

“Lisa-Marie Presley. I am seriously, totally, honestly in love with you. I missed you so badly.  What’s wrong with hurrying home?”

Home? 

“This is my home, not yours.  You can’t just come here and take over my life again.”

“I wasn’t talking about the house. I was talking about you.  You’re my home.”

With shit like this, how was she supposed to keep her distance?  His words were a direct infrared beam to the frozen layers she had attempted to install around herself.

She turned away from him.

“I miss you, too, lunatic.”

Maybe the pillow would keep the whispered secret.  He didn’t need his head to grow.

“Say what?”

“Nothing.”

He came closer again, lying half on top of her now.

“Lisa…don’t make me tickle you.”

His hands already came to rest on her waist.

“Oh hell no. My muscles are sore from all that other -  um- exercise you threw at me…”

“Then speak up, woman.”

“Ok, ok. I missed you.”

His smile could have brightened the darkest night.

“And…?”

He bent over her and placed small kisses on her lips.

“Oh, God. Won’t you ever get enough? I think I said I loved you already. Multiple times.  My throat is sore from screaming it, I think.”

“Well, it doesn’t count when I’m fucking you.  Then I get you stripped anyway.  All your emotions naked for me to see.  But it sure would be nice to hear it again.”

“Fine:  I love you. There. Happy? Now can you tell me why you are here?”

“Better to love you, my lady. All that phone sex was getting old. Plus, they told me they were tired of listening to us on their surveillance tapes.”

Lisa blushed. Surely he was joking.

“We didn’t… Ok, maybe once, and I was drunk…but seriously…”

He laughed again- God it was so good to hear him laugh like that.  

“You are so easy! But baby- why do you think I’m here. I was honorably discharged.”

“This was not the army, Michael.”

“Ah- were you there? No! Believe me, it was non-stop battles.  Can you believe those therapists disagreed with me?”
“No kidding! You should sue them.”

“I totally should.”

“Where are the kids?”

“At my Mom’s of course. I went by to see them earlier.  Before I rushed over here. And I got here just in time, seems like. You were about to bust with all that pent up love for me. I can tell.”

His mouth was temptingly low again.  There would obviously not be a serious discussion right now. His surprise attack had worked. No chance to muster any defense.  He was right. She was naked before him. Not only devoid of clothing- but her heart and feelings exposed and laid bare to him.

It was so tempting.  Here was Michael, the way she had seen him years before.  He seemed lighter somehow.  Free. 

She envied him. As much as she had worked – he seemed to once again have surpassed her in healing.  And she was glad as hell.  And hoped to get there herself one day.

Now what? What did this mean?  He had done what she had asked.

Could she do her part?

Could she jump into his arms?  Get lost in trust she was not sure she felt yet?

Thankfully, the only thing he made her feel right this moment was her body coming back to life as he kissed her thoroughly. His tongue acted like a sponge on the blackboard of her mind- wiping everything clean. Leaving her nothing but a raw bundle of nerves. 

Michael moaned as his mouth kissed and nipped a path down her throat toward her ear.

“I can’t get enough of you, girl. I missed you so much. I dreamt about you…felt you- woke up hard in those stupid uncomfortable beds…”

“And what, did you touch yourself, baby?  Think about me while you took care of yourself?”

As always the mere thought of him touching himself opened all kinds of floodgates.

“You know it, sugar.  But nothing can get me hard like this…”

He took her hand and she rested it on his reawakened erection.  That didn’t take long.  He really must have missed her.

Her fingers closed around him and his hand guided her movements.

“Shit Lisa, my hand can’t even come close to feeling like your touch.  Nothing can… Only your magic can bring me back to life. Only you.”

Well, it better be only her from this point on or he’d miss several inches of his anatomy.

Michael once again rolled them over, leaving her on top.  His free hand roamed over her back, her ass, dipping between her legs.

“Jeeze, Lise. You are hot and wet…and sticky…Yuck!”

What?

 No shit! Several hours of getting dehydrated did that to a woman.

He swatted her butt and rolled from under her.

“Michael!”

Oh no, he had started this up again- he was not about to leave.

His hand reached out to her. “Com’ on, baby  girl. Let’s take a shower. We got somewhere to go to.”

“Ah, no I am pretty sure my schedule’s free.”

“Not anymore. Remember you wanted to talk to Julia?”

Ok- he sure knew how to kill a mood. Julia.

She had avoided any thoughts of that woman. 

But yes, she had a thing or two to set straight with her. As did Michael.  At least she hoped so.

“My plans ran more along the lines of fucking you till you scream again.”

Laughing, he shook his head as he pulled her up.

“Dirty, little wanton. You definitely need a bath. You need to be cleansed.”

Yeah, and that was happening when they bathed together.

Fine.  He could have it his way. And she would play hardball and not allow any funky moves on his part.

Rock of conviction- remember?

Well, she could try.

Undeterred by her protests, he pulled her along into the bathroom.  Turning on the water, he turned back to her, letting his eyes caress every curve of her naked body.

“Ready to get wet?”

His dirty smile left no doubt about his intent.

Smiling back, Lisa pushed him backwards into the glistening spray. Oh, she’d make sure he would be too sore to walk when they met up with the dragon lady. 

And then, with another goal met, she’d have to finally decide if she could conquer her fears and surrender her heart to him fully and without reservation this one last time.

(to be continued)

 

The Difference is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

©2011 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators.