The Difference- Chapter 28

28

Returning her kiss was all about survival.  Just as he had been ready to throw it all into the gaping mouth of the beast, he was now holding on with both hands.  How blind he had been! The truth had been there all along, but her words, the pain in her eyes, in the tone of her voice, and in every uttered syllable, had unearthed it and brought it to the surface.  No more hiding. No more sedation.

He needed her.  He had needed her all along.  For a while everything had been so muddled by her lies, her denial, his injured vanity, and all those other people around them.  But in the aftermath of last night, after he pushed aside the fog of self-hatred, shame, and also some sort of remote astonishment of how far the a faithful human spirit could be pushed, it was clear that while he might be alive, his very being depended on Lisa.

Could he exist without her? Sure.  But his life, his happiness, and his serenity, were tied to her continued presence in his life.  They had both committed such horrible mistakes.  Crimes against love, the truth, and common sense. And right now, seeing everything through a totally different lens, he understood on a level going beyond rational thought that her need to distance herself had been her life boat.  There came a point where it boiled down to cutting  the anchor or going down with it the ship.  Unless the anchor learned how to transform into a floatation device.  Improbable? Sure.

But not impossible. Oh God, how life had made him change! And he was willing to fight like never before. 

Right now, he was not beyond using any and all weapons available to him to wage- and win- that battle.

Waking up this morning, his life had seemed transformed. The difference was uncanny from the start. The air was easier to breathe; the light was softer on his eyes. His body felt lighter, his mind clearer. Closing his eyes, he once again begged God for forgiveness, promising to honor and value His greatest gifts: life and love.

Where the day before he had been at the very edge of annihilation, this morning brought a zest for life he had not experienced in a very long time.  Had he not just battled demons so much greater than any encountered in a long time?  His own, internal wish to self-destruct had been ultimately much more formidable than Sneddon, or Motolla, or any of those clowns. 

Suddenly, the solution was clear: All he had to do was make Lisa see he understood and fully comprehended the ugliness of his words.  He would beg her forgiveness, and once she’d be confronted with his sincerity, she would surely do just that.  After all, it had not been his fault entirely.  Once again, other people had hijacked his good intentions and his misplaced trust. Which in itself was pretty hilarious, given he had thought his ability to trust missing in action. 

Maybe it was time to face the ugly possibility that he had allowed his bitterness to prevent trusting Lisa while he had naively and blindly listened to someone who was slightly more than a stranger.

Oh, he would deal with Julia later.  This was not over by a long-shot.  How had he been so wrong about her? Maybe there was an explanation…   When he heard Lisa’s words the abysmal extent of Julia’s deception had been laid bare.  What had motivated this smart and genuine woman to turn to the dark side?  What monster was he to bring this out in another person?

Each of Lisa’s words had served as a razor sharp edge, slicing into his heart and soul.  As the story unfolded, part of his punishment was to imagine her scared and alone, betrayed by the one person she thought she could count on.  To imagine her in pain, fainting, almost drowning…. Closing his eyes could not stop the images racing by.  The words infused his heart with the agony she must have experienced when she was left to wonder if she had lost another baby…

And then he had done it.  She had survived all these tortures because she had been certain he would be there as he had promised. But no, he had been weak.  He had listened to the temptations of hell. 

How was he going to redeem for that? 

Of course, Lisa had managed to irritate the daylights out of him, with her dismissive attitude and her expectation of how their encounter would play out. Really, there was no set plan, other than to do penance. As soon as he sensed she had it all scripted in her mind, he knew he had to use the pitfalls of the past as a guide. So no, the last thing he felt like engaging in was the familiar attack and counter-attack pattern.

So, letting go of that typical male attitude not working so well, hm, macho man?

Well, no, but Lisa always had this way to release the alpha male. Contrary to the image he had so carefully constructed, there was this invincible, unrelenting, pushy, red-blooded part that had rendered him at the top where he needed to be. Ok, at time that part led him astray into stubbornness and foolish, false pride. In this case, he knew he had been dead wrong, and he was not afraid to admit it, but did she have to kick all his efforts back at him?

And then there was this other problem.

He had a hard-on basically from the moment Lisa had opened the door. The kiss had sealed the deal. The slap, strangely, enough had not been the cold shower one might imagine. Lisa was fire and ice impersonated.  Staring the temptation and threat of death into its blood-thirsty eyes, had awaken instincts at the root of humanity: Eros and Tantalos- the drive to live and love battling the urge to seek death.

Of course, his number one motivation was the rational goal to beg her forgiveness and express his regret and sorrow at having her caused such intense torment. What a surprise to find his body had its own agenda to celebrate survival with a more ancient and base ritual. Add to this the memories evoked by the familiar setting of the hotel, and he was surprised he didn't simply rip her clothes off and prove to her that she was his forever- no matter how big an ass he made of himself.

To make matters worse, her reaction further edged him on. Her words could not conceal the fire in her eyes. Her resistant body language was much less convincing than her little tongue invading his mouth, evoking images if other symphonies it was able to perform on different parts of his anatomy.

Were he to watch their little dance from a distance he would surely be horrified by the bold move to grab her molten core. From his point of view, it made all the sense in the world. He loved her. She was, always had been, and always would be his very life. The separation into body, heart, and soul was artificial when it came to their relationship. To love and worship her with his body was unanimous with loving her mind, her spirit, her obstinate little invincible self.

Therefore, he made the only move she had not blocked.

The kiss was natural. As was her reaction.

Of course, she immediately staged a phantom defense: one night in exchange for her freedom.

Silly princess, didn't she understand that they were both enslaved and liberated by the heart of the other? Had they not tried in vain to break free for too many wasted years?

Her fear and protectiveness made all the sense in the world. The road was only too familiar. Mistrust and misplaced efforts to protect his heart had whispered lies into his ears and his soul for too long. The harvest had been bitterness and loneliness.

The closeness to her, his desire, her almost desperate kiss...they all were an impossible heady concoction, making rational thought an extinct creature as pleasure forced an ice age on all logical deliberations.  While her tongue was busily engaging his, her hot little ass was wiggling against the friction provided by his hand on her, her own nimble fingers had started to frantically open his pants. Lisa had always been a master of sneaking under the radar and into his underwear. He'd never forget the time she made him cum in his pants right there in an elevator with his security guys standing guard. Part of him wanted to choke her, while a considerably larger part feared nothing more than having her hand cease its intoxicating movement.

A flavor he was only too familiar with caught his attention beneath the passion, love, and lust conveyed by her kiss and her movements: Desperation. Desperation laced with bitter sadness.

Was she for real? Did she really delude herself into believing this was it? That he would simply let her go? Now?

Option one was to simply let her succeed in stripping him of his clothes and make love to her with the goal of getting her to fully comprehend that he needed her- now and forever. That course of action, however, involved a certain degree of trickery. And while he intended to trick her alright, it could not be understood in a deceptive way.

Option two meant stopping any and all sexual touching for the moment and commence talking.

Are you friggin' nuts? You talked your ass off and it got you exactly nowhere. You can talk later dude, right now you can communicate just fine with your moves.

Lisa didn't exactly help the decision making process, moaning his name into his mouth. The heat and wetness against his hand and the rock hard nipples pressed against him showed he was not the only one being drugged by a reawakened zest for life. Her hand found his hard-on and the shivers racing through him had nothing to do with the cool British weather.

"Lisa...."

Ok, it was a start. Her name could be the beginning of a sensible sentence.

Her hooded eyes opened and the blue fire incinerated him. Holy shit- she looked to be in some kind of trance.

When her head fell against the wall behind her, he automatically feasted on her neck, while his hands somehow pushed her shirt up. No bra. Great...  The taste of her rigid nipple against her tongue came as a surprise. He was on auto-pilot...

"Daddy, you're so fucking hard. You wanna do it right here? I don't think I can...oh fuck...."

Whatever she had intended to say must have been swallowed by his sharp bites and suckling movements as he took turns torturing each breasts.

Helpful as usual, Lisa aided in discarding his t-shirt and began to kiss a scorching path down his neck and across his chest.

This was how it had always been. Give and take. Each move a counter attack and retaliation for pleasure that was offense and surrender packaged into velvet enshrouded nitroglycerin. 

Hot hands pushed down his pants and he must have somehow been an accomplice in the welcome assault. Before he knew it, he had been stripped of his garments- and his intentions to slow things down to clarify his intentions.

His jutting, blood filled erection left little doubt as to where his body wanted to be. Inside her heat was a most agreeable destination at this point, and Lisa's next action of wiggling out of her own jeans, provided the screaming, flashing road sign he could not ignore.

No, I can't do this! I gotta talk to her. I gotta make her see that just one hit of her, no matter how mind-blowing it would be, was not going to do the trick.

He was done lying. To himself and to her. He was also done believing his own justifications. No more free passes. They had gotten him nothing but another run in with meds he needed to stay away from and two women who thought they needed to dictate his life. He'd deal with Grace and Julia. Lisa had to be first. As she always should have been.

Man! He must really be going out of his mind with desire for Lisa if not even thoughts of Grace sufficed to soften his dick. So, why not indulge?

"It wouldn't be right... I can't lie to you... I love you, I want you, Lisa...but..."

"Stop talking...you got me, baby. Make love to me...this one last time..."

One more kiss, fogging his mind, dousing his senses in that delirious blue steam evoked by her eyes, her kisses, her body heat.

Grabbing her wrists, he stopped her hands that have once again reached for him while her mouth had kissed the hollow of his neck.

They are right, Mike. You are some kind of freak. Here she is in her little red thong...soaking wet, with this diamond hard, rose colored nipples, here skin already pink, indicating how aroused she is....and you'e stopping her? You love her- you're alive. Fuck her until you die that small death that will seal the deal.

When he pulled her hands above her hand she opened her eye and stared at him. Sapphire galaxies through a silver haze. The sweat decorating her upper body with sparkling glitter drew his gaze.

So beautiful.

"Then why do you stop? Don't tell me you...changed your mind. Not now..."

His admiration had obviously been mumbled aloud. Her response almost startled him out of his resolve.

The fearful tremor tugged at his very core. How did she manage? How was she this sexual, sensual vixen, hair wild, breasts jutted out at him, pussy dripping, while one look, one tone in her voice betrayed the though exterior and let her insecurities and vulnerabilities shine through. He had hurt her so badly. She needed to understand that he wanted more than her divine body- he was after the comfort of her trust. Love was a token he understood he already had conquered. Maybe an eternity ago when their souls were forged from the same material. Trust was a different creature. One as fragile, intangible, and invaluable as a diamond studded unicorn.

"Baby..." The kiss could not be helped and she sighed against him.

"No, I didn't change my mind. But you gotta know... This isn't gonna be just a one-time thing. I love you. I can't let you go. And you don't want me to let go. I fucked up. But we can make a go of it. I can fix it..if you gimme time."

She averted her eyes. Shit! Not a good sign.

"Don't do this, Mike. I want you. Now. That's all I can promise."

Well, that wasn't all the assurance he was after.

When her eyes broke away, his fell onto her breasts, heaving now, laboring from her lungs being infused by the truth she could not yet handle.

His lips were parched and nothing was more natural than to wet them with her sweetness. His tongue found her hardened nipple and when he drew it into his mouth, the cure that escaped her mouth was indistinguishable with his name.

"I need more...Lisa. I need a chance to make this ok. To make you see.... To atone."

His lips followed the ancient invisible path up her neck. The sweet poisonous truth of his words was whispered against her ear.  Maybe he could kill her doubts, resurrect her faith...

"I need...I need your dick. A fuck, Mike, that's all I want..."

The tough shield did not fool him.

The object of her pronounced desire jumped toward her as his heart called her a liar. Oh, he was well aware of how her body craved his, and he was only too happy to oblige. Her desire filled his nostrils.  Pheromones of undiluted madness. Receptors deep in his brain stood at attention. Their immunity providing gas masks had long been discarded.

"I know you do."

He shifted- one hand now keeping her arms suspended above her. The other hand turned her face toward him. Her evasive tactics would just not do. Once again this was about life and death. Lies and evasions were expired. The refrigerator of self deception blew a fuse and the heat of the truth fermented the goods.

"But Lise: While I'm gonna give you all your hot little body needs, I need you to know that I'm not gonna back off. I'm done hiding."

Anger flashed at him.

"Well, good for you. I wish you had been this brave and full of convictions when you abandoned me. I needed all of you then. Now, I only got use for one thing...and only one more time..."

Certain she was anchored to his eyes now, his hand slid to her cheek, caressing it for a moment before her collarbone and sternum became the bridge to the object he knew he once had possessed so securely and now had to reclaim: her heart.

Five fingers rested over the fluttering yet iron strong beat.

"You wanna give me your body, but withhold your heart? I know you better than that."

"Well, if I learned anything it is that we never know anyone as well as we think. You've always been a great teacher- and I finally got it. Took me a while."

Ok,time to play hardball. She was just not listening. Annoying woman! How he loved and adored her stubbornness!

Lisa obviously read his thoughts as some kind of encouragement and started to struggle against his hold.

 "Stop squirming…"

"If you don't want me, let me go. We're done."

Leaning back into her, he captured the pouting lips despite her efforts to twist away from his grasp. The kiss was intended to be gentle, but turned almost savage as it became the battleground of their frustrations. And yet she kept responding.

The moment he felt her go weak from the need for air, he turned his attention back to her neck. Ok, stubborn woman, she was not going to be the one breaking away to take that breath...

His hand traveled south, pinching her nipples, then tracing the goosebumps of her quivering abs. Her breathing went erratic when he brushed against the soaked silken thong, then caressed her thigh.

The whimper was an attempt to keep from calling out his name.

God. He was about to cum. She better see reason soon or he'd have to restrategize.

"We'll never be done. And you don't want just a fuck. Your dripping pussy can't fool me, Lisa. I know you want this.."

He took hold of the useless last barrier and ripped it off.

“And we don’t need this now…”

Two fingers entered her and she cried out as her hip responded with an instant movement against him.

Her eyes burned into his. Panting, she licked her lips, holding still now.

"But I want more... I want this, too..."

His mouth kissed the spot he had touched earlier... The ultimate treasure: her heart...

Was the moisture in her darkening eyes evidence of her increasing arousal or tears?

"You can't...always..get what you want..."

The movement of his fingers inside her obviously impeded her ability to speak.  Moisture flooded his hand and he felt her inner muscles tighten against him.

She was so full of shit. And suddenly, he knew he was going to win this battle.  Maybe it was a mistake to be competitive at this point.  But hey, he always won.  Surrender was neither a world in his vocabulary nor a concept in his world view.  Here lately he had forgotten just how much of a fighter he had always been. His famous rhinoceros skin had been thinned- but it was still in place. Last night had proven that he was not a doormat, he was no longer a victim.  His choice was life. And with that came Lisa.  It was a forgone conclusion.

“Well, baby girl, we’ll see about that…”

Once again, their history was on his side. He knew the exact moment he had to back off. She might be a master of holding back her thoughts and feelings, but he knew her body, and at this stage of the game, it could not fool him.

All moments stilled and Lisa’s eyes flew open and assaulted him as he drowned in the hurricane of her barely contained, turbulent emotions.

“Bastard.”

His cocky smile was reflected in the azure mirrors before him.

“I never said I’d fight fair.  But I want you to promise you gimme another chance.”

Her eyes narrowed and she chewed on her lip.  Her chest was heaving. The fight between the physical need to grant him anything he wished and her overtaxed internal alarm system was obvious.

Oh, no, he was not done. Breaking eyecontact, he kissed her neck, and his fingers once again swam in her warmth.  His thumb made contact with her distended clitoris and he felt her jerking as if he had hit her with a thousand volts. His penis empathized and cried out for her.

Not yet buddy, be patient. It will be so worth it.

“Michael…please…”

“No, Lisa, no need to beg me. Not that it doesn’t turn me on, babe. 

But all you have to do is take that leap with me… Gimme what I want and I give you what you need.”

Small whimpering sounds accompanied movements of her hips as 

she tried to break the tension.  She was good- but he was better.

“Come on, baby girl. Stop fighting it. Let me make it up to you.  I will make all your pain go away. I know it’ll take a while…but I can do it.”

He was aware how slippery his hold on her wrists had become.  Glittering sparkles of sweat adorned her gorgeous body. 

“I hate you so much right now…” she breathed the words with fiery devotion, and he did not mind the obvious lie.

“That’s ok…I love you enough for both of us.”

A couple of more movements of his fingers, making sure to hit her internal spot, keeping her on that ledge for another couple of seconds…  Bending his head, he suckled her nipples once again.

“Ok, fine, you dirty freak. I give. You’ll get your chance- that’s all I will promise. And heaven help you if you fuck me over again.”

The kiss swallowed any other words.

YES!

He knew it. He knew it could be done and he did it. She might be invincible and a force in her own right, but he knew her weaknesses. Her surrender was not a jewel in his crown- this was not about his vanity or his need to dominate.  This was for both of them. The eternal power struggle had to stop. The madness of one of them being ready to work on their problems while the other one wanted to run for the hills was old and outdated. Time for trying something new.

Her capitulation had come at the right time. She was not the only one whose endurance was wearing thin. Kissing her wildly, he picked her up and in the most natural movement of all, his penis impaled her hot, clenching body.  Using the wall as leverage he ground into her, and it took no time at all before she started cuming, sobbing his name mixed with some curses that sounded like endearments. When she bit his shoulder, he didn’t even feel it as all his sensations were concentrated on the pulsing pleasure-pain mixture in his lower half. Lisa calmed down and he kissed her again, calling up every ounce of self-control as he stilled his movements, giving her a minute to calm down.

“You ok?” Suddenly he remembered she had come through surgery not too long ago.  From under heavily lidded eyes she glared up at him.

“Yeah- despite you torturing me as usual.”

“Well, I’m not done.”

She wiggled her cute ass. Man, he must be getting old. It was no longer as easy to hold her up and fuck her senseless like it used to be.

“I didn’t think you were.  And how do you know I am...”

Her dirty smile gave him the green light he was looking for.

Kissing her, he started to stride to the couch he had spotted behind them.  Lisa laughed lowly and his penis jumped inside her.  Her body was almost his undoing- the tight heat around him, her pulsing walls, the smell of her, the feel of her feverish skin under his hands…

When he lifted her off him, he shuddered, intensely suffering from the loss of warmth.  Lisa made a protesting sound which he swallowed with his next kiss.

“Turn around and hold on. The ride ain’t over..”

His voice was tinted by the passion racing through him and she licked her lips as he saw the flames of desire intensify once again in her eyes.

Flattening her back, she stuck her ass toward him, the perfect rounding of her behind making his mouth water.

She looked at him over her shoulder. “Bring it on then, Daddy.”

Holding the perfect globes in his hands he spread her, and was greeted by the perfect view of her dripping pussy.  Aiming his manhood perfectly, he impaled her slowly, almost dying as he watched inch by inch being swallowed by her greedily.  Lisa tried to force a faster entry, but he held her hips, maintaining control, relishing the sweet agony.

He stopped at the last possible moment, pulling her toward him, hearing her moan as he hit her cervix.  Bending,he kissed her shoulders.  One hand found her breasts and he tweaked her nipples, feeling her muscles spasm against him in response. Slowly, he withdrew, letting the tip of his engorged penis resting at her opening as she whimpered against him, her head now resting against her arm, trying to muffle her sounds.

One more delay before he could no longer hold back and he slammed into her, causing Lisa to call out his name which mingled with his own moan.  The ancient rhythm of love and passion overtook him as the drumbeat of his pulse set the pace.  Each thrust was met by her with equal fervor and their sighs, moans, and dirty little curses filled the room. Desperately, he tried to hold on and fight the rising flood, the sweeping torrent, aiming to rip him apart. He felt the change in her temperature when her muscles once again closed on him.  Reaching around, he rubbed and pinched the little nub which was slippery and hard under his touch.  Screaming, she came apart only seconds before the blinding lights forced him to squeeze his eyes shut.  The intense orgasm took him on an incredible ride.  This was life: his heart, his body, one with Lisa. He was safe and secure.  He was giving and taking. He was both savior and saved. He was home. It was that simple.

And that complicated.

During his intense rapture, he had pulled Lisa upright and against him.  Her hair cascaded down his shoulder.  When his arms closed around her, he was unable to distinguish his heartbeat from hers.

“Wow…” Lisa’s voice was dark and hoarse.

He nibbled on her neck and kissed her shoulder, unwilling to break the connection.  God, he wanted this peace to hold.  Too often had they found themselves like this before round two thousand and fifty-nine of their never ending fight marathons started.

Withdrawing, he noticed his semen dripping from Lisa.  Briefly, he wondered if he should have used protection.  Then a million other questions took precedence.

She turned and snuggled into him.  Ok. This was good. She did not seem to be intent on fighting.

When she looked up at him, he detected insecurity in her eyes.  Kissing her nose, he picked her up.

“You need to lay off the snack, Miss Presley. You are not as light as you used to be.”

Playfully, she bit his shoulder.

“Maybe it’s more like that you, Mr Jackson, need to work on that stamina.”

He entered the bedroom and dropped her onto the bed.

“Hey!”

“I show you stamina, big mouth.”

Coming to rest next to hear, he kissed her for what seemed an eternity.  Finally, Lisa snuggled up to him, resting her head against his chest. He played with her hair, suddenly feeling fatigued and exhausted.  For some reason, it seemed as if he once again had battled for his very life.  Her promise to give them a chance was like a titanium life line.

“Lisa…You meant it right?  I mean…um…you will give us a chance, right. Beyond this, I mean.”

Feeling her stiffen did not exactly fill his heart with confidence.  Would she renege?  She promised, but so what?  What was he going to do- sue her for breach of sex-induced oral commitments?

“How do you see this happening, Michael?  What do you expect me to do? Just forgive and forget? Even if I could forgive, how do I forget?  Sex alone won’t fix this…”

“Well, I could keep you busy and distracted, you know.”

Maybe humor would save him. Not like he had any other answers.

“Yeah, you could, super-stud.” Her playful smile infused him with hope.

“Lisa, seriously. I’ll do anything you want me to.  When I said I know I fucked up, I was serious. You know how hard it is for me to admit I was dead wrong. Just don’t make me go. Don’t make me live without you.”

“And if that’s what I need from you?”

Her hesitant answer brought his worst fears to the surface. Yes, what if that was exactly what she needed? He said he’d do anything. Would that include leaving her alone?

“Lisa, don’t ask that of me. Please- not till you give me a chance to make this right.”

Her sigh broke his heart. Her struggle was apparent.

“Fucking hell, Michael. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew what I needed. Then you have to show up here and throw everything into a tailspin again. Dammit all to hell.”

She sniffled against him, and he felt a sob shake her. Instinctively, his arms tightened around her. Yes, this was his doing. Her pain was inflicted by his arrogance and his crazy talent for listening to the absolutely wrong people.

“I’m so sorry. But I ‘m not sorry I came. And I’m not sorry we made love. And also, I’m not sorry for browbeating you into giving me your promise.”

“Yeah, what was that? Talk about cruel and unusual warfare.”

“Hey, I think it falls under ‘all is fair in love and war’.”

“Whatever…”

“You weren’t’ complaining when you squeezed my dick half to death. Not once but twice.”

“Cocky ass!”

At least his comment earned him a laugh with the small slap against his chest. Before she kissed the spot she hit. Thank God- it almost felt like she was coming around.

“So, when you say you do anything…what does that mean?”

His fingers found her chin and he lifted her gaze toward him. It was essential she see how serious he was.

“You name it. I’m sorry, I can’t leave you right now, but anything else I’ll do. I’ll risk anything for that chance Lisa. If you can do this, there is nothing I won’t do…”

For the first time in a very long time, his words reflected the absolute truth.  There had been another point in time, when he would have done anything for her.  A time, before seas of poison and mountains of distrust and hurt divided them.  For many years, he knew, he felt she loved him- but some deep-seated fear prevented him from going the distance. He was conditioned to make sure any contract held escape clauses and provided safety nets.  Good business practice- horrible basis for a relationship.

“Ok, so, if I want you to make sure you are healthy. I mean, totally away from having to rely on drugs, you’d do it.”

A deep inhaled breath forced back the automatic defenses.  He didn’t do drugs. He took his medications.

“Michael?”

Of course she felt his hesitation.

God, he was so weak. He talked a good game- but she knew where his flaws hid.

“Michael. You’ve been through hell. I know you needed meds to make it through. I know what happens when you get worn down- it takes your body along with your anxieties. But you’ve been down this road before. You can’t hide. And it leaves you so fucking vulnerable to people like Grace who think they can control you…Speaking of…”

Ok, for once he was ahead of the game.  A solid spot on the quicksand.

“Lisa, - she is gone.”

Lisa sat up. Surprise colored her whole being from the expression in her eyes to her tense way she carried her body.

“What you mean: gone?”

“I took her along and she will take a plane back to the States. I flew in a nanny who worked for me before.  She’ll get here tonight.”

“And Grace just left without a flight?”

Well, he might be good, but he was no miracle worker.

“I wouldn’t exactly say that.”

“Ok, well, I wanna talk to her before she leaves. And I want you to be there.”

Oh, fuck.  He hated open conflict and a meeting between Grace and Lisa was a breeding ground for bloodletting. 

A calming breath.  He could do this. He said, anything.  And he meant it.

“Ok…”

“And I want us to go slow.  At my pace.”

Her pace? What did that mean?  Weeks? Months?  What?

“Don’t look at me like that, Mike. I know you are right now trying to figure out what I mean by that.  If you need an exact timeline, forget it. I am really giving you more than you deserve, so don’t push it.”

Push it?  Seemed like she was the one pushing it.  But ok, he actually preferred her in that mode. It was so much safer than her resignation.  And it was funny how she had read his thought. 

“Ok, we’ll go slow…”

An easy concession.  They had tried this going slow thing before. They had also tried the ‘lets just be friends’ thing.  And crashed and burned at both. 

Lisa nodded and he pulled her back down toward him, using the opportunity to kiss her slowly, enjoying the play of their lips and their tongues. 

“Does going slow mean, no sex?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet…”

“Well, while you work that out..” He rolled over on his back and pulled her onto his body.

“Yes…?” She rose and came to sit astride him, her strong thighs holding him prisoner.  With a naughty smile, she started to caress his upper body, bending forward every now and then, kissing him, while her nipples stimulated and teased him.

“And since you are all in charge and all…”

Her hot mouth found his neck and she kissed and nibbled him until his penis was protesting beneath her, rising to new life, pushing against her increasingly wet center.

“Yes..?”

He cradled her head between his hands, holding her hair back so he could kiss her more thoroughly.

“Why don’t you just take total command and have your wicked way with me?”

“I’m not done giving you the conditions here, buster.”

She lifted up slightly and her hand found his now painful erection. Oh shit! If she kept it up, the advantage would be in her hands- quite literally.

“Well, I am just looking out for your health. And since you obviously want to take advantage of me again, I’m thinking that might be easier with you riding me, Princess.”

Her grip tightened and his eyes closed.  Oh yeah, he’d agree to anything in a minute…

“You are too kind. And you need to pay for all the shit you put me through, so maybe I will take advantage of you. If you can handle it.”

Lisa had obviously planned to torture him by lowering herself onto him in the same slow drag he had used earlier.  His hands coming to rest on her hips, he thrust upward, pulling her down at the same time. Her eyes became huge and glossy as he hit home.

“Fuck!”

“Oh yeah, baby, I intend to…”

Lifting her up slightly, their dance for dominance continued, and did not end until they both were equally rewarded and exhausted.

Finally, after a wild and deeply satisfying ride, they both drifted off, his arms once again securely tightened around her, her head on his chest. 

The ringing of the phone startled him and for a moment he was afraid it had all been a dream and he was in his room in Bahrain, alone, and in pain.

Lisa moved across him to reach the receiver.  She listened and sat up with a start, turning away from him. 

“No, it’s fine…go ahead.  … No, tell me now. I waited long enough- you said you’d have them before now. No, I cannot come in tomorrow. And I cannot calm down- since you called anyway, you might as well tell me now.”

Michael sat up behind her, his hand on her shoulder. 

Oh God. The call must be about the results for her tests.  All night long, the question about her health had been on his mind. Fear had held back the question. She said they had told her she might have cancer.  Was that what the call was about? 

The fear of the previous night was nothing compared to the absolute horror racing through him now.  He tried to read her expression, but she kept her head averted and hid behind her hair as she listened.

“Ok, I understand. Yes, thank you.”

Slowly she hung up the receiver as he held his breath and his blood pounded in his ears.

“Lisa?”

Her shoulders rose and fell under her heavy breath.

“Baby…talk to me. What did they say?”

She turned in what seemed to be slow motion, and he pushed her hair behind her ear. When her eyes finally found his, they were hazy from unshed tears.

Oh shit.

Here he had thought their fate was totally in their own hands.  Would he ever learn?  His heart sent a silent prayer to the force that had always strengthened his soul. God had guided him the previous night. Surely, he would keep Lisa sheltered and healthy.  Or, was it his turn to pay for the sin of contemplating suicide by having to undergo the agony of watching his very heart and soul suffering right before his eyes.

Either way, he was ready.  No matter how the dice fell, he would be there with her and for her. He reached for her frozen hand and squeezed it.

Her deeply indrawn breath was his signal to prepare himself for the leap into the frozen, scalding, frightening unknown.  He was ready. Whatever it was- he would not let her go. Not ever again.

©2011 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. 

The Difference is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License