The Difference- Chapter 21

Important update:
Fateful Encounters, chapter 47 was updated today at
http://www.planetjackson.net/fateful-encounters.html

Now, back to The Difference
21



The perfect metronome for the rhythm of her heart.  Closing her eyes, she smiled as the beating inside her own chest adjusted to Michael’s guiding pace.  So in tune…why in the world did she long to escape only hours ago?  Running and hiding were such treacherous solutions- tempting at times, but ultimately impossible.  And if she succeeded and her camouflage successfully allowed her to blend into the miserable bleak landscape of her life devoid of his light, then what?  Sure, she’d be safe from being devoured by her only natural predator, but where did that leave her? Alone and victim to her own desolate thoughts, that's where.

Well, it seemed she did not have to worry about it.  He had picked up the scent and pursued his prey.  Something had finally jarred him out of his frozen stance.  It did not matter if her words or actions had unearthed the fragile relict of his caring- all that counted was that he was here.  And that he had spoken the words that had revived her existence with color and depth: tender spring after deadly winter. 

He loved her.

He was here.

He had not let her run away.

How in the world had she been this lucky?

Why did her life always have to blow apart in a glorious display of fire and sparks before she could notice the tender sapling breaking through the layers of ashes?

Only hours ago, she had been done with him.  No more bashing her head against this particular wall.  She called Alecia after the fear of going home to an empty house had almost immobilized her.  This desperation was eerily familiar.  How many times had she been down this road before?  Filled with rage, sadness, desperation- and all those raging emotions usually turned against the most obvious enemy: herself.  Years of therapy and self-discipline had increased her ability to cope if not her resilience.  The pain was too intense.  Once again she had committed the unforgivable sin and had allowed herself to harbor destructively high hopes.  And once again she felt like somehow she had been flung off a high building.  If nothing else, she had learned to reach out and aim for the safety net somewhere beneath her.  Knowing she would not be alone had somehow made a difference.

Arriving at the house, she immediately attempted to drown her pain in the well-known bottle.  that would do until Alecia arrived.  Of course, she only knew too well that the vodka was nothing more than glorified formaldehyde- preserving her stupidity and her guilt.

Alecia finally arrived- letting herself in with the key hidden outside.  Calmly, she took one look at Lisa and reached for her glass, which Lisa pulled away.  Alecia just rolled her eyes, shrugged, poured herself a drink, and sat down, listening patiently to Lisa's incoherent ranting and raving about events of this night.  When Lisa finally shut up to blow her nose, Lish took the chance to jump in.

“You do know why he was there with the chick, right?”

Lisa had looked up through almost blind eyes. Was she not listening?

“To fuck her, why else?  To get a good laugh at me while he nailed her against the same wall…”

“Can you stop shooting the damn stuff, Lise?  Let's preserve whatever brain cells are left. You make no sense.   You took Lockwood there, right?  Did you plan to fuck him against some wall?  By the way, what’s up with that?  Are you going for some kind of high-post award?”

“Michael doesn't like beds- too soft and…and…what the fuck?  Does it matter Lish?  But no, of course I had no plan of doing Lockwood."

The comment had caught her off guard and she actually put her glass down.

What an odd question for her friend to ask.  And why did she act so unsupportive?  Had she not just laid out that she was breaking up with Lockwood and went to the Ivy to stay strong and keep the course?

And then Michael showed up with the legal beaver… Who cares why he went there.  He probably…

Lisa stopped in mid-thought, and her mouth dropped open.  Her eyes flew up and she stared at Alecia who held her gaze, nodding.

“See what I’m saying now, Lise?”

Oh God! Shit!

Of course! 

The flash went off with explosive white light, stunning her.  Instead of blinding her, which would have been a welcome relief, it ripped the blindfold off her eyes with the searing intensity of a removed bandaid. 

Holy shit! She did it again!

So much for learning from the past, you crazy lunatic.

The realization that Michael’s motives for bringing Julia to the Ivy probably matched her own threatened to throw her headfirst into a vat of acid- or vodka, which was way more accessible.  Oh, how she wished for the luxury to return to indignant anger about his supposed betrayal.  Once again, she had fucked up royally.  Why did this happen over and over? Why could she not trust him?  Or was it that she did not trust herself…

Why would someone as perfect as Michael ever tie himself to something as ugly and insignificant as you?

This was the question at the root of most of her self-destructive behaviors in connection to her relationship with him.  After all his oaths of love and devotion, his attention, his commitment, his abandonment of all rules he had set for himself, his uncharacteristic leniency when he allowed her back in which was so contradictory to his tendency to freeze people out permanently, why could she still not fathom that he might love her enough to not abandon her?

To be fair, she really had not known he loved her. Sure she had hoped, but he had been so bitter and closed off.

Lisa, he wrote it in his note…You had it in writing.  What do you mean you didn’t know?

Michael writes- it’s what he does.  He might have meant it metaphorically.

Nope.  You fucked up.  Face it. He was as clear as the shit you’re drowning yourself in. So you might as well continue and celebrate the depth of your inequity.

Finally, exhaustion and alcohol joined forces and she passed out, ending her current misery.  Tomorrow would find her way better equipped to clean up this mess- nothing much she could do tonight but try to sleep it off.  Her dreams were a messy and frightening concoction of trying to run after a figure in some kind of dreary, foggy forest.  At times he turned, and each time the image shifted from Michael to it being her father.  She ran and stumbled along, cold and crying, yelling for him to please stop.  From time to time, he was so close she could almost reach out and touch him.  Her hand touched the golden fabric of his coat.  Her fingers tightened- and he was gone again. Opening her hand, all she held were ashes that blew away in the cold wind, and she was left empty handed, alone, trembling, and scared.

Strangely, at some point during the night something had shifted and some odd sense of peace had enveloped her.  The dream stopped as if someone had pushed pause on a VCR.  Exhaustion took her under its wings. The first thing she perceived when she resurfaced from the strange isolation zone was the familiar aroma.  She had to be making it up! Her senses were seriously out of whack.

As soon as she opened her eyes, it all fell into place.  Or at least she understood her odd sensory hallucinations that turned out to be only too real.  The fact that the person she expected least but desired most was right there with her was unbelievable.  However, it was crystal clear that he had been responsible for the cloud of comfort.  Her body knew its homing beacon when it was close.

The mere fact of his presence illuminated her with joy and relief even as her fuzzy and pounding head reminded her of her attempts at poisoning herself.  Fleeing from his proximity, she knew she had to gain a measure of distance to impose some kind of order on her racing thoughts.  Climbing over him, the hard ridge beneath her aroused her body with the crazy desire only he could stir despite the most ridiculous of circumstances.  Brushing her teeth, staring into her mirror, splashing her face were all attempts to ensure this was really happening. And then she listened to his voicemail and had to pinch herself to make one hundred percent sure she was not still dreaming. 

He loved her!

Called her a pain in the ass, too. 

But he loved her! 

Despite her running out of the place and leaving him to a no doubt very unpleasant Lockwood he still had come after her.  And since she doubted he had brought Juliette along, he must have rid himself of her charming presence at some point last night.  And now he was here, demanding an apology, looking good enough to eat, probing her soul with those dark orbs.

“Why are you wearing clothes?” She realized the question was not what he wanted, but it somehow tumbled out of her mouth.  Michael semi dressed and lounging in her bed were concepts that were mutually exclusive in her mind.

“I’m sorry- is that the apology I’m waiting for? A lecture in bed-clothing etiquette?”  He cocked his head half playful, half serious. Oh God! How she adored him.  It was scary on so many levels!

Lisa took his hand and placed it over her chest.  Then she took his other and put it next to hers over his heart.

“What do you notice?”

“Besides you not apologizing for your absolutely ridiculous, childish, stupid, rash, idiotic behavior?”

“Can you be patient- I’m working up to it.”

He laughed, “Oh, my bad! You had me fooled.  You hide your intentions so well.”

“Yeah, kinda like you hide your feelings.  Shut up and listen to our bodies.  What do you notice?”

His eyes closed and he stilled.  A smile stole onto this face.  The gorgeous black pools opened again and warmed her from the inside.

“It’s the same.”

She smiled back.  Bingo!

“Yeah, mine was racing just a second ago, and they were out of sync- and now our hearts…”

“They dance- to the same rhythm.  Bound to each other.”

“Ok, no sappy shit.” She slapped him lightly across the chest and laughed.

“Oh, who, me? Don’t worry. But remind me to tell you about this song I have been playing with. Right after you apologize.”

“How do you know I will?”

He laughed out loud and she had to hold back the urge to kiss him. “Ha! Cause I know you’re full of shit, and I also know you got it figured out. Your buddy said you were mad at yourself.”

Did he have to be so fucking smart?  And why did Alecia feel it was ok to not only let him into her house but into her state of mind? 

You better send her the biggest fruit basket or flower bouquet later! You owe her big time, fuck up!

Indeed, she did!

“Ok, so I know why you took her there. Same reason I took Lockwood, I guess.  Only difference is he got his when he fucked around with me.”

“Yeah, so I heard.  And saw. He did not seemeto have appreciated his little shower by the way.  He was a bit mad.”

“So you talked to him?”

“Not voluntarily.  I tried to ignore him, and he would not shut up. He obviously wanted to pick a fight. Got what he wanted, too.”

“You fought?  Shit…” Who was this man in her bed who looked like her ex-husband?

“Well, he pushed, and I lost it a little bit.  Security held me back, so I didn’t hurt his ...ah...handsome mug.” Michael made a funny face and she could not help the giggle.

“Oh shit! What did he say? I know you- you have to be pretty pissed to wanna fight.”

“He was disrespectful to you.  He somehow insinuated you’re a freak.”

Bastard.  She should have kicked his ass instead of just putting his pants into the state he was used to.  Fucking piss ass! How dare he say anything to Michael about her?  And what would Lockwood know about just how big of a freak she could be- when that side only came out with that particular man right infront of her?

“I am a freak.  Over you. Totally fucked up.”

“I really can’t take credit for all that, you know?” He smirked at her again.

Lisa could not contain herself anymore and leaned forward, her lips drawn like magnets to his sensual mouth.  The impact was sweet and gentle.  They exchanged several chaste kisses, simply enjoying the feeling of their lips and the soft caresses of their breath.  Michael reciprocated and seemed to enjoy the contact, taking his time kissing her back.

“So, why did he say I was a freak?  ‘Cause I let him touch me at one point in time?”

“Ouch! Do you have to remind me?”

His hand found her cheek and she turned her face into his palm. 

“Michael, you have to know that no one can ever bring me to life like you can.  It’s like I don’t even get into it all that much…unless it’s with you. I seek these contacts to forget somehow- forget you…only to be reminded that it can never happen.  You are a part of me.”

She turned and kissed his hand. He bent forward and cradled her face between both hands now, bringing her back to his mouth.  This time, his tongue gently demanded entrance and she very willingly opened up, relishing the deep, slow kiss.

He broke away and she felt his quickening breath.  Again her reaction mirrored his.  Gosh- she wanted him so much already- but they needed to talk.

“You saying you don’t like sex? You could’a fooled me.”

The hot eyes were scorching her soul and stealing her breath. 

“I live for making love to you Michael.  Everything else is torture ‘cause at some point I realize it is not your touch.  And it freaks me out, seriously.  I can’t explain it.  So, what did the little bastard say about me? I mean if you wanted to kick his ass, it must have been pretty bad.”

Michael looked down and let one hand leave her face, tracing her neck and down to her collarbone. His eyes followed the movement and it seemed as if he was deliberating if he should tell her. 

“Something about how you would like it if I had you and Julia get it on while I watched.”

“What a sick bastard! You totally should have kicked his ass! I’m all for it now! Can we drive over there? I won’t hold you back, promise.”

Michael laughed and placed a kiss on her neck before falling back into his pillow. 

“Well, I kinda am a little sad it didn’t happen.  Me kicking his butt, I mean. I could’a taken his skinny ass on, too.”

She smiled, and let the back of her hand caress his cheek now. “I know you could have. You da man!”

Pulling her forward, he maneuvered her body to come to rest over him, her chest against his, one leg between his outstretched legs, leaving no doubt about how big of a man he was.

“Hey, something grew even more.  The idea of me and your little friend turning you on?”

“Lisa!” Michael snorted, laughing. 

His hands now roamed over her back and down to her shorts, caressing her behind, causing goosebumps to race through her.  Those hands contained magical powers and she relaxed against his touch as her heart rate increased.  Maybe the serious talk should wait… Her body reacted to the thought by filling her nether region with blood and moisture. 

“No, I mean, I know how you men are.  Come on! I know you dream about shit like that- don’t even lie.  But sorry, buster, I’m not sharing you with anyone! When you’re in the bed with me- or anywhere else with me- you are all mine…”

Michael grabbed her butt and pulled her hips into his jutting erection.  He might have left his boxers on, but she felt just about every detail of the incredibly hard weapon he carried.

“Princess…” His hips moved under her, simulating the movement she knew so well.  Dammit! WAY too many clothes in her way.  Her core temperature rose and her nipples hardened.

“I am always all yours. With you…” He kissed her lightly.

“Not with you….” Another kiss…

“On you…” The magic lips once more…

“Under you..” More kisses that served to turn her mind and body into liquid mercury…

“And …most of all…in you.”  His voice had dropped to a deep, hoarse whisper, and his eyes kept her a willing captive.  Taking the initiative and preempting his next kiss, she slanted her lips over him, her mouth and her tongue claiming him as hers.

Michael’s hand rested on her behind massaged her in circular, hypnotizing motion as his hips undulated under her and against her, causing incredible friction, driving the now wet material of her shorts against her extending clitoris.  Oh God! Dry humping had never been so good.  And misnamed, since not much about her was dry right now. 

His hot palm left her and before she could bemoan the loss of his touch, he unceremoniously let his palm descend on her with a loud smack.   

“Michael!” The squeal expressed her surprise as the sting spread through her and, like just another small river joining the mighty stream, flowed toward the delta of her personal sea of fulfillment.

“Don’t be so surprised. You are a bad…” Another smack.

This time her response was a moan and her legs closing over his.

“Bad.”

Funny, how she now craved the contact on her quickly warming skin.

“Girl.”

One more slap which added to the rewarding punishment.

Michael stared into her eyes which started to lose focus.

“You are something: You really get off on this, aren’t you? What am I gonna do with you?”

Her hand reached between them, holding his erection, which had expanded again, with a firm grip as she enjoyed the hot, hard flesh, and let it glide up and down the iron core, causing him to swallow hard.

“Don’t tell me you aren’t just as perverted, Daddy.  I don’t know what you could do.  Fuck me?  Love me?”

“Oh, baby.  I already love you.  I told you.”

In a surprise move, he flipped her over, coming to hover above her, his silky hair touching her cheek.

“And I will fuck you, make no mistake. Right after…” His mouth placed small kisses on her mouth, her cheeks, then down her neck.  The raspy tongue licked her hot skin and he found the hollow at the base of her throat which he kissed and suckled.  Every touch, every little bite, every stroke of his tongue was felt deep inside her womb and in her pussy.

Did he say ‘after?’

“After what?”

“Right after you finally apologize.”

Oh, that. 

Well, it was true, she had been an idiot and probably owed him an apology for jumping to conclusions.  Still, it was incredibly difficult for her to admit she was wrong.  Forced apologis carried a bitter taste.  Priscilla always had made her apologize for offenses she had not been the least bit sorry for.  And somewhere along the line, Lisa for some reason had learned to give in to pressure.  While she was stomping her foot in defiance on the inside.

Old habits were hard to break. Just like when the press had hounded her after the divorce about how crazy she had been to be with Michael in the first place.  How many times had she chosen the easy way out, agreeing that yes, she had been out of her mind to become Mrs Michael Jackson.  When really, she had never been more sane, and the only thing robbing her of her rationality was being separated from him.  Still, it was so much easier to agree with the leeches than to speak the truth, afraid she’d grant them insight into her soul.  Which was severely restricted territory anyway. Michael had been the only pioneer who had not been afraid to map all the mysteries and dangers.  He was now aware of all the hidden alleys, the areas of quicksand, the hidden swamps.  He alone had the ability to defend all her mysteries- and he alone had the ability to totally conquer her.

Lisa scooted from under him, sitting up against the headboard and Michael rolled onto his side, looking up at her, while his hand played with the bottom of her shirt, making it very difficult to concentrate.

“How formal do you want it?”

Michael laughed. “Is that a trick question?” That naughty look again. “Geez, Lisa, just get it over with.  You know you’ve been high on crazy! You almost dragged me down the street.  And I wore a really nice suit last night.”

“You are so dramatic! I did not drag you down the street.  And no one had you hold on to my car anyway.”

“Oh, so I was supposed to just let you take off on me again? After you just left me a voicemail about changing and about loving me?”

“You did let me take off!”

“You didn’t give me a chance to stop you.  You had your mind made up.  And you were horribly rude to Julia.”

Lisa grimaced, stopping short of sticking her tongue out at him, and he laughed.

“I would threaten more spankings, but that would only encourage you. So, no more kisses till I hear the rest- or the beginning.”

He was not going to let her get away. Fine.

She took a deep breath.  He was so worth it.  He was worth everything.  The way his eyes rested on her and warmed her with this inner light was overwhelming.  How had she lived without it?  No, not lived, survived.  Did she really ever convince herself that she could be indifferent?

“Michael, my love: I’ve been a total fuckhead last night.  I am so horrendously sorry. It would mean the world to me if you could find it in you to forgive me.  There- good enough?”

“Well, you were a fuckhead before last night, really.  Like when you pretended to call your boy toy and had your friend pick you up.”

So, he had figured it out.  Great.  Lisa felt herself blushing.  She hated being exposed for the childish, insecure twit she was.

“I was mad! I was hurt.  We just made love and you took her call.  Remember, I did not sleep with Lockwood after New York, while you could not resist tapping that thing one more time.”

The gorgeous eyes widened in pretend shock.  “Lisa! Tapping that thing?  Really? You are so bad!”

Lisa put a hand over her eyes.  The head ache had returned with a vengeance. Frustration was seeping in again, and she fought to keep a cool head.

“It doesn’t matter what I call it.  It kills me to think of you with someone else.  I still felt your touch, was sore from you, had your words in my ear- and then you talk to her.  The woman you’d so recently given it to.  The woman you had lunch with- with your kids.  Don’t you know what that did to me?”

Michael bit his lip and his eyes looked down at his hands.  His voice was hushed when he replied.  She could tell she had gotten to him.

 “We’ve been over this so many times.  We both have done this before.  We know it kills us to think of the other with anyone else.  How many times did I have to see you or read about you with your recent loser?” He ran his hand through his hair.  “No, I won’t go there. It doesn’t matter.  With Julia…I don’t know.  You and me, we weren’t together.  Not like that, not like before.   And then everything changed again the other night.  So, I get you felt threatened and I admit that I took that call to provoke you a bit.  So, maybe I was a bit immature myself.”

Did he just admit a weakness?  A possible mistake?  This was a new man for sure.  A more serious, grown up soul in the same gorgeous body.  Great- it made her look like even more of a loon.

“Maybe?  I know I’ve been pushing you.  I know you hate it.  But, Michael, I feel like I’m operating against some deadline set by you.  I feel you have forced me to play some freaky round of Russian roulette against the clock. I feel that anything I say will trigger that one bullet- only I am not sure what that anything would be.  And I gotta say something to make you understand how much I love you.  I really don’t think you get the depth of it all.”

“It’s not that. I told you I needed time.  And as soon as I did you started to make demands.”

“Ok, so I was wrong about that.  I am sorry, really.  But I don’t know what you want.  One moment you hint you want me to drop everything and come with you.  The next you want time.  I don’t feel like I have time. You have your plans and you are forging ahead- and it triggers all kind of nasty memories.”

“I had those plans before you told me that you loved me and wanted me back.  And let me tell you- that new version of the truth still has my head spinning.”

Lisa reached out for his hands, her small fingers closing over his larger, stronger digits.  The mere touch infused her with strength.  This conversation felt so different than the ones in the recent past.  Better, more open, more grounded…and more productive.

“But I do- I do love you.  Desperately.  Plus, you gave me such nice gravel- how could I not be under your spell?”

They burst out laughing at the same time.  How she had missed that. Those quiet moments where they could talk while still act goofy.

“Anyway, so I broke it off with Lockwood.  It was ugly and he wanted none of it. Heck…” She laughed in a sarcastic way, “He even offered to let me fuck you if I stayed with him.  All in the name of love.”

Michael’s eyes found hers again, and he used one hand to sandwich hers in a magical, comforting grasp.  It almost felt as if he was holding her heart: gently, yet securely. 

“I know, he told me.  That’s just so vile.  To think he would offer to share you like that…disgusting and sick.”

“Well, amazing what people agree to when they think they will be reimbursed nicely.  Made me feel real good, though.  Great for the self-esteem: I’m nothing but a bag of money to him- and as long as he gets to spend it, he doesn’t mind me getting freaky with others.  Or at least with you.”

“Maybe he talked to your other husbands and heard that you just can’t stay away. So he thought he’d give you advance permission.”

The mischievous glint was back in those gorgeous eyes.  She pulled her hand back and smacked him lightly across the chest once more.  As much as it annoyed her, she also adored the cocky side of him.  And of course he was right.  She had never been able to keep her distance- not for long.  And at extreme risk to her body and soul.

“Hey- I am glad to see that ego is still intact through.  I was worried.”

“What?  Just because I have pissed off every man you have been with since we met?  Something keeps you coming back, right?”

“You got it: It’s that humble personality everyone who doesn’t know you raves about, big head.”

He reached out and pulled her close by the back of her neck.

“You did not mind that big head when it pushed into your sweet pussy the other night.”

His words once again unleashed the avalanche of longing and desire.

“Now, who’s distracting whom…?”

He kissed her and gently bit and sucked on her lips before allowing his tongue to engage with hers.  God! He tasted so good:  Her nectar and her nourishment. Vanilla, cinnamon, and Michael.

“Michael…” All she managed was a sigh against him, hating to break away even for the shortest time.

“Hm…” He slanted his mouth in the other direction, taking great care to not leave any places in her mouth unexplored.  She felt as if his tongue was caressing the inside of her body in a totally different region.  Magic, indeed.

“I’m I done apologizing?”

“For now…and with words…”

He had pulled her closer and his hands were now roaming under her shirt.  As he caressed her back, he pushed the material up and Lisa very helpfully raised her arms, letting him pull it off.  He carelessly threw it on the ground. 

“Gosh, girl! I just saw you yesterday, just held you in my arms yesterday…and still I look at you and go wild wanting you.  You’re so beautiful…I can’t get enough…ever…”

His voice drifted off as his hands massaged her breasts and his thumbs rubbed over her nipples which tightened immediately.  Lisa closed her eyes, grateful that he was as distracted as she was.  Lisa spread her legs wider, allowing him to kneel between them, temptingly close to the center or her desire.  Bending forward, his hot mouth found first one peak, then the other, sucking, biting, and licking until Lisa thought she would pass out from pleasure.  Her hands grasped the material of his shirt and she started to pull it upward.  In the process, she touched his skin: so smooth, so hot…  Michael sat back and pulled off his shirt, tossing it away from him. Lisa leaned against the pillows, her nipples still stimulated.  Looking down, she saw them glistening from his kisses, the wetness colliding with the cool air, chilling her, adding to the stimulation.  Michael ran both his hands up her bent legs; ever so slowly, ever so torturously.

“Those beautiful legs, Lisa.  I really need you to stop using them to run away from me all the time. When you know, you want me right here, right between them…”  His fingers were now on her thighs, sqeezing, changing his touch from feather light to strong and demanding.

“As long as it’s only my legs you are between, I promise to stay put…”

The dark hue of her voice betrayed the playful tone.  She was going up in flames already.  Her hand ran across her breast and down her stomach toward her shorts. Those things really had to go- and soon!  Michael stopped his administrations and stared at her hand, which was now disappearing.

“That’s my girl. Touch yourself, baby.  Show me where you want me.”

One of his hands left her legs as he reached down and grabbed himself, stroking his pronounced hard-on through his boxers. Her own fingers found her drenched opening and she rubbed across her pouting clit, not being able to hold back a moan as her eyes stayed tethered to his. 

“I want you right…here…” She was well aware he could see her hand through the thin material.

Suddenly, he reached out and pulled the shorts from her unceremoniously.  Lisa yelped out in surprise, then smiled and spread her legs further, granting him a better view of her now dripping fingers.  Michael rose on his knees and Lisa abandoned her task to help rid himself  of his last pesky article of clothing. Why would he wear clothes in her bed anyway?  Didn’t he know that nothing surpassed his naked body?

His huge penis jumped toward her, the sensitive head already visible, beckoning for her touch.  Obligingly, her greedy fingers closed around him, amazed once again how she could not span his full girth.  Hating the distance between them, she rose on her knees and found his lips in a greedy kiss while she pumped him with the firm touch he liked.  In response, he moaned those wonderful little sounds into her mouth, driving her crazy.  One hand reached for her head and held her tightly bound to their kiss, while the other reached between them as his index finger traced up her thigh to her vagina. Using her dripping juices, he glided around her lips, tracing her sex before teasing the sensitive nerves right inside her opening.

“My baby is so wet for me.  You want me to find out how wet that pussy is on the inside?”

His mouth broke away long enough to whisper the redundant question.

“Fuck me with your fingers, Mike…please…”  

She moaned when he complied as his eyes took in her reaction, a smile playing on those sexy lips. Lisa’s hips danced against his touch and she felt herself rapidly approaching to the finish line.  Likewise, she felt his penis distending and jumping when she increased the tempo of her caress.

Suddenly he kissed her again, then gently removed his finger from her, reaching down and stilling her movement.

Lisa made a small protesting sound.

“Wait! I told you I have plans. Be patient!”

“Yeah, I have plans, too.  They involve you driving me crazy with that very ready, very needy weapon of yours.  And then, when you fuck me hard and I cum under you, I want you to join me in paradise. It’s part of my apology, you know. “

Michael giggled and kissed her.

“So generous of you. Don’t worry- I’m gonna cum- and so are you.  I plan to hear you begging my forgiveness as I make you repent your evil ways...”

Lisa kissed his neck, enjoying the shiver making him tremble.

“I thought you liked my evil ways.”

“I do…”

She heard a sound from the bathroom.  Not the first time, either. However, so far she had been able to block it out.  Michael looked into the direction of the chime as well.

“Is that your phone?  It keeps going off.”  She adored the annoyed look on his face. 

“Fuck the phone.  The only thing I want right now is for you to get me off…”

“Well, I think, what you really need…” He scooped her up, then simply got off the bed with her.  For someone looking as frail as he did at times he was still amazingly strong.

“Michael! You will hurt yourself!”

“Ye of little faith! No, I decided we need a shower, so we can move on with my plan.”

What plan?  And why was it always his agenda that drove everything? 

Abandoning all those useless questions she simply surrendered for now.  Michael carried her into the bathroom while she continued to kiss his neck and nibble on his ear, very aware of his erection beneath her.  He was such a poser! He was as turned on as she was- as much in need of their bodies giving them the only relief that counted.  A shower was fine, as long as they’d get nice and dirty in the process.  Michael let her glide down and leaned her against the area by the sink, kissing her thoroughly, before reaching over to turn on the controls in her shower.

“Gotta let it heat up.” He kissed her neck in downward motion, then traced her collar bone with his tongue, placing wet kisses down her chest until he once again suckled on her nipples.  In the meantime, his hands massaged her behind while she enjoyed the play of his back muscles beneath her palms.

Lisa lifted her leg against him, rubbing herself against his thigh, leaving no doubt that she was on fire.

The idiotic sound of the phone intruded on her rapture again.  Annoyed she reached over and pressed the on button without checking the ID. 

“Whoever it is- I am extremely busy now and can’t talk, call later.”

Whoever it was probably thought she was in the middle of a strenuous workout if they listened to her breathing.  And they would be correct.

Michael blew on her puckered nipples, making her giggle.

“Lisa- I have been trying all morning to reach you. We need to talk.”

Lockwood.

She froze.  What the hell?  What did he not understand about last night?

Michael gazed up at her, feeling the change in her body.

Turning slightly, she hissed into the phone. “Are you shitting me?  We said everything there is to say last night.  If you continue to call I will block your number, you sorry…”

Suddenly, the phone was removed from her hands.

“Lockwood.  I thought I told you last night to leave us alone.”

Did Michael just take her phone?  She almost had to laugh. His face was flushed both from the continued arousal and the anger she saw flashing in his eyes. His voice was deadly calm- and for some reason it turned her on even more.

“Yes, it’s me.  And it’s none of your business why I’m on Lisa-Marie’s phone.  The point is you are not supposed to bother her.  As in ever again. And no, she can’t come back on the line.  She is extremely indisposed right now.  We’re about to take a shower- have a good life.”

With that he clicked the phone shut and handed it back to her.

All she could do was stare at him for a second before she burst out laughing.

“Wow- that was…so macho.”

“What an asshole! You should file a restraining order against him.”

“Well, as long as I got you, I guess I’m safely protected.”

“Maybe you should think about getting away for a while.  As in- get away to another country.”

Not that again!

“Michael, we’ll talk about that later, ok?”

“I’m not saying move with me there.  I’m just saying come with me for a bit.  We’ll check it out. We’ll check this out. Whatever this is...” He made a gesture indicating him and her.

“Us?”

“Yeah, us. The grand adventure of us again.”

Dizziness swept her at the sound of that word.  Days ago there had been only a very lonely Lisa and a very remote Michael.  Now, there was the possibility of “us” again?  How did he do that?  How did he have that ability to move from hesitation and insecurity to a possible exploration of a future? And what did that mean? Was he offering her more than an occasional dalliance? And if he was, could she trust it? 

Will you cut out all that shit?  You wanted another chance! If he gives it to you, do you really have to question the whys and whats until you grind it all to dust?

“So, about that shower?” He motioned over to the steam rising form behind the glass doors.

Well, whatever doubts she harbored certainly did not include insecurity about their physical relationship.  If nothing else, he obviously had relinquished his fights against her on that front. 

The next thirty minutes or so were spent on some strange cloud in heaven.  They washed each other, taking care to use the scented shower gels to stimulate and caress every inch of their heated bodies.  By the time Michael finally took her, she was almost incoherent.  Hitting every single one of her erogenous zones, seemingly touching on every single nerve, he had made her climax twice before he took mercy on her and made her whole. Her back was against the tiled wall, his hands holding her securely in place as he initially glided in and out of her with languid motions, making her aware of every inch of his manhood before reclaiming her in hard, deep strokes.  His mouth kissed and bit her, his voice called her name and whispered the dirty words he knew would drive her further into madness.  She came again in no time at all, screaming his name, clinging to him, feeling her inside clench around him as he continued to fuck her, not letting up.  Weakly, she opened her eyes again as her heart rate slowed down to bearable measures and found him watching her.

“Lisa, you are so stunning when you cum.  It’s like this light shines through you and tints your body.  And shit- you are so tight, you’re about to kill me.” He kissed her as he put her down slowly, his still hard erection fighting against her grip.  Lisa moaned against the loss.  She need not have worried, Michael never left for long when he was not done.  He kissed her and turned her body, guiding her hands to brace against the slippery yet cool tile, making her shiver from the contrast of her heated skin.

“Spead your legs girl and get ready- I’m not done with you.  I’m never gonna get done with you...”  His hands massaged her butt cheeks and he spread them slightly as he entered her from behind, making her call out his name once again.  Her flesh was swollen and still sensitive from the outrageous orgasm, and he took care as he slowly entered her.  Almost too slowly for her taste.  She was ready and already longed be filled by him.

“Give it to me, Daddy.  Come on- you know how I need it.”

Michael reached around and pinched her nipples before he played with the nozzles in the wall, directing them directly toward her breasts.  He reached up and removed the handheld shower head, keeping the mounted one directed at her.  As he continued the teasing invasion, letting her feel every ridge and vein of his outrageously large penis, he switched the setting to pulsating and directed the stream of water down her belly toward where they were joined.  He obviously was aiming to make her lose her mind this morning.  Well, sanity was overrated anyway… 

“I know you play with this in here, Lise.  I know you imagine me giving it to you while you let the water hit you right there.”

All she could do was moan against him and push her pelvis backward, waiting for that final complete trust that would painfully and heavenly make her all his.

“Oh God…you drive me nuts…oh shit…”

Against all expectation, instead of forging forward he pulled back, forcing a sob from her.  The engorged tip of his penis rested against her opening which protested and tried to hold on to the treasure. Time stood still as Lisa held her next breath captive. Michael moved the showerhead slightly lower, aiming the pulsating stream toward her clit and when it hit, Lisa let out another scream.

“That’s my girl.  Let me make sure from now on your play will never be the same. I let you feel what it feels like to have me in you, while you get your little massage…”

“Oh God, please fuck me, Michael, I can’t stand it, please.”

“How do you want it, princess?  Soft and slow?”

The tip entered her but she only got to relish it for a short moment before he withdrew.  Every nerve ending in her body protested, and she shivered and whimpered against him, not certain if it was from the sensation of the hot water hitting her taxed clitoris in pulses or from the extreme need of her dripping vagina which needed to be filled by his flesh.

“Fuck no. Give it to me hard, fuck me hard, baby.  Come on- let me have it. I need it. Now!”

“Oh yeah…? She could hear the strain in his voice, the burden of holding back.  Of course Michael also was at the very edge of his self-control - but shit- he had the key to end the torture.  Lisa turned her head and stared at him through the veil of her desire and passion.  A look of pain and concentration adorned his face, causing her to almost cum right then and there.

“Like this?” Finally, he surged forward, filling her to the hilt with one powerful stroke. She screamed out his name and braced against the tile, losing all ability to discern the internal caresses, the stimulation to her clitoris, and the temperature of the water.  He fucked her like there was no tomorrow, and she did not know where she found the stamina to push against him in the deadly rhythm he set for them. 

When all her emotions and physical sensations finally converged into that pool of lava exploding with red hot intensity throughout her body, she was certain she would pass out.  Her lungs compressed and her heart simply stilled as she convulsed around him, her uterus and her vaginal walls seizing with stunning force.  Michael finally moved the showerhead away while picking up his pace – for several strokes, before she felt him tense and convulse into her as his hot seed filled her.  He screamed her name, kissing her neck, biting the tender flesh, while he kept moaning. Reaching around to cradled his head to her, she found his mouth.  Finally, they exchanged the words of love they had deprived themselves and each other of in their other previous couplings. 

When he finally stilled he pulled her against him and held her for a long time.  Once again, their heartbeats communicated their synchronicity as their breaths labored to keep their bodies alive and supplied with oxygen. Funny, how it seemed so secondary now that her heart and soul were sated.

Finally, Michael gently washed her down again, making her feel like wax in his skilled hands.  He wrapped her into a towel and laid down on the bed with her, singing some melody she had never heard before.

“And you said we have plans and I can’t just stay here and rest with you all day?”

He kissed her wet hair. “Nope, lazy! You should be nice and refreshed! Hey, we need to get ready, too. My driver is picking us up around 10.”

“So? Not like your drivers ever expect you to be on time.”

“Well, he was so worried about me coming here that he might come in to check.  And we don’t want to give the wrong impression.” He winked at her, making her laugh.

“Yeah, heaven forbid! I’m sure he never guessed why you came to see me.”

“Well, he knew I came to punish you and all.”

She giggled and snuggled into him. “Mission accomplished.  You gave me quite the pounding…”

“What do you mean?  I helped you wash away your sins.”

She turned and kissed him again. “Yes, you are a saint.  Thank you.”

As she was getting dressed, Michael still refused to let on where they would go.  Telling her to dress casually didn’t give her much to work with.  What in the world was he up to? At one point, he disappeared to make some phone calls and she used the time to check in on the kids.  Danny informed her that he planned to take them out parasailing which did not thrill her, but she gave in, glad the kids had a fun day planned.

“Hey, Lise- Can we pick up Riley and Ben?” Michael entered the room, wearing his slacks from last night and a t-shirt.

“Is your driver gonna bring you clothes?”

“Yeah- so- where are the kids?”

She informed him of their plans and he looked slightly disappointed.  What was all this about?

“Ok, oh well.  I guess we’ll do this one step at a time.”

“Do what one step at a time?”

His cell phone rang and she rolled her eyes.  He was acting all excited and goofy- she was not going to get an answer until he was good and ready.  Oh, how she remembered this playful mood- and how she was amazed to experience it again.

“Ok, can you go and get the bag from the driver?  He just pulled up.”

“Security didn’t call. How…?”

“They know my car, Lisa.” His tone conveyed how silly it was of her to ask the question.

“Oh, great- I’m glad you’ve taken over my house again.”

“Well, remember, oh lady of the castle, this used to be our house.”

She tossed her hair back and sauntered out of the room, but not before Michael managed to slap her ass.  What was up with him today?  His giggles provided the melody she ran toward the door to.

Taking the bag, she thanked the driver and offered the he could wait inside.

“No, Ma’am, thank you.  Glad to see you feel better today, though.  And Mr Jackson sounded good on the phone, too.”

She eyed the man. What?  Did he fear for Michael’s life last night?  What kind of crazy did his staff think she was?  Oh well, better not to explore that question.

Michael changed into black jeans and a dark shirt, managing once again to look stunning.  There was something different about him this morning.  Some levity had returned to his behavior and that cloud of doom she had noticed enshrouding him since she saw him in New York was gone for now. 

Riding in the car, she watched the highway signs and before long had figured out where they were headed! Had he lost his mind?  No, she was not ready for that.

“Michael, why are we heading over there?”

He was humming to himself, playing with the knobs of the music settings in the back of his SUV.

“Oh, you figured it out?  Why not?  You said you didn’t like I took Julia out with the kids, so…”

The funny feeling in her stomach spread and her fingers felt clammy.  This was crazy! She had been down these roads so many times over the years- and never had she felt this nervous and apprehensive.

“Michael, I’m not sure I’m ready.  You really should have asked me first.”

“Well, you are done making decisions for the two of us, Lisa.  You left the first time.  You couldn’t handle things the second time, you pushed me away “for my own good”- and then you decided it was time to get me back.  Well- I am getting used to that last one, so don’t take this the wrong way.” He reached over and kissed the back of her hand.

She could only shake her head.  If one thing was not going to happen it was another tug of war about whose decisions caused what.  All that counted was the present. And it was difficult enough to deal with that.

“But…what will they think?”  Her voice was small and insecure.

“They met you before.  Well, Blanket was small, but still…”

“This is different- we just had sex, Michael.  I mean- and you take me…there. Yesterday you couldn’t even tell me where we were headed. And now…” Words escaped her.  This was too unreal. 

“I thought we agreed we made love?” He looked over at her disapprovingly and gave her a quick kiss. “Anyway,  don’t announce the sex part that real loud and we’ll be ok.  Mother still has issues with that.  I think she thinks I am a virgin…” He whispered, leaning into Lisa.

“Very funny. But still…”

“What?  So what if yesterday I didn’t know where we were heading.  Today, we’re going over to Havenhurst for a fun day with the family.” He kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand as they pulled into the compound.

Havenhurst.  So many memories.  Happy, sad, frustrating...  Lisa swallowed hard.  Michael’s children.  Michael’s mother- and who else might be present. 

Katherine had always treated her with love and respect. Only recently had she implored her to let her know where Michael was.  It seemed like another lifetime right now.  Lisa knew it would be wonderful to see Katherine, even though she was slightly uncomfortable with her current situation.  But then again, how long had it been since she had relinquished the rightful claim to be on Michael’s side?  The family had not been fooled by their claims of platonic friendship.  Katherine had turned a blind eye, which was amazing given her strong moral convictions.  And now- where they even friends?  They had confessed their love, had made love…but what did that make them?

And then there was the matter of the children… Lisa had been around them quite regularly until Prince was about three and Paris two.  After that it had been sporadic meetings for lunch or an afternoon outing.  At one point the children were the reminder of her failure, but that had passed quickly as her heart was melted by their presence in her life.  All that mattered were that they were Michael’s little treasures; the nature of their conception and the fact of their biological mother ceased to matter. Blanket was a different story.  His presence symbolized the death marker on the grave of their relationship. 

Michael had finally done it: he had proposed marriage again.  After all those years she had given up: marriage to him was not going to happen and she was determined to go on with her life.  Then he threw her for a loop.  With the proposal came the request for a family. He wanted a third child and thought it was fair since they both had two and could now build the rest of their family together. At first she had happily agreed- she was damned if she was going to deny his fondest wish again.  Not, after witnessing what a wonderful father he was. 

What a fool she had been! How long until her doubts filled her with full force, pushing out her love for children as well as her trust in him and a new beginning?  They returned to their shouting and death matches.  Well, her shouting and his deathly silence.  Then the words she had heard before: You know I don’t need you to have another child.

With that she was gone.  And just like that he produced another baby several months later, sending her running. Fleeing into madness to preserve sanity.  Head-first into another disastrous marriage.  And back into Michael’s bed sporadically. 

After Blanket’s birth, nothing had been the same.  Sure- they continued to have fleeting, hot and sweaty, angry and passionate love making sessions. Lisa continued to run to Michael whenever she could simply not bear being away from him any longer.  Her system could only sustain so much denial before she snapped and swallowed her pride.  Then, in late 2003, the allegations hit and Michael was eaten up by the tornado of hate and persecution.  It became about saving his life-everything else was pushed to the outside. 

Lisa blinked as they drove up to the house.  Swallowing had become a chore. 

Michael held her hand and squeezed it. “Lisa, baby! You are shaking! It will be fine- why are you freaking out?”

Why did everything feel like a test?  When she really, really sucked at tests?

Michael got out of the car and helped her out, still holding on to her hand.  He was right, of course.  This was no big deal.  So, what, if all of a sudden he decided she should hang out with the most important people in his life, when several days ago, he had not even wanted her in his car?

The front door opened and Paris’ blond head appeared.  Oh God, she had grown so much.  What was she now, seven? 

“Daddy!” the squeal echoed across the courtyard as Paris came darting down the stairs, running toward her father.  Michael bent down to catch her, relinquishing the hold on Lisa’s hand.  The loss made her feel as if she had been cut lose in outer space. 

“Hey, baby-girl! How are you? Can you say hi to my friend?”

Paris looked up at Lisa, her eyes a startling clear greenish blue. 

“Oh, another friend?  Will Julia come over, too?”

Great.  This was going to be fun.  Lisa’s instincts screamed to tell Michael this was not working and implore him to let her drive home. Her headache was stunning now and she seemed unable to form a coherent thought. Maybe she could just run back to the car without a word and haul ass. 

Coward!

Yeah, so? Fight wasn’t a viable option here, so flight seemed appropriate.

“Lisa! Oh, my- what a wonderful surprise.”

Or the third evolutionary reaction: Freeze.

Ok, the exit was blocked.  The only way through this was to forge ahead. 

Katherine had followed her granddaughter, leading a gorgeous toddler by his hand.

“Ready, babe?” Michael whispered as he once again squeezed her hand.

Yes. 

No.

Did she have a choice?  She loved him and she knew she’d love his family.  So no.

Why then did she feel like she was being forced to undergo a baptism by fire?  

(to be continued)

 

©2011 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. 

The Difference is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License