The Difference- Chapter 15

15



This whole night was akin to some strange out of body experience. It was hard for Lisa to fathom that the past hours had actually happened.  She seemed to have stepped into some type of parallel universe where reality ceased to exist or matter.  From the moment she had jumped in front of his car, to being drugged by his kisses – everything was an odd blur.  Some crazy collage of emotions, sounds, colors, light, and darkness.  And now she was here, staring up at him, wondering if she had heard him correctly.  Hoping she had.  Fearing she had no.  And then the emotions turned and she was afraid that he actually would have taken this step.

Why Lisa, you little coward?  Isn’t that what you wanted?  Or are you afraid to hurt him yet again?  To let him down like you always do. And to be destroyed yourself?

“Come with you? To Bahrain? Why would you ask that?”  Her eyes narrowed.

There was a glimmer of hesitance in the darkness gazing down at her.  Something rose like a ghost from the dark grave, something real yet not tangible. Then he blinked and turned away. 

“Forget I asked it.”  He cleared his throat.

Lisa reached out and pulled him around by his arm.  Or attempted to, anyway.  When he would not budge, she walked around him to be able to face the eyes that could not lie.  Michael was right on about having to wear his shades.  He was perfect about keeping every muscle in his face in check, but his eyes could not disguise the raging torrents of his emotions.  Everything he felt, everything he wanted to say was usually right there.  He might use his wit and his training to keep things hidden, but if you were an expert on reading him like she was, he had no chance.  And he knew it.

Right now the expression showed intense horror.  He was afraid.  Did he say too much? Was he afraid she would say she'd go? Judging by the also present confusion, it was a bit of both.

“No, I will not forget you asked. Just like I'm not forgetting how you just kissed me.”

“It was just a kiss. Don’t read into things.  I’ve kissed you before.” 

Averting her investigative perusal, he looked right past her.  He was so full of it!  That kiss had contained more than lust, more than passion. It had the intoxicating sweetness of hope and love. 

“Oh, cut it out.  You demand honesty from me and yet you go on spouting the most ridiculous crap.”

He laughed. “Excuse me? You are an expert now?  On honesty?”

“On you, yeah.  I am.”

“Bull…” He pulled away and walked into the next room, which held the comfortable couch and the fireplace.  As well as papers, books, and magazines all over the place. He walked to the wall and started to mess with the setting, lighting the flames while Lisa followed him in, dropping herself into the corner of the leather couch, after removing some of the clutter. It was funny how being a Dad had never really cured him from being surrounded by stuff.  He used to joke that it took a genius like him to rule over the sea of papers he amassed.

Lisa pulled her feet under her and just watched him.  Part of her realized the question he had asked had probably been an accident.  Still, for it to come out, it must have been on his mind.  Had he thought about her joining him and the kids before?  Had he imagined what his life would be like with all of them together?  If so, that surely meant that he was not as serious about the paralegal chick as it had seemed.  And most of all, it meant that he continued to keep some hope about that family they had always talked about.  Even if that hope was a small dying ember in his soul.  All it would take was someone breathing life back into it and it could be the ravaging blaze it had been before. 

“Are you cold?”  She thought it was safer to lull him into security, making him think she would not remember his question.  For now, she granted him the illusion of escape.  Still- she knew the words had tumbled out for a reason.  But she also understood he was not at all happy with himself right now.

Michael was still crouched over by the fire, staring into the dancing orange and blue background.

“You know me.  I like it warm.”

“Is that why you’re wanting to move into the desert?”

“Bahrain is not all desert, you know.”

“If you say so.”

“There’s an ocean there, Lisa.”

How odd was it the patronizing tone almost made her giddy.  Oh, how she had hated it in the past- and how she was now thrilled to have it back. 

“There’s an ocean here, Michael.” Her tone was almost a perfect imitation of his.

“It’s too polluted.”

“Just the ocean?”

He turned his head and smiled a sad smile at her.

“Smart girl.”

She let the words linger, as she stared at his face which was illuminated by the dancing fire.  His features had become angular which made him appear even more chiseled.  When still and controlled he resembled some perfect marble statue.  Not that it not always had been that way, but it just seemed more pronounced lately.  There were lines there she had not noticed before, which gave him such a mature and wise appearance.  Peter Pan had been forced to grow up.  It almost broke her heart.  Which was quite a discovery after having been after him to finally join the world of adults for years.  What a crazy, unrealistic, cruel request it had been, as she now realized.  Michael was part of another reality.  He was magic and he needed to believe in innocence and purity as his life force.  He was not made to live in earthly squalor with the rest of humans and their inborn misery, envy, and jealousy.  They had looked at this miraculous person and had been driven to destroy him for he possessed what they relinquished long ago. 

“Do you think you can find what you lost so far away from home, Michael?”

He took in a deep breath which extended into a pensive sigh.  “If only I knew.  Maybe I never had what I think I lost in the first place.  Maybe it was all in my imagination.  All these ideals of love and goodness inherent in people.  Nothing but lies I told myself.”

“Don’t say that.  You don’t really believe that.” The thought that he had so discarded all his ideals and his vision forced tears from her eyes.

“I don’t?” He finally looked at her again.  She saw he was close to tears as well.  Every cell in her body cried out to go over to him and hold him, protect him from the darkness inside.  However, she did not think she could bear it if he rebuffed her efforts to make it all better.  In another life- time, she had been able to chase the shadows away and to battle the dragons with him.  Her magic power somehow had been stolen, and she was afraid he would find her efforts to comfort him sorely lacking now.  Maybe it was better to simply let him share his thoughts with her.  She wanted nothing more than to be there for him, to hear him, to make him see that he was not alone and that there was hope for him.  And thus, for them. 

“Ah, anyway...” He cleared his throat.  “I don’t really have a home anymore. So, maybe it’s for the best to take the kids away from here for a bit.”

“You do have a home- Home is more than property and a house.  I know you don’t think you can go back there, and I get that.  But what about your family? What about people who care for you? Aren’t they part of that concept of home you say you don’t have?”

“You know my family, Lisa.  Jermaine and Joseph are already hatching plans for some kind of big reunification concert.  It was like, well, the trial is over now, Mike.  Let’s see how we can cash in on the media attention.  My Mom has finally seen the light that I need a break.  The only other people who care for me are the kids.  And they will be fine – they look at going away like some sort of big adventure.  I’m afraid that if we stay here the black mark on me will swallow them up.  Who wants to hear that their father touched little boys? I don’t want to one day look into their eyes and see the words 'perverted monster' screaming at me.  Just because they were indoctrinated by the hate surrounding them.  I could not survive that, Lisa.”

It stung that he would not include her in the category of people caring for him.  But her personal vanity was so much less important right now than his pain.  He was right, some people would probably never believe he had been innocent, and it tore her heart out. He was also correct to assume that the lies and slander would at some point penetrate the walls of protection he had erected around his children. 

“There are other people, Michael.  People who know you and respect you.”

“Yeah, for a while I could count those on one hand.  Funny, how I couldn’t get a hold of anyone there for a while, yet all of a sudden everyone wants to be my friend again.”

His eyes told her that she was in that category.  Another small wound inflicted she could withstand.  It was nothing compared to the blood-letting he had to endure.

“What about your new friend?  I’m sure she would miss you.”

He could not suppress raising an eye-brow and giving her a little smirk.

“Julia?”

Lisa was unable to resist a roll of her eyes.  What other friend was there?  Or were there others?  Oh, heaven help her.  No, he seemed to be just teasing her. 

“Aren’t you guys…close?”

Her attempts to keep her voice even and unaffected were halfhearted at best.  And his expression showed her that he knew it.  Did he have to be such a master at reading her motives?

“We’re friends.”

“With benefits?”

“Why do you need to know that?”

Why indeed?  She already knew.  She had been unwilling witness to their gestures and touches.

“I think I already know.”

“Oh, you do, don’t you?  Maybe I just like her companionship.”

He finally got up and came over to the couch.  Before sitting down he seemed to change his mind and ventured over to pour two drinks.  Vodka.  Lisa found it interesting that he automatically had decided the time for wine had passed.  And wasn’t it just funny how he assumed he knew what she wanted?  And even funnier that he was correct?

“I bet you do like her companionship.”

Michael giggled.  “You should hear your tone.  You sound so pissy.”

“I’m not pissy.  I don’t blame y’a. She is kinda cute, I’m sure she is a good lay.”  The words intended to shock and she was pleased to see the desired result.

“You are so crass. And jealous.  It doesn’t suit you.”

“Which one, crass or jealous?”

Michael handed her the drink, once again, letting his fingers touch hers longer than needed.  He took a seat much too close to her for comfort. Lisa watched the ice cubes dance and clank against each other, happy to be distracted from imagines of Michael and his Juliette getting it on.

“Neither.”

“You have always known I was both.  So what?  But really, I am not jealous of her.  I actually feel sorry for her.  Must suck to have your boyfriend have sex with someone other than you while at a party with you.”

Michael took a sip and threw his head back, letting it rest against the cushion of the couch. “I told you I am not her boyfriend.”

“Was she mad?” She just ignored his previous comment as it was just an obvious distractor.

His head still back, he opened his eyes and Lisa scooted closer.  He was her magnet, her star, and she was damned if she even wanted to be outside the gravitational pull.  Her orbitory path might not be circular around him, but right now she was getting closer and closer, hoping to absorb his energy without it forcing her to crash and burn.

“Mad?”

Lisa read amusement in his chocolate depths.  He was such a man.  A gorgeous, dangerous man. A man enjoying games.

“About you having played around with me.”

“What makes you think she knew?”

Her turn to laugh.  “Oh, please! You are good at hiding shit, but you’re not that good.  Unless she doesn’t know you at all.”

“Did Lockwood know?” His eyes became intense and dark.

Shit, she hated having the tables turned.   She looked down and became very engaged in the motion of the ice cubes one more.

“He knew, didn’t he?” Michael did not let up, now sitting up straight again.  What was it about men?  It seemed to totally amuse him that her boyfriend, her fiancé for all Michael knew, was aware that she had cheated.

“Yeah, he took one look at me and knew.” Why even bother lying?

“I told you to fix your hair, remember?”  Humor danced in his eyes, and she felt like smacking him. 

“Yeah, that would have made all the difference.”  She could not help but laugh. This whole situation was unreal.  She emptied the drink in one sip. 

“Gosh, slow down!”

“Hey, I have nothing to drive back with.  So I won’t kill anyone on the road.”

“You better start worrying about a driver or something.  Unless you’re staying.”

The heat of the fireplace surely was no match for the heat of his eyes at this point.  She felt like ripping her clothes off- which was only heat related, of course.

“I’ll think about that later.  I’ll have another, thank you.” She held the glass out to him, hoping he would get his butt up and give her some much needed space. 

Michael rose, but did not take her glass.  Instead he went to retrieve the bottle and the bucket with ice cubes, putting them on the table in front of them.

Well, well.  This might turn into an interesting night after all.

“We might need that.”

“What for?”

“Seems like we are trying to find out some more truths here.  And I’m not sure I can do that without the right amount of anesthesia.”

“You’re not chickening out, are you?”  She winked at him.

“Hell no.  Never met a challenge I didn’t like- or win.  But that doesn’t mean I want to feel all the pain.  Plus, not like you gave me much of a choice.  Forcing me to take you with me, flipping out, all that…crazy chick that you are.”

Lisa bent forward and poured herself a double.  Oh she was crazy alright. 

Crazy in love with you, if you wanna deal with it or not.

“So, you never answered: Does Juliette know you stepped out?”

“Ah, her name is Julia.”

Lisa lifted her glass in salute. “Good for her.”

He laughed.

“She might have a hunch.  I’m not sure.  But we’re not seeing each other or anything.  I told you we’re friends.”

“You’re not sure?  How can you not be sure?  She didn’t say?”

Michael rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling.

“Why are we talking about this?”

“Cause you said you had no one here caring for you.  And I say, if she fucks you, she cares about you.”

“Whoa! Language!” His laughter was like a balm on her soul and her heart.  It was less guarded than before. Was it possible he was opening up?  Or was he just operating under a safety cloud of vodka?

“Oh hell, really?”  She pushed him back slightly and he fell into the cushions on purpose.  Still laughing, he reached out and captured her hand by her wrist.

“Yeah, really.  And what does that mean, Lise?  Women fuck only men they care about?” His use of the “f” word caused an intense reaction in her womb and in associated lower regions of her anatomy.   Michael was so quick on enforcing the clean talk rule, unless he chose to dirty up his vocabulary for pure effect. 

And that was not his only weapon. The touch of his fingers on her skin was almost unbearable.  He did not hold her in any sort of hard grip, but he might as well have reached into her chest and grasped her heart.

“Depends on the man.  And the woman, I guess.  But let me tell you- I have a hard time imagining…” She wanted to bite her tongue as she was not sure she could trust him with her words.  Not wise at all to give him too much information.  Michael tended to store every word he had ever heard or read.  His memory was amazing.  And he did not need to know that Lisa was convinced that any woman Michael allowed himself to be in bed with would care for him greatly. 

“Imagining what?”

His fingers now gently ran up and down the inside of her wrist.  The tingling sensation spread like shockwaves through her body. He was not playing fair. 

“Nothing.”  Her voice sounded strained. 

“Depends on the woman and the man, Lisa?  What about you?  What about us? What do you feel when you fuck me?”

I feel like jumping from a bubbling hot tub into a vat of ice.  Like going up in flames and being reborn.  Eternal bliss only disrupted by the agony of fearing to have it ripped away…Like having you touch each and every neuron in my body.  Like looking into your eyes and finding all the answers I will ever need. 

“I told you I love you, Michael.  I was not lying about that.  And when we make love…”

“I thought you said to me we had not made love in years.  Isn’t that what you told me a while ago? That I didn't know the meaning of making love? That I only screw you?”

Dammit! She sure had.  All part of the lie. Did he really have to remember all the bad stuff?

“We were not talking about us.  We were talking about you and Julia. And if she found what happened and if she cared.  That’s all.”  Lisa pulled her hand back and Michael let her go, watching her intently.

“Well, it all ties together.  It kinda is about us. You left a mark, you know.” His eyes took on an accusatory tint.

Lisa’s eyes widened.  She left a mark? This was great! Score! She was thrilled to death to know her passion left a semi-permanent reminder.

“I did?  No way!”

I hope the little Miss was pissed as hell!

He pulled his shirt to the side and she still saw a faint red mark on his porcelain skin.  Dam if she didn’t.  But, if Julia saw the mark, they must have been intimate after…after the party.  Her high flying mood crashed back down to earth.

“When did she see that?  When you got it on with her?”

Michael blushed.  Fuck! She had been right.  Why, oh why did she have to ask? 

“I see.”  Lisa backed away from him slightly.

“Lise, it wasn’t like that.  Her and I …never mind.” He stared at the fire again.  Funny how he almost seemed to have been ready to explain or justify things to her, before realizing that was not necessary. 

No, you’re right, Mike.  You do owe me an explanation.  And I owe you so much more than that. 

“You did her afterwards?  What, after you left me?  Right then? Classy.”

“No!”

He was as close to shouting as he had gotten in a while.  Nice to see him rattled, too.  “It was not right afterwards.  Why?  And why do you care?  I’m sure you and RiffRaff…” Michael did not finish the sentence and poured himself another glass. 

Lisa had to chuckle again.  She would never ever be able to look at poor Lockwood the same way again. 

“For your information, I have not slept with him since.”

Michael looked up in surprise. 

“Oh, really?  Wow.”

“Wow?  That’s all you can say?  But you did, hum?  You always make me out to be the big slut and then you fuck little Miss Prissy.”

“I never made you out to be a slut.  Stop being unfair.”

“You’re right.  What you do with her is none of my business.”

Michael looked at her and she felt his eyes on him, even as her head stayed lowered. 

“Lisa, Lisa…. I don’t get you.  I just don’t get any of this.” He sighed and then did something odd: he reached out and played with a strand of her hair, as he had done so many times before.  He did not even seem to realize he was doing it.

“You told me to move on.  You told me you didn’t care anymore.  Now you’re telling me, no, that was all a lie.  I can’t wrap my head around all of this so fast.  It’s just too much.”

“I did want you to move on.  But it also kills me when you did it…I don’t know.  I’m fucked up.”

“Talk about something killing you: Lisa, for heaven’s sake, how many times did I have to see you move on with some loser?  You came back every time- and every time I hoped it was for good.  Only, every flipping time you ran out again.  Maybe this was not meant to be.  I mean, we tried, didn’t we?” The sad look on his face was unbearable.  It carried a hint of surrender.  No, Michael does not surrender.  Not the Michael she knew anyway.

“I don’t know, Mike.  It feels that one of us was always trying harder than the other.  I fucked up, but then, you did, too.” Before he could say anything she raised her hand in a defensive gesture. “And don’t even get all huffy and defensive with me.”

Michael stopped playing with her hair and instead let his hand run from the top of her head to her nape, resting it there, pulling her closer, his eyes continuing to pull her into the place where rational thought no longer existed.

“Lisa.  We had our chances.  Sitting here with you, talking, it kills me.  It reminds me of how we were when things were good.  You are right here and I want you, I ain’t even gonna lie about it.  When you’re here like that, when it’s us in the room, there is no one else.  I don’t give a damn about anyone else.  But then we go out into the word and we can’t make it.  It has nothing to do with the army of losers you put between us or the woman I finally allowed myself to be close to in that way – it is just something we do.  Or don’t do.  God, I wish you hadn’t jumped in that car, girl! I don’t wanna do this.”  He reached over with his free hand and took another sip, never taking his eyes off her.

The chocolate warmth was disconcerting and threatening to her sanity.  Her soul was pulled into their realm and swallowed whole by their blatant honesty.  For weeks she had wanted him to drop the protection and he was starting to, only, she had not been prepared for inherent torture of his truth.

“No, don’t. We need to get it out.  So we can move forward. One way or another.”

Michael laughed in his sarcastic way. “Move forward?  I am trying to.  I told you.  And then you throw out that damn boomerang and bring me right back.”

“Maybe right back with me is where you need to be?  Maybe I need you to be there.  And I need to be there for you.”

This time, she moved forward and captured his lips.  No force in the universe could deny her a taste.  He was right there.  His light, his scent, his force calling out to her.  And she was damned if she was not going to go for what she wanted.

“Lisa…” He breathed her name into her mouth before he closed his eyes and accepted her love, her lips, her tongue. He tasted like heaven and had the power to destroy her with his divine force.  If running away was her only savior, she would forever abandon safety and sanity and rush toward him with open arms.  Being incinerated by the sun in one glorious blast didn’t sound so bad suddenly. 

His tongue was fire and ice, velvet and steel, comfort and pain.  He let it dance with hers and she felt the beats of her heart reverberate all over her body.  Lisa felt like holding her breath as she lit up from the inside from all the emotions and sensations being unleashed.  She felt once again like having been a wilted flower that was rejuvenated and revived by his glow.  Not only did he set her body on fire, sending heat and moisture to all the right places, he also filled her soul.  Maybe all this idiotic talking had to stop.  Maybe letting him feel instead of think would convince him that they had this one more chance.  She would not fail him this time. 

Her hands moved under the light jacket he continued to wear, feeling his muscles dance and quiver under her touch.  He groaned and pulled away for a second before she followed his retreat, continuing kissing him, as he fully reciprocated.  Michael’s hand was in her hair, his other one running gently from her shoulder down her arm, as the contrast between painful pull and gently touch dizzied and disoriented her.

Lisa felt lightheaded and realized she had to breathe, but her fear to break away was much stronger than her need for oxygen.  If she passed out, at least she he would know she meant business. 

“Lise- baby..wait..” He finally made the decision for her, and they both took in big gulps of air. 

“I’m tired of waiting, Michael.  I waited and waited- and I am afraid that if I wait some more I will lose you.  I have to make you see…” She kissed his neck, let her mouth caress the hot skin, letting her tongue trace a sensual path following the pulsing of his blood down to the sexy hollow of his neck.  He tasted like heaven and her determination strengthened.  Michael’s eyes closed and he murmured her name over and over.  She was beyond caring if he meant to stop her as she had resolved to not let him succeed. Once again she grabbed his jacket and pulled it down- this time, he was very helpful in getting it off.  Her hands again found his shirt, only this time she pulled it from his jeans, and Michael finally opened his eyes, staring at her as if he had never seen her before.

“God, Lise.  You drive me nuts.  We need to talk, we can’t just…Not again…dammit.”

“We’ll talk later, Mike.  Talking gets us in trouble.  You asked me what I would do- let me show you what all I will do to convince you.  Let me show you how I feel…” Her hand was on his knee and she let it travel up his strong muscular thigh to where she knew her salvation lay.  She noticed he had started to shift and the bulge in his pants could not be denied.  Michael and his jeans would be her death one day.  In a frustrating move, his hand closed over hers, stilling her advance.

“This is not our problem, you know that.  And this also won’t solve anything.”

She stopped and sat back a bit, staring at him through glazed eyes.  His face looked flushed, his eyes were bright, his hair messed up, thanks to her.  He was the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on.  And the most exasperating to boot. Right now she didn’t care about anything: not about his little friend, and not about the man she had waiting at home.  All she cared about was using her body like a magic remedy to end both their agony. 

“No, but you running away will?”

He ran his hand through his hair. 

“Lisa, get real.  You had a nightmare. You don’t have to save me anymore.   I can do it myself now.  I grew up and I don’t need you.”

“Well, maybe, you selfish bastard, I need you.  Have you ever thought of that?”

The dark eyes narrowed and once again he looked hesitant.

“You need me?  All of a sudden you need me?  What about this dinner you had planned with the other Michael.  Looked like it was a special occasion.  What was that about?  And don’t tell me it was his birthday ‘cause there were no presents.”

Lisa did not want to explain her plans with Lockwood.  She knew full well how it might look to Michael.  Why did he have to walk in tonight of all nights?  But then again, if he had not, she would be engaged now and with a different man.  She would be nice and numb and not feeling like she had just ran a marathon on a track of coal.

“Will you hear me out if I tell you?”

“Shit.  How bad is it?  You come here and sex me up and what?  What were you planning at home?  Just what did I interrupt? A quickie wedding?” 

“I did not come here- you left me no choice.  You are stubborn like a fucking mule.  I have been trying to explain to you.  Tell you I made a mistake.”

“Ripping someone’s life apart when they need you is a bit more than a mistake, Lisa.”

“Yeah, and we can go another ten rounds.  I was wrong, ok.  I paid for it, believe me.  And if you have to know, I was gonna prolong my punishment and propose to Lockwood tonight.”

Michael froze and just stared at her. “So, you lied when you said you were engaged?”

“Yes, I wanted to get to you.”

He shook his head and poured another drink.

“Great.”

“And then I thought you were done with me.  I couldn’t handle it- I could not be without you.”

“So, the obvious solution is to get engaged?  ‘Cause heaven forbid you are alone for like five minutes.”

She knew he was right.  She was petrified of being alone.  She had been alone since her father left.  Being with anyone, even with her crazy mother had been better than being alone.  Solitude meant nightmares.  It meant hearing her father’s voice.  And it meant mornings that brought the excruciating realization that he was gone all over.  Anything was better than the memories of the life that had been ripped from her: abusive lovers, drugs, alcohol,… And as she continued to fuck up, more dreams and more nightmares were added to her collection of horrors- making being alone even more dangerous. 

She had tried, God knows she had.  But she had faltered every single time.  There were only two people on Earth who could save her and fill her never-ending emptiness: one was gone from her life for good, and the other was at times as remote and cold as a distant shining star in another galaxy. 

“Have you never been afraid of the dark? Afraid of what was waiting for you? Would you not give anything to make the demons go away? What would go give to run from the memories of good times gone sour and from bad times revisited over and over?”

His eyes widened. “Are you kidding me?  You know better.  But then again, I learned that it was not being alone that was frightening.  It was being with people who suck you dry.  People who want to steal your soul.  So, I guess I decided it was much better to be alone.  Maybe you should try it.”

“You know what?” Her temper was rising.  He was not listening.  He was being the judgmental asshole she remembered and this was going nowhere.  As long as he felt justified and superior she didn’t stand a chance.  “You drive me nuts! You want me to be honest and when I am, you judge me.  I’m fucking sorry I am not as perfect as you.  I’m so sorry! I am human and I am weak.”

"Well, good. You should be sorry.  'Cause you keep making the same mistake over and over and you expect the outcome to be different. That's the definition of insanity, you know that right?"

“And you know what?" She picked up her glass, shot down the burning liquor, and slammed it back onto the table.

"For once you are absolutely fucking right.  You win.  I'm gonna change right now, Mike.  I'm officially done bashing my head against this wall.  You're correct: your wellbeing is not up to me any longer.  If you die, I know it won’t be because of anything I did or didn't do.  I told you the truth. I asked you to forgive me.  But it's clearly not in you, and our time clearly has officially expired.  Go fuck your pretty little mannequin girlfriend and see if I care.  Go run away from the best thing you ever had and choose being a frigging nomadic hermit in some godforsaken dessert. And don't you dare judge me or look down on my choices ever again.   We both try to run from our demons, we just chose different vehicles.  But you are not one ounce better than I am.  I'm outta here."

Feeling dizzy and numb at the same time, she jumped up and blinked away tears of anger, looking around for her phone.  Flipping it open, she called searched for a car service she had used before, attempting to make a call when her battery went dead. 

Just great. What next.  Michael sat frozen where she had left him, staring at his hands, his hair hanging into his face, keeping himself hidden.

Fucking coward!

"Gimme your phone. My battery is dead."

He raised his head and she was amazed to see the anger flashing at her.  Well, good.  He was not able to keep it all in this time.  His tone was pure frozen nitrogen: frigid, silent, deadly.

"How typical.  You're walking out.  Run and hide, little girl!”

In a purely reflexive reaction, she hurled her phone at him and missed him by an inch due to his reflexive dodging move.

"You fucking bastard! I'm done with you. Don't you ever come near me again! I mean it, Michael!"

How had he provoked her screams yet again? Her throat felt sore and she was not sure whether that was due to the uncried tears she had swallowed or the yelling. 

Michael glared at her. 

"I'm glad you show your real face.  ‘Cause I almost believed your oh so sincere question about what you could do to get me to forgive you. But then again, my fault for even listening to a liar. You said your indifference was a lie. Then you told me your engagement was a lie. At least now you show me your desire to make it up to me was just another fucking lie. As was your supposed love.  That lasted for what? An hour? New record for you, hm?"

The trembling wrecking her body could not be contained.  Her hands were fisted and she tried her best to not crumble from under his verbal attack.  Then she saw it.  There was a tear sliding down his cheek.  He stared at her, his eyes wounding her worse than his words ever could.  The anger she could have handled.  The mixed emotion of sadness she detected took the wind out of her sails. There was no effort on his part to wipe the tear away.  Maybe he had not even noticed it.

This was wrong.  He was wrong.  She had not lied this time.  She had been dead serious about wanting to prove to him that she was not giving up.  Was he pushing her away to test her? And was she providing evidence yet again that nothing in life could be trusted? After everything she had done, was she ready to leave, letting him be convinced that she had lied? Or would that let him off the hook too easily?

"I didn't lie about that." Her voice was hoarse and barely more than a whisper.

“Leave, Lisa. There's a phone in the hall."

"I didn't lie, Michael."

"Ah..sure you did."

She shook her head.  His eyes bore into her with an intensity that left her stunned. It seemed as if the air around them had been charged.  Some forcefield held them captive.

"Just admit it: you never planned on doing anything I'd ask of you. This was all about you getting rid of some sleep induced guilty conscious so you can move on with your boring ass almost fiancé."

"Guess you'll never know.  It's so much easier to push me away than for you to have to take a risk and believe in something again."

He raised that eyebrow again, letting his eyes run over her, biting that bottom lip she had sucked on just minutes before.  For some odd reason her breathing rate increased despite her outward calm stance.  This was not the first time being angry at Michael lead seamlessly to being extremely aroused. 

"So, you'd do anything I'd ask? No question or objection?" Now his voice had dropped to that low tone that made her feel like being wrapped in dark velvet.

"You won’t know till you have the balls to try it.”

A small smirk lifted the corner of his mouth and a sparkling glint raced through the night sky of his eyes like a falling star.  Something to wish on...something to die for.

"What if I asked you to take your clothes off?"

It seemed all breathable air had been sucked out of the condo.  Surely, the fireplace had  consumed it all.  And the flames also were responsible for her dry throat.  And the hot lava in her veins.  It had to be the fireplace, as his words and his eyes could not possibly hold all this power over her.

“You’ve lost your mind. Guess you can’t handle your drink.”

“Now who has no balls? Would you?” His face and voice were even and controlled- his eyes were blazing.

“You won’t know till you ask.”  She must have gone mad.  But the madness was spreading through her like mercury.

“Ok. Lisa-Marie, take your clothes off.”

His head tiled slightly. Their eyes dueled: mysterious obsidian clashing with vibrant sapphire.  The only sounds audible were the crackling of the fire and their ragged breathing.  Michael’s eyebrow raised in waiting challenge.  

This is it, Lisa.  He expects you to back off.  He is about 99.9 percent certain you will storm out that door.  He is all set to laugh at you for being a coward yet again.

Anger, arousal, heat, alcohol, frustration…they all combined to that one ball jumping around the roulette wheel as the players held their breaths. 

Michael slowly bent forward, picking up his glass once more, his eyes fixated on her.  He drank and started to smirk his “I knew it” kind of smile. 

Yeah, you smile, cocky bastard.  We will see who wins this game.

Her hands were on her hips and she slowly grasped the lower edge of her t-shirt, holding on the fabric for dear life.  Michael stilled in mid motion, the smirk being wiped from his face.  He blinked for the first time.

In one fast movement, Lisa pulled the shirt over her head, shaking her hair out, throwing the shirt behind her, leaving her in a black and silver bra.

When her eyes focused again, she had to almost laugh at his expression: Incredulous, hot, stunned… His mouth opened for a second and then shut again. For once he was speechless.

“Happy?” The voice sounded too deep to be hers.

His eyes dipped from her breast to the waistband of her jeans, scorching her skin, causing her to shiver.

“All of it, Lisa.” The voice hit her straight in her center, causing the electric jolt to flood her panties.  She was drunk to the point of delirium- and alcohol had nothing to do with her state of intoxication.

Her shaking hands approached the snap on her jeans and she wondered what kind of Pandora’s box she was about to rip wide open.  Looking over at him through the curtain of her hair that had fallen into her face, she no longer cared if the demons from hell were about to be unleashed.  She jumped into the flames of hell willingly, aching to be reborn to heaven by the one man who could be her deliverance and her destruction. 

(to be continued)

Image from:

http://hydrogenballoonclown.blogspot.com/

©2011 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. 

The Difference is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.