MIRACLES
A Christmas Story
Author's note:
Don't worry- I have not forgotten about Afterlife. But since it is almost Christmas, I thought you all might be in the mood for a little Christmas story. I have it almost written, and will post an update every day- probably about 3 installments tops.
Thank you for all your support and
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Thank you to a dear friend from Facebook for the great MJ/LMP photo montages used!!!
Los Angeles, December 1999
“Hey, lady, watch it!”
Was that woman for real? She runs into me and I’m supposed to watch it? What the fuck?
“Yeah, I’ll make sure to not be in your way when you blindly run people down next time.”
Did the bitch just give me the finger? My first instinct was to break a candy cane off one of the decorations, run after her, and shove it up her un-christmassy ass. So much for the spirit of the Holidays. On second thought, my luck, one of the Santas or elves freelanced for the tabloids, and the usually deranged image of myself, no doubt with a photoshopped Elf hat or set of antlers, would compel my mother to call me way too early tomorrow:
“Lisa Marie- please tell me you did not assault some poor lady with a a set of reindeer antlers at the Grove yesterday.”
No doubt, the news story would allow for the usual ‘journalistic’ creativity. Candy cane - antlers…who keeps track of such minor details when the daughter of the King of Rock ’n Roll was acting the fool once again. Crazy on display. Gather round and bring some eggnog. And so short on the heel of the morning surprise as someone had already leaked my engagement.
“Princess of Graceland to go for the third time charm with another unknown face after her short marriage to the King of Pop not very surprisingly imploded.”
Well, it had surprised the shit out of me. But whatever.
Now, after I just made Mom’s Christmas, it would be such a pity if once again I’d have to assure my poor, perpetually disappointed mother that her daughter indeed was a lunatic on the loose. And right when she was so damn happy about the wonderful news. John had insisted we call her right away after he popped the question. And I popped my own mind by actually accepting. Stunning me more than him. Hey, I really didn’t know what else to say. He looked so cute. And hopeful. I was devoid of hope. Or cuteness. These days, I was a permanent vessel for sarcasm and bitterness.
But yes, Mommy was delirious. Much happier than last time around.
Well, to be truthful last time around she wasn’t exactly given an opportunity to shop for engagement presents. Or wedding presents. Even though Michael had suggested we could register after the fact if it would make her feel better. Yes, I’m sure being able to send us a toaster or crystal vase would have made up perfectly for the helicopters flying over her house announcing the beginning of her worst nightmare. The beginning of my Armageddon.
Predictably, pain raced through me as soon as his name registered. Would it ever end? Phantom pain. The actual organ was long gone. Some muscle pumping blood through my body was all that was left of my heart. Much safer that way. Wasn’t rebirth just grand?
“Ma’am? Do you need help?”
The sweet voice jarred me back to reality. A small boy handed me one of the bags I had dropped. Shit. I hadn’t even noticed. Thoughts of the past did that to me. Turned me into a goddamn zombie. Eating myself alive. Zombie with a self-destructive twist. Which was why I usually moved heaven and earth to avoid looking back.
I cleared my throat and managed a smile. Sure hope I wouldn’t scare the poor kid too much.
“Thank you so much. That was very kind of you.”
“Michael! Are you bothering the lady? - I’m sorry, he is just too sweet- always trying to be helpful. Sadly that bothers some folks.”
Of course, his name would be Michael. Sweet and helpful. Except that little shit only played at being Mr Wonderful… While really being Jack the Ripper. At least of my heart. And at times by brain. Always my soul. But hey- time to celebrate. This Christmas would see me alive. Or at least in that strange preserved state I found comfort in.
Focus, Lisa. Not this little angel’s fault you have horrible taste in men. Or that you’ve been stuck on stupid. Trusting the same lies over and over.
Still, the irony of it all… But hey, that was my life. Hilariously ironic. With a sprinkle of pathetic.
“No, not at all. He’s just helping. Thank you, young man! Your Mom is very fortunate to have a little gentleman like you. I have one just like you at home- and he is also always trying to help out.” I bend down to pick up the rest of the stuff that had fallen out of my bag, including the remote helicopter I had bought for Ben.
The little boy blushed, his dark eyes shining proudly. His Mom smiled at me, her features relaxed now. Guess seeing the toys around me confirmed I wasn’t some kidnapper snatching up her son while pretending to need help. But she was right to be careful. What a horrible world we’re living in, where we have to condition ourselves to to be on guard at all times. Because everyone is out to hurt, steal, and betray. Even those disguised as sweet saviors.
The lady, bent down and handed me the little makeup set I had bought for Riley.
“For your little girl? I have a boy and a girl as well. They are my world. Sorry if I sounded cranky. Too crowded here for my taste. I saw that woman run into you and then flip you off… I swear, some people!”
“Christmas can be hazardous to your brain, I guess. I should have known better than to come down here on Christmas Eve. But my son presented me with a revised list for Santa…so I thought I might run into him here.” I joked back, winking at little Michael.
“Well, I didn’t see Santa yet. But earlier people said Michael Jackson was here. For real! But Mom wouldn’t let me go say hi.” The look he shot his Mom spoke to the absolute injustice of the situation. Too bad I couldn’t fully appreciate the pure dramatic expression.
It happened again. With the mention of his name I slipped into a violent flashback. Mouth dry. Dizzy. My heart stopped. And started racing at the same time. I was so tempted to look up. Glancing around me like an escaped prisoner of war. Instead I froze.
God, get yourself together, Lisa. These people will call the cops and alert them to the escaped mental patient you resemble.
“Yeah, cause if it was true then the poor man probably wants to shop without being assaulted. And anyway- that was hours ago. Here..” She handed me the last escaped toy. “I think that’s all. Stay safe and Merry Christmas.”
Hours ago? So, the coast was clear? He would be gone by now, surely.
And why the fuck do you feel that huge, scorching sense of disappointment where relief should be? The programming not fool proof yet? When they had told me over and over how relieved I needed to be to finally have come to my senses. Guess their methods weren’t all that after all.
I wished my little helpers a wonderful Christmas and debated for a moment if I should call it a day and head home. Of course, since Danny and insisted on having the kids tonight, all that waited for me was a mountain of presents that still needed to be wrapped. Oh, and possibly my fiancé.
Right on cue, my phone rang. I found a bench and sat down. Clumsy ass that I am I’d drop all my shit again in no time flat.
“Hey, gorgeous. Are you ‘bout done?”
“Just about. I was almost run over by some deranged shopper. I still wanna get that game Riley is bugging me about, then I’m headed home.”
“Sure it wasn’t a reindeer dashing into you?”
I made a face. Yeah, not corny at all. Downright witty. Dashing, reindeer, Dasher… no more letting John read the kids’ Christmas books. For his own entertainment. Cause he wasn’t all that great with the kids yet, and they were less than willing to let him impose his awkward interactions on them. They were still holding out for the stepdad they really wanted. Well, great. Easy for them. And hell for me. Cause I had to keep their little fantasy that he hung the moon alive. They loved him so much. Motherfucker! I ripped my family apart for him twice. But maybe I could fix it all up.
With John? Yes, with John. Corny jokes about reindeer dashing and all.
Lisa- aren’t you supposed to be in love and all? Doesn’t that mean everything your beloved whispers is supposed to leave your ears tingling and your dopamine high brain tickled pink? That every though of him is to evoke sunshine and rosy visions of the brightest future?
Yeah, not likely. This was a new brand of Lisa-in-love. It was the sane version. Without tingling, and when I was high it was usually due to too much vodka. My future looked…. Beige. Yeah. That seemed like a safe enough color.
“If it was, then that damn reindeer gave me the finger. How does that happen? Hoofs and all.”
“Ouch, drive by sledding… Anyway- make sure to be a good girl and Santa might bring you something tonight.”
Hope it came in the form of an Ambien. Or a bottle with clear liquid.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Here I was, on Christmas Eve, sitting in the fake winter wonderland of the Grove, fun, festive lights all around, my gorgeous man on the phone, invoking images of a sexy night as his voice dipped, and all I wanted to do was… Cry. Or sleep. To avoid crying.
Because Christmas meant joy. And love. And I had been purged of those superfluous emotions in one too many cleansing rituals. Right after my birthday. After the party. After we went yet another round of ‘how long will this shit go on before you end that farce for real.” After I finally pulled the plug. Unhooked from the Matrix. Being told how cold and heartless I was. How I hurt him. Little motherfucker!
Something caught my attention. A movement. Nothing I could name. Before I was able to focus on the odd sensation it was gone. I blinked.
“Lisa? We are still on for tonight, right?”
That’s right, Lisa. You’re talking to John. In the present. How ‘bout you hop on your spaceship and join life on Earth?
“You know…ah….I still got a lot of wrapping to do. And I gotta get up early to get the kids tomorrow.”
“I thought you said Danny will drop them off?”
Dammit! Aren’t you glad you have someone actually paying attention to what you say? You’re one lucky girl.
“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
There. The movement again. A familiar stride. Funny how you can recognize someone by just the way he walks. Or you think you can recognize him. Because the kid had just said his name. And because he’s always in the back of my mind. Like the shadow of someone incinerated by an incredibly hot explosion. Caused by the nuclear meltdown of my heart.
No, it couldn’t be him. I was imagining things. Like so many times before. When I hear his voice. Feel his touch. Feel his warmth next to me. Only to wake up cold and alone. Or with someone not Michael at all.
“So…does that mean you don’t want me to come over?” The someone not Michael sounded very disappointed. Instant guilt. My favorite treat. Shit! Why do I always do that? Why do I always hurt the people who don’t deserve it? While I let the fucker who ate my soul bite by bite get away with murder. Or with knocking up his homely wife. Twice. Once while technically still married to me. Even though he pretended that was all in my head. But Nursey made sure she hinted at it enough to make me think it was oh, too true. Then twice while still fucking me. I was such a well trained doormat. One that turned from being cheated on to cheating with. And both sides felt worn out and treaded on.
Welcome to my pussy. No need to hang around, cause I’ll be here next time you plan on visiting.
Deep breath. I blinked. The pair of long legs had disappeared behind a groups of teens hanging out. Good. I was sure I was having hallucinations anyway.
“Lisa? Are you alright?”
John. Lisa! Focus! You're talking to John. What chance did a marriage have if I already tuned him out on day two of our engagement? Fuck! Was I actually going to marry him? As in ‘till death do you part?’ If I tried real hard and hit the bottle like I had been, maybe that wouldn’t be too long. There- I did have hope. Who’d have thought?
“Yeah, totally.” I managed a fake laughter. “Dude! I’m telling you. Too many people out. I don’t like it. Imma gon’ go and get that game and get on home. Sure- come over.”
Ouch. Maybe I should have dug a bit deeper for some enthusiasm…
“Okay…since you insist… Hey- I’ll go and bring over some of your favorite things, okay?”
Yeah, okay, wonderful. I felt like shit again. He no doubt caught on to my distracted distance and still managed to sound like a little puppy that, despite having been kicked, came back wagging and begging to be loved anyway.
There!
Fuck!
Motherfucker!
I jumped up, almost dropping my phone. I was not fucking imagining things! I’d know those legs clad in pjs anywhere. And those shoulder slightly stooped over shrouded in a stupid hoody. Pulled over his head too far. Sunshades despite it getting dark. Looking around nervously before dipping into a store. Fake beard. Or was that… Oh no, not stubble. Unfair warfare! Yes, like he did not shave just for me. On the odd chance I’d run into him and drop my panties at the sight. He was a calculating son of a bitch, but this time I probably could not infer intent.
Dammit! Lisa! Sit your ass down! He’ll see you. And the last thing I wanted was to be seen. By him… Cause… He might come over. What the fuck would I say? Merry Christmas? Nice disguise? Great pjs? Did you forget your underwear? Did you forgo shaving just to get me hot and bothered? Oh, the details I could spot in just one little glance.
Or he might ignore me. That horrible feeling hollowed me out. Almost dropped me to my knees. Because that was the truth of the matter. Yes, that’s it. He wouldn’t want any possible confrontation. He’d run. That’s his MO. I hurt him. And he hid out from me. Made himself unavailable. Till I retaliated. And did the same. In his world it was unforgivable to fight with his weapons.
“Hey, you oughta try to get that massage wand thingy we looked at on the plane ride. You know - the one from Sharper Image. Isn’t there one at the Grove?”
Sure was. And it had a most interesting customer inside of it. Almost without thought, I gathered up my stuff while balancing my phone between shoulder and chin.
Don’t do it, Lisa. Run! Turn the other way. You can get Riley's’ game at another mall. The stores are open late. Get the fuck out of here! The twinkling red lights are alarms flares, you stupid bitch!
“Yeah.. I think so. Hey, my battery is about empty. See you later, kay.”
“Alright. Hey- your Mom invited me to dinner, by the way.”
Of course she did. She probably also invited a justice of the peace to speed that wedding thing up. Since all I needed to stay sane was another marriage.
My feet managed to walk.
Good girl!
“Great. See you later.”
Two more steps.
“Love you, Lisa Marie.”
“Yeah…you, too.”
Four more.
A convenient cart with ornaments to hide behind.
Because, smart as always, I had walked toward the very store I had planned to get away from. Well, not the store. I loved Sharper Image. So did Michael. Which had made me avoid it in the last eternity of months. And now the store itself was not the bright light drawing this particular moth.
I peeked around the corner.
“Can I help you with any ornaments, Miss? Maybe this blue one to match your eyes?”
Fuck! What did the dude think? I was actually interested in buying something? How silly. Didn’t he know he was my decoy right now?
“No, thanks, I’m just looking.”
Totally not at the ornaments, but into the stupid Sharper Image store. I spotted the red hoody, causing me to duck.
“We can personalize any of those…”
“Hm…cool..”
What was he messing with? Looked like he picked up some gadget. What was that? Looked like the very back massage thingy John had just mentioned. What did he need a fucking back massager for? A less suspicious mind than mine would assume to massage his aching muscles…but I knew Michael like to misappropriate such gadgets.
Maybe…
Some odd sensation swirled through my insides. No, I really didn’t care what perverted use he would have for the fucking buzz toy. And maybe he’d do the totally unexpected and use it as intended. Like I cared!
“If you have a loved one, here we have some wonderful ornaments for you to commemorate your Christmas together. Maybe a boyfriend? Fiancé? Husband?”
How about ex-husband. Maybe a pile of shit ornament. He’d appreciate that.
Michael turned toward the window, and quickly I changed position, making it impossible for him to see me. But also making it harder for me to keep up my spying mission.
Feeling bad for the nice guy babbling about his ornaments, I actually spotted one I thought would be perfect for mother- and two cute ones for Riley and Ben. When I handed over the cash and moved back to where I could see the store, there was no lanky dude in pjs and a hoody to be spotted. Good! I could now move on. Right?
Wrong.
Because my radar was too well conditioned. My brain picked him up just like that. And he headed into…. Victoria’s Secret? What the fuck?
There was only one explanation for a straight man to go into that store on Christmas Eve. To buy something sexy for his lady.
This time the swirling inside was a swarm of hornets. Their stinger attacking me with every ragged breath. Poison spreading through me. Jealousy.
The pure force stunned me. No, it was impossible. I didn’t care anymore. I had moved on. Finally. The last time. I had broken free. Had burned the stable down so the horse could not run home again. I had just accepted a marriage proposal. So what if Michael bought some sexy lingerie for some chick?
Some chick who wasn’t me. And it sure as hell wasn’t for his his new other ex, either. Since he was not at the tent store or the nursing uniform store. So…who?
Time to leave, Lisa. This is your signal. You moved on, he moved on. All is well with the world. Cool. Sanity restored.
And since I was all sane and cool, I headed straight for the home of sweet and dirty silks. Suddenly, I felt I needed some new undies. Urgently.
“Welcome to Victoria’s Secret, Miss. Would you like to try our new fragrance?”
Not unless the mist would make me invisible. Then again, if I really wanted to not be spotted, why did I come in here? Well, because I was over him. Obviously. So I didn’t care what the fuck he was doing in here. I was on an underwear emergency mission.
I looked around. The store was pretty full. Some ladies browsing, and some embarrassed, frantic dudes picking nervously and with red faces at the bras, teddies, and corsets. This was always such a hilarious thing to observe.
Guys were so funny. They were all for seeing us girls in that stuff. But shopping for it seemed to impose some sort of horrible hardship. No pun intended. WelI, and then you always had the occasional pervert in there fingering panties and sporting the red face for a totally different reason. Michael and I used to go on little trips to lingerie stores in New York, with him actually well disguised, making up stories about the people in there as we observed their demeanor. Fuck! Did everything on this planet hold some memory that involved him? Surely, I had a life before him? Right? RIGHT?
And where was he anyway? Casually looking around, I sauntered over to the festive ensembles with the high end price tags. His taste never ran cheap. And sure enough. I spotted his two security guys before I saw him. Not like they stood out at all… Two guys built like boxers in suits, trying to blend in. The wish to be anywhere but in this store clearly written on their faces. And there was the man they had to protect. Too bad none had been hired to protect him from enemy Nr 1: himself.
Michael’s back was turned. He was checking out. All by himself. Surely he was so proud. That was fast shopping. He probably knew exactly what he was looking for. His taste in lingerie was impeccable. How often had I found silky teddies, corsets, bras, crotchless panties…and other fineries laid out for me?
‘Wear me…’
Only to have him tear them from my body with his teeth or his heavenly lips…or to have them removed by skilled, long fingers. Slowly teasing the shit out of me. Making me want to throw him down and have at him. Except I knew oh so well him dragging things out always paid off in ways I had never experienced before. Or since.
Dammit. The very thought made me tingly. Didn’t I just profess my tingly times were over? Guess that didn’t apply to the man I could almost physically feel standing before me. Closing my eyes, I knew this was my last chance. If he turned, he’d see me. It was up to me. I could still make a clean escape. And probably all without jumping head first into a pile of thongs.
Tick-tock.
I inhaled. His cologne filling my lungs. They aren’t kidding when they say the sense of smell is a direct pathway to our memories. I was assaulted by images surrounding me like a tornado, sweeping me up, rendering my dizzy.
I must have stumbled and taken another step closer to him. The security dude I didn’t know looked up and stepped closer, ready to protect his paycheck from the little lady with the hungry eyes.
Michael must have caught the movement out of the corner of his eyes and turned. His eyes widened. He was genuinely surprised. He licked his lip quickly. I thought I heard a thud. Was that my heart exploding? Or did I drop something again? No- panties were still in place. It was real stubble, by the way. I swallowed.
“Found something you liked?” I really had no idea where my voice came from. Since my brain was in some sort of frozen state.
“Hey…wow…” He turned toward his guy who took another step. “It’s fine…It’s my… It’s Lisa Marie.”
His…? His what? Funny enough the guy smiled and nodded toward me, stepping back. Did he know my name? Odd. It wasn’t anyone I remembered.
‘I wish he’d shut up talking about you….even for like a minute..’
His sisters’ words. In an ancient past. Surely that had changed. Right? Because he also obviously stopped thinking about me. Not like he picked up the phone to tell me he got that fucking divorce. He probably figured I’d see it. And come running. I through a wrench into that old engine, though.
We stared at each other. Funny, for someone who had the element of surprise on her side, I felt strangely ambushed. By seeing him. By his eyes. His mouth, His stubble. His…pure presence. Suddenly there was no one. Alone. Just him and I. He smiled. Something melted. And some alarm came on.
Lisa, will you never learn? You can’t be near him. Ever. You’ll never be immune.
His dark eyes were as hypnotic as ever. I saw surprise. Warmth. Happiness. Sadness. He looked tired.
Yeah, probably fucked the little bunny he bought sexy outfits for all night.
“Sorry…” I cleared my voice that suddenly felt odd and strained. “I just saw you and wanted to…you know…”
Jump you.
NO! Fuck, Lisa! You meant to wish him a merry Christmas and a wonderful new millennium. Since your system was about to go Y2K and erase all memory of him.
“Ask if I found everything I needed. You get a seasonal job?…”
“Yeah, thought it was time for a change- and some more spending money.”
He laughed. “Hey- you might get good discounts and stuff.”
I heard noises. Whispering. Guess there were people around us, after all. People who had caught on to the identify of the well disguised man and his even better disguised security detail. It never failed. The nice thing was his presence rendered me invisible. And I was grateful as shit. Didn’t need a “Elvis’ little girl looks haggard and hung-over as she stalks Jacko in the lingerie store” headline. That would go over even worse than the antlers up the ass story. Mom would keel over.
In a second the whispering would get louder, then people would start crowding around. Followed by us having to be evacuated or be tramped to death. The familiar circus. Initialed by the man whose disguises made him even more of a target than if he had just walked in with a fedora.
“Sir- time to go. The car is ready.”
His security obviously also knew the score.
“You better go. Merry Christmas.” I turned. Why did I want to cry?
It was probably for the best. I got my little hit. Gathered some data. Such as the fact that it still hurt. Hurt to see him. Hurt that he wasn’t mine anymore. Hurt to think he moved on. But it was okay. My emotions wouldn’t carry me off. I was strong. As long as I could make a clean getaway, I’d be alright. Might leave behind a limb or two, but I’d live.
Except. He did it. He did what I could never survive. Not his fault really, he probably operated on instinct. Did what came natural. His fingers on my wrist felt so damn right. As did the electric current buzzing through me. I was sure my hair was standing up straight from the static.
“Hey- Lise- come with me to the car. I got some stuff for….for the kids…and since I ran into you and all…uhm…you could take it with you.”
On the bright side, he didn’t seem to want to get away from me as I had feared. Fuck… Was this some trap? Was he about to rub it in that he went goodie shopping for some other chick? And why did he still go Christmas shopping for my children?
“I don’t know…I really gotta go…I’m running late…” Yes, yes, you are. Don’t you the fuck dare and get into a small confined space with him. You have plans…remember?
“Michael, could you sign this for me?”
And here we went. The start signal was given and the show was on. Of course he signed something for the pretty lady. And for about twenty more people. Before the crowd started to get bigger as word got around. And his guys got him to leave.
Michael’s hand had grabbed mine and he pulled me along. Pulling away would probably have been hazardous to my health. So- against my better judgment I ended up in his SUV.
++++++
15 minutes into the little ride, I was reminded that my delusion as to my capacity of being friends with Michael just like I’m friends with Danny was just that: insane crap. First of all, he made me do things I didn’t really want to. Like taking a ride. And he had the most rational sounding explanations.
“Why are we moving?”
“Cause people might storm the car.”
I had looked around. “What people?” Maybe there were elves or fairies only he could see.
“My fans.”
Invisible fans, this time? They were good!
“They seem to have backed off to leave you alone. Maybe it’s their Christmas present to you. Or maybe they have more important things to do: like finish their shopping.”
He looked at me as if he found it highly unlikely that his fans had anything more important on his mind than him…and he might just be right. But hey- I loved to shake him a bit. Felt good to push the old buttons again.
“Or they just have not found out where we are parked.”
“Yeah- they are probably working on this plan to kidnap both of us. Cash for extra presents.”
Michael shot me a look, knowing I was referring to one of the things he always told me: that we would be kidnapped. Oh, the fun I have had with him about that one. And oh, how he had hated to made fun of.
Now, I have to be fair: I’ve been with Michaels when it had seemed that people would carry a heavy ass SUV or limo off with us in it.. This just simply did not seem to be one of those occasions. But hey, seemed like a good enough explanation. So, I was along for the ride. Again.
“So…got some last minute shopping done? You look well- I almost didn’t recognize you.”
“Cause I look well?” I shot him a lopsided grin.
He giggled and reached for my hand. “No, cause you don’t wear make-up in public. I see your hair is longer again. Nice.” Letting go of my hand, he instead touched my braid and I backed away. No touching! WAY too dangerous! There was that odd feeling in my belly…expanding like a warm, gooey spiral.
“I’m incognito. Like you. Nice get-up, by the way. What were you going for? Hip homeless man who just stepped out of bed?”
“I was going for blending in.” Michael started to look annoyed. Oh he hated to have his camouflage skills questioned.
I laughed. “You might wanna work on that, ye of the Flaming Jammies.”
I referred to the little flames on the fabric. Then felt bad he knew I checked out his pants. Hey, I was not responsible for my eyes going to the logical place. Sure all ex wives checked out crotches of their former spouse. Funny, how I’d never seem to do that with Danny. Hm…
I referred to the little flames on the fabric. Then felt bad he knew I checked out his pants. Hey, I was not responsible for my eyes going to the logical place. Sure all ex wives checked out crotches of their former spouse. Funny, how I’d never seem to do that with Danny. Hm…
“I had some last minute shopping to do. I really didn’t spend hours thinking about how I’d dress.”
I thoroughly enjoyed his defensive tone. And yes, sure he didn’t. My ass. This man ran films of himself in the bathroom to make sure he tinkled perfectly.
“I hear you were here earlier.” Ouch! Stupid, stupid, Lisa! Why not just admit you’ve been following him around like a hungry squirrel follows a funny dressed acorn? The movie Ice Age came to mind.
His eyebrow shot up. “Oh, you heard? From whom? Is that why you’re here?”
“Yes, I always check out where you are on my celeb tracker then I hunt you down. It’s how I roll.”
His grin widened. “Well, you suck at it, cause I ain’t seen you ‘round forever.”
“Maybe my spidey skills are that advanced.”
“Naw…I can feel you when you’re near, princess. My spidey senses are that advanced. When it comes to you.”
I could argue that I snuck up on him without any problems, but then again, why admit to any sneaking if I didn’t have to? Better to go on the offense. I didn’t like that funny feeling inside after his last comment. When it came to me…. Like I was special to him or something. Bullshit!
“You changed your number, remember?”
After a huge fight. After I screamed at him how much I hated him, and that I didn’t want anything to do with him. That I’d rather fuck five football teams than have him touch me ever again. Either that or go celibate. That comment got me a sardonic laughter and him telling me there was no danger of that happening with my ass being on fire. Earning him a slap. It was one one of those horrific, devastating fights that had us both in tears at alternate times.
So, I did what I did best. I went out and got drunk. And was seen on purpose with some old friends, kissing them. Wanting a reaction. Which I got: he changed his number. Talk about shooting myself in the foot.
“So did you.” I sure did. And I made all our common friends swear I’d never speak to them again if they’d share it with him. Of course…secretly I was waiting for him to get it anyway. To reach out. To call- so I could not answer. Only, he was ahead of my game again. He didn’t call. Not once.
We both rode in silence for a minute. I was biting my lip. Ouch, that hurt. Bad habit! I bit my nails instead. He grabbed my hand, and I yanked it back.
“Sorry- jeeze Lise, I’m not gon’ bite you- but stop that. You know that drives me nuts.”
I shot him a look. He rolled his eyes. Oh, how well we played this game.
“Where are we going anyway? Can you take me back to my car? I gotta get home. I mean, fun hanging out with you here, catching up on how much we hate each other’s habits, but I gotta get back for real.”
“I hear you got engaged.”
He heard that when? The story was just a little blurb -still unconfirmed.
But….Ha! He was keeping tabs. We were so sick.
“I hear you got divorced.”
And didn’t call me. When you know that was the one thing I wanted. Well. I wanted you to be free for us to be able to have that life you kept promising me. Only you lied. Cause you didn’t want me. You wanted the illusion of some family life that never overlapped with reality. And you’ve come to hate reality…so you stay in the clouds.
I swallowed. My initial, reflexive reaction to the news was happiness. He had done it! Surely that meant he missed me and that’s why he pushed through and had broken out of that hellish arrangement with Deb. Every single time the phone rang, I hoped, wished, longed for it to be him. To tell me he wanted me. Loved me. Needed me. That he was finally ready to have our family. My kids, his kids…us. But no. The phone never rang. He never called. And reality sank it: He wasn’t going to call. He only wanted me when he didn’t have to commit. He liked the way his marriage to Deb went- with me as the side show. She couldn’t tell him what to do because she was never really his wife. And I was no longer his wife- and therefore had no right to look out for him. Perfect. If you were him. But shit, that was his game. Mister Sensitivity in the end only looked out for his own needs.
“Isn’t that what you wanted me to do? And still…still you…” He looked down. “Never mind.” For a second I thought I spotted some honesty there. Then the mask dropped. He fiddled around with his shades and put them back on.
Guess it got too bright for him- too illuminating. His move forced me to focus on his those lines of his face…covered by that damn stubble. I knew every line. Every angle. Could feel how it would scratch to rub his cheek…to kiss it. My mouth watered. Dammit!
Guess it got too bright for him- too illuminating. His move forced me to focus on his those lines of his face…covered by that damn stubble. I knew every line. Every angle. Could feel how it would scratch to rub his cheek…to kiss it. My mouth watered. Dammit!
“So, the kids ready for Christmas? What you get them? Let me see…” He reached over for my bags and grabbed one. “Oh, cool! Ben will love that helicopter. You oughta bring him out to the ranch to let him fly it. I mean…uhm…if you want to… And of course you can come too- just don’t bring mousey dude.”
Oh- he had seen pictures? Hm…interesting. Well, not that I thought John was mousy or anything.
“And I was just gonna ask if John was invited.”
“That’s his name? John? I hadn’t heard. Sure bring him. If you think he can handle it. So- he and Danny get along?”
“Yup.” The stubborn challenge was in my eyes and in the setting of my chin. See what other men give me? They give me normal, adult behavior.
Michael focused on his lap. He put my bag down. Slowly he nodded, “Good, that’s good. That’s what you wanted, right? This new age thing with everyone being friends and all. Well…” He looked over at me, not letting me see his real thoughts. I did see his jaw going all tight though. “That’s nice, Lisa Marie. I’m happy I guess. Happy you’re happy…”
Well, wonderful. How great he was happy that I’m happy. Fuck all that happiness. I wanted to strangle him with some Christmas lights. No, actually that was not true. That’s not what I wanted. I felt like screaming at him.
You! I wanted you! You stupid idiot, you are everything I ever wanted. Not some of you. Not a piece of you whenever I could get it. All of you. And in return I was ready to change everything ‘round for you. I tried so damn hard to make you want all of me. And it just never worked.
Happy? He thought I was happy? Seriously? Did he really know me that little?
“You are happy, right?” He cocked his head to the side, checking me out. I started to feel his hidden gaze in odd places.
I hated when he read my mind like that. Michael leaned forward. My breath hitched. His fingers touched my chin, making me look at him. Thank God he had retreated behind those mirrored shades. Seeing his eyes would have done it. Instead I saw my own stoic expression. Wow- I could fake shit pretty well.
“Delirious.” I managed one of my better bitch tones and moved my face. Escaped his grasp. It was no longer cool. He couldn’t just touch me any time he wanted to. And turn me to melted wax. I had snuffed that candle out. Right? All those odd sensations flying around my body had nothing to do with him at all. I set my chin. Maybe I could convince him how immune I was. And then, maybe I could work on convincing myself.
“I’d be even happier if you could drop me back at my car. I’m sure you got important things to get to. Where are the babies, by the way?”
Instantly, his face lit up. “At my Mother’s. I had this idea… Had these thoughts… So I had been staying at the hideout for a bit. I had to get some stuff done… Finish up some things before time’s up. Before it’s too late. And man, I just found out how late I am. But yeah, the kids… Imma gon’ take them back to the ranch later tomorrow, though.”
As always, he was clear as mud. But no, I was not about to get drawn in to one of his mystery games again. I was still trying to erase the thoughts of the lingerie for some mystery chick from my mind.
“What time?” Shit. Okay, so I hooked in a little bit.
“The millennium, Lisa. I can’t leave things unfinished and we’re headed into 2000.”
“And buying lingerie goes with those plans? Like it’s some secret weapon to prevent a computer melt down?”
He grinned in his cheeky way. “Kinda… I was wondering when you’d ask.”
Fuck! I was so gullible. He wanted me to ask. I had been right. He wanted to rub in how he had moved on. And I certainly was a willing companion to inflict more pain on myself.
“Hey- dude! Don’t get me wrong. It’s cool. You obviously have some female company in mind for your plans. Hope you didn’t pay too much.”
“For the companionship or the lingerie?”
“Both.”
Michael laughed this time. “You wanna know real bad, don’t ch’a? Just ask!”
No, I was not asking. It was none of my business. Guess he was right. This ‘new age bullshit’ of being in your ex’s business only worked if our insides aren’t on fire anymore. I couldn’t tell if I was mad at him or what- but I didn’t like that inner inferno. Not at all. All I knew was that the flames were about to eat me alive. I had tried to dip my big toe into the cauldron. No, it was not cool. It was also not hot. It was acid. Eating away inch by inch of my defenses.
“No- I hope you have an amazing time. And a wonderful Christmas. And I hope you stay free of STDs and shit. And I hope you get everything you…deserve. Now- could you please drop me off at the car?”
“Lisa, the reason I was out and looking for stuff…and the reason for thinking about stuff was…”
My phone ringing made both of us jump. I pulled it out- ready to grab that life vest. I didn’t want to know his reasons. Or his plans. I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry.
John. Great.
“Hey.”
“Hey, babe. Glad your battery’s not all dead. Hey- I think I left my key at your place. So- since you’re still out, would you mind dropping one by my apartment so I can swing by, get my stuff and then head over to your house?”
What? Oh shit, that’s right. I had given him a key. And he already lost it. Was it wise to give him another one? Maybe I should tie it round his neck or something. Man-child that he was.
Michael said something to his driver and it looked as if they were actually doubling back to the Grove parking garage.
“What was that?”
Why do men never hear what you say unless you really didn’t want them to hear?
“Nothing. I ran into..someone I once knew.” I looked at Michael who raised an eyebrow and took his shades off. Now, why did he have to do that? And why did it get hotter in the car suddenly?
“Cool. Will you be able to do the key thing? If not, I just have to bug you when I get there. And you might be in the tub or something…as a matter of fact- why don’t you do that, Lisa? Get in the tub for me…get all warm and wet and …”
What the fuck? Dirty talk? On the phone? Didn’t I just indicate I was with someone? Was that some kind of marking ritual? He had no doubt heard that the someone I once knew was male.
Michael’s jaw tightened again. He obviously also had his superman hearing turned on. Great.
I was just about to tell John to forget about coming over if he had to posture like that, when that evil part inside that always got me in trouble took over.
“Oh baby- that sounds amazing. I can’t wait. So- I’ll drop that key off and you just let yourself in. And we see what we can do about that wet and warm part.”
Michael bit his lip, looking away, trying hard to not appear pissed. Why did I have to be such a childish bitch?
“Cool. Later, babe. Love you.”
“Yeah…ditto.”
Something in Michael’s eyes stopped me from uttering the lie. That I loved John. Cause if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t feel the need to play stupid games.
“Nice. Was that him?”
His tone was cold. His eyes burned with all the intensity lacking in his voice.
I looked out the window. “Yeah- that little black one over there- thanks guys.” We had made it back to safety. It was almost over. The safe zone was in sight.
“Yes, that was John. Sorry.”
“No need to apologize- I know you love to keep it classy.”
Ouch! Why did he still have that ability to make me feel like shit with the smallest of comments. Probably ‘cause he was right. I had used my body to hurt him before. And fallen on that sword to the point of wearing out the weapon.
“Look, I didn’t ask for this. I just wanted to wish you great holidays. I didn’t want to go for a ride, and I didn’t want to talk about your purchase of lingerie for whatever little bimbo you got waiting for you. And I sure as shit didn’t want to talk about my love life. I’m sorry we ran into each other- maybe one day we can do that and not hurt each other.”
“How did I hurt you? What did I do this time, Lisa?”
Fuck. The truth sure hurts. Nothing. He hadn’t done a damn thing. This one was on me. And maybe if I had enough sense I would just humbly admit that and leave well enough alone.
Alas. I was a born shit stirrer.
“Nothing. You never do anything. It’s all me. I didn’t try hard enough, and I wasn’t patient enough. I was never what you wanted. And that’s totally on me. But hey- it all ended well, didn’t it? You’re free of me, and I’m no longer your problem. Happy fucking Merry Christmas and enjoy your freedom from fucked up me in the new millennium.”
With that, I threw the door open and frantically reached for my car keys. Come on, come on….please…don’t have fallen into the Bermuda triangle of my purse. Please, for once, let me find them and make a graceful exit, before I make anymore of a fucking fool of myself.
There! My frozen fingers got a hold of them finally.
I heard his door open and slam shut. “Lisa! What the hell? Don’t you dare roll out like that!” My crazy as shit freak-out must have really made him mad. He hardly ever risked scenes in public. And this was a damn parking garage. Well, I’d help him out and get the hell out of dodge!
Michael reached me and grabbed my arm. “Let the fuck go of me!” I glared at him, yanking my limb back. The look in my almost blind eyes must have given him pause. Time enough to get my car open and jump in, starting it up.
Michael seemed to think about reaching for my door handle, then obviously thought better of it. His security guy had appeared behind him as well, holding him back.
Being barely able to see through the curtain of my tears, I threw the car into reverse and gunned out of the spot. Tires squealing, I hauled ass. Did I imagine it or was he yelling something after me? Well, I’d never know. And right now I didn’t care. All I cared about was that I felt as if I had been run over and left barely alive with skin ripped off and blood pouring from every opened wound. Guess the scars had not hardened all that much yet after all. That’s okay, though. I’d have a life time to heal. As long as I stopped jumping in front of that particular train.
(To be continued tomorrow)
UPDATE 12/23- part two
+++++
Somehow I made it to John’s apartment. I had considered driving straight home and just dealing with him for having to knock later. Or not. Because, the way I felt now, I might be nice and anesthetized by the time he made it to my house. Only, the thought of the house itself was painful at the present moment. Raw as I was, coming into the home Michael and I shared would set off all kinds of stupid memories. I did change lots of the stuff since we broke up this year, but it didn’t matter: he was still there, hogging my space.
So, being in a neutral place might be just what I needed. I had managed to not lose the key he had given me months ago. The key he had just about shoved down my throat. Of course, for the first weeks and months of hanging out, we had used his place. This was not supposed to be anything serious. This was partying, drinking, and fucking. But hey- I got to like him. Being with him made me not think. He was like human alcohol. Making me chill. Taking the sting out of my daily ritual of walking on nails.
I took out my key and put it on the kitchen counter. Now- where did he have his notepad. Or other scrap of paper. I looked around. Come on..if I was a random piece of paper, where would I be?
The knock on the door startled the shit out of me. Great…had he lost his own key as well? And he if he knew he’d be over so quickly, why not just ask me to meet here? Men!
“Did you lose your key, too…” I ripped the door open.
Oh…no! I blinked.
What the… This was not John. Not at all.
“No. I got all my keys… But you…In your mad dash out the car, your forgot the bag with Ben’s gift.”
Michael. For real? For fucking real?
I simply stared at him. This could not be real.
“Can I come in?” He glanced behind himself nervously. “I told the nice lady down there I was a friend of Jim’s, but she said I looked familiar. Don’t want her to catch on.”
“You might have used his real name: John. And, I told you the disguise sucks.”
He cracked a smile. “You sure did.”
Michael, obviously tired of waiting to be asked into the apartment of his ex-wive’s new fiancé, pushed past me.
“Sure, come right on in.” I shoved the door closed and turned toward him, my arms braced on my hips. What the hell was his game now?
Michael walked around as if this was some great exhibit he was touring.
“Nice. Cosy. Well…kinda looks like a dorm…but it’s…sweet.”
Had he lost his damn mind?
“When was the last time you saw a dorm?” He walked on, as if my comment meant nothing. Dammit! I had no choice but to come after him.
Michael put down the bag and walked into the living area.
“Sorry, due to the Holiday, today’s tour ends here. What are you doing here?”
He laughed and looked at some books on the shelf. Oh. My. God! What was he doing here??? And why did he act like he had just discovered some new archeological treasure? Or some museum. He touched the couch.
“Where’s the bedroom? I assume there is a bedroom, right? Or do you guys just pull out the couch?”
What the hell?
“No, we usually fuck on the kitchen counter.”
“Well, thanks, - I guess I won’t eat anything then.”
Oh, certainly. I was just about to ask him if he wanted a little snack. What had he been smoking?
Since he seemed intent on checking out how real people lived, I dashed in and grabbed his arm before he actually did go into the bedroom. The last thing I wanted was him to see where… No, I couldn’t even think it. This was too bizarre. I must have tripped on some christmas lights earlier and am probably still in some coma. Cause this sure as shit could not be happening.
“Michael! What he hell are you doing here? And stop snooping ‘round this place. You gotta leave. Now. Thanks for the bag. Now get your ass in motion.”
“I told you I brought the bag back. You kind of got a…uhm…a bit emotional and left it behind. Why do I have to leave? I’m sure Goofy be happy to meet another one of your ex-husbands. Since he surely will join that team one day.”
I stopped dragging him. My hand still on his arm. Which worked out. For him. As I don’t hit well with my left hand.
“Who knows, Michael. Maybe three times is the charm. Maybe he’s man enough to give me what you couldn’t.”
Michael stared at me. Then looked down at my hand on him. The small gesture made me only too aware of the lean muscle below my grip. God…how many times had I held on to those arms… Needing something solid to push against while he made love to me, lifting me to those crazy heights. That crazy, hot spiral feeling in my belly was back. Sending heat and moisture to places that should not even be involved right now. But fighting and fucking was in our muscle memory. His eyes showed me, his reflexes in that area were also online. Danger!
I needed him to back away. Because I was not sure how much longer I’d be able to. Mad as I was, I also felt something else. Something growing like thunder in the distance on a hot summer afternoon. Clouds slowly darkening the blue sky of my sanity. The storm approaching.
Michael stepped into my space, grabbing my shoulders.
“Don’t…” My whisper was barely audible.
“You asked what I’m doing here… I followed you to give you the bag. And to tell you, you were wrong.”
My free hand found his other arm. No doubt to dislodge his hold on my shoulders, but somehow forgetting its mission and holding on for dear life. Enjoying the tensing of his lean arm. It was becoming difficult to breathe.
“About?”
“About me not wanting you… Cause, Lisa, you gotta know… I never…” He moved closer.
“Ever…” His head tilted toward me. “..wanted anyone as badly as I want you…”
Want? Present tense? My knees were buckling under me.
Fucking shit!
My vision blurred as he came even closer. I held still. Wishing him to stop. Needing him to go ahead. I took in his eyes: hot, pleading, seducing. His mouth, lips lightly parted…that face…
“You gotta go..” I breathed against him, tilting my head back slightly, moistening my lips. Just in case…
“Why? You afraid I can show you just fine that I’m man enough to make you forget whats his name just like that?”
His kiss stole my breath, my sanity. He captured my bottom lip and playfully bit down, making me open up further, granting him better access. He surrendered the grip on my shoulder and instead captured my face, holding me in place, devouring me with his lips and tongue. I felt the burn of his stubble on my lips and against my face and never, ever wanted it to stop. My tongue met his and electricity about lifted me off the floor. He tasted like heaven. The gates to hell opened and wanted to swallow me whole.
Michael somehow had moved me to the counter. I never noticed until I felt the hard ridge in my back.
“Michael…” We were both breathless. His eyes were glossy and his lips swollen. I moved back in for another taste of him. Sucking on his lip, kissing down his jaw, enjoying the roughness on my already burnt lips. Making it to his neck… Whatever bitch he bought that stuff for…I was about to put my mark on him. Let her chew on that!
His hands had started to roam all over my body. From my shoulders down my arms, my back, then around to my ass. God, how I loved it when he squeezed me hard. And I also loved when he stepped in closer, letting me feel that indeed he was man enough, and more, to show me anything and everything. The moon, the stars, other galaxies..there was no limit to where this man could take me.
“Lise…gosh…girl…I missed you….”
So? What about me. I had not… Oh shit, why even bother lying: I missed him more than life. Thankfully, I was too breathless to reveal that. Or too scared. Bad enough to want him so badly I was surely gonna explode. And just from a kiss. But shit, no one ever kissed me like he did.
Or made me want to rip his clothes off. From the feel of it, I had been right about the underwear, by the way. His hard on was very prominently pressed against me. No, this was so wrong. We couldn’t do this. This was all sorts of wrong. Any second now, I’d put the breaks on. Then again, I’d need a brain to make those decisions. Right now, I only was a bundle of emotions. Helpless, I grabbed him again, my tongue exploring his wonderful taste. Cinnamon. Mint. Life. Fuck the breaks!
The kiss turned hard and rough, and I felt hot, long fingers slide under my sweater and up my back. Once again about to pass out, Michael went for my neck, kissing and biting, finding my earlobe while his hands came around and he grabbed my boobs, his hands skillfully reaching inside the cups, finding my already hard and aching nipples. The roaming continued and he made it down my sides and to the waistband of my jeans… Oh shit…no, no…
My body screamed quite the opposite. Michael stared at me while he opened the button. What the fuck was he doing? We hadn’t talked in over six month and now he was about to strip me. Surely, I was about to smack the shit out of him and push him away. Yeah, I’d get right on that.
But first I’d cop a feel myself… My own hands went exploring between us. Oh yeah…I touched him through the soft material and found something not soft at all. He took in a deep breath. There! Power rushed through me. It wasn’t all in my head. I wasn’t the only cart on this ride! Squeezing, I felt him strain against me, and I was just about to breach the convenient elastic when he caught my hands.
Before I knew what he was doing, he lifted me onto the counter.
“Is that where you do it, Lisa? Where you let him fuck you? Touch you? Kiss you?”
He hissed those words. Breathless. His face flushed. Intent on proving something… To whom? Me or him?
Michael bent forward and kissed my belly. His tongue found my navel and he rimmed it just like he had done so many times before. I felt my pussy constrict and tingle, recognizing the movement.
“Mike…shit…don’t…”
Our eyes locked. “Don’t? Don’t what? Don’t do that? Or don’t stop? Don’t remind you that I’m man enough, that I still got what you want? That I never stopped wanting you? And that you sure as shit still want me? Unless I’m wrong…”
He reached for the top of my jeans and somehow my hips automatically lifted. He pulled them down, staring at my crotch, then up at me.
I knew I was wet. I knew he’d see that no problem through the red silk.
“Red? Nice…And guess you want me, too. Just a little bit…” He smirked. God- he was such a man! My man… No, Lisa- no, he’s not…Fuck, just shut up..just enjoy…one more minute before you make him stop. One more little piece of eternity.
Surrendering, my arms braced behind me, leaning back. Shit. I obviously had totally lost my mind.
When his fingers touched me through the material, I could only manage a whimper. I should protest. But I never did what I should do.
Pushing the silk to the side, he carefully and ever so lightly traced my folds.
“Yeah…there you go…you do want me just as much…don’t you… You wanna be reminded of what you’re missing…”
“Michael, we gotta stop…please…” Please don’t stop. Take me. Take me away from reality. Right now. I don’t even give a fuck if it has to end. Cause it’ll carry me through.
He straightened and leaned in, kissing me once more.
“Say it…say you don’t hate me…”
Oh, baby..if only…
Another kiss…his hands on me again, touching and teasing, but never going in too close.
“I don’t hate you…” I whispered, staring into his eyes.
Satisfied, Michael kissed me again, trailing down my neck, lifting my sweater, playing with my belly button, then kissing down to my thigh, biting it, rubbing his cheek against me. Dammit! I wanted him so badly. But we both knew this was a really, really bad spot for a really, really good idea.
Something buzzed. We froze.
The intercom.
Three more buzzes. John’s signal. Meaning he was on his way up.
“Fuck, it’s John.”
“Who?” He seemed almost confused.
For real?
Michael lifted me off the counter. Kissed me while helping me close my pants. Guess he was just kidding. Very funny.
“The man whose counter you just decorated with me. You gotta get out of here…now!”
“Why? I wanna meet him.”
“With that hard on? Really?” John might not wanna shake hands that way. Yikes!
Michael looked down, then up. Grinning. Why the fuck was he grinning? He should be horrified!
“See? I told you I want you. Tell me you see me later.”
“Michael! Are you totally insane? Get the hell out. Quick!”
“Tell me. Tell me we’ll talk. Or I stay right here- telling Jimbo just how much I enjoyed the little tour of his dorm room.”
I looked at the door in panic. At least my jeans were fastened again. My hair was a different story. I could lie just fine- but with a man sporting a huge erection in the vicinity, the story might not hold water.
“Fine, whatever. Maniac. Leave.” I pulled him to the door.
Outside the apartment I heard the familiar squeaking of the elevator. The sound it made right before it arrived. Fuck!
“Here- promise you call” He gave me some paper with what looked like a number on it.
“Okay, fine. I promise.”
Michael headed toward the stairs, still facing me. “Don’t you dare lie, Lisa- or next time I make sure he’ll walk right in on us and you’ll never hear him coming.”
What the fuck was all this postering about? Did he read some more self help books on how to be a macho? No- cause deep down, that’s who he was. With me anyway. Possessive. Pushy. When he wanted to be. When he recalled I was his to toy with. Michael didn't share well.
“It’s like ten floors down! Be careful.” The last thing I wanted was helicopters and paps decorating the front of the building rescuing Michael Jackson from a little mishap in his ex wive’s fiance’s staircase. Just didn’t sound proper.
“You give me wings.” That big grin. His eyes laughing.
Despite flipping out and watching the elevator display, I had to smile. He was nuts. I always had known it. And part of me was elated to see that side of him again.
“You’ll give me a heart attack.”
“You love it!”
“Go!”
Just when I thought he would do just that he doubled back and gripped me, kissing me hard one more time. “You’re still my Christmas miracle, Lisa.” Blowing me a kiss, he was gone.
At about the same time the door closed behind him, the elevator door opened. John stepping out, looking at me kinda surprised.
“Hey- cool. I wasn’t sure you heard me buzzing. But here you are- meeting me in the hall…Hey lady.”
Oh, I heard him buzzing alright. Thank God he loved his goofy signals.
“Hey…” My voice sounded funky.
He tried to kiss me and I moved my face. Were there marks? Were my lips swollen? Oh fuck, who cared! Michael was here. Had kissed me. Told me he wanted me. Called me his miracle. I felt dizzy. Drunk.
“You wanna ride over together?”
What? Oh. Shit. He was gonna come over. To my house. Tonight. Christmas Eve. The night Michael had called me his Christmas Miracle when we were married. Actually, he had called me that for the first time in 1993…after all the horror was finally over and I held him, comforted him, let him make love to me to fight the darkness surrounding his soul. He said he had felt like a slave. During that horrible strip search. Like a slave on display. And that I freed him when he thought he would never escape the desperation. That my love was the star he followed. God, he was so damn corny. And still…when he gave me that most amazing diamond and sapphire necklace the year were were married, he said it again- that I was the miracle he always had waited for. His sincerity made me cry- and he kissed my tears away, before making love to me under our tree.
And now…now I was about to go to that very same house. With John.
I felt like a fucking cheater. And the worst part was that I didn’t feel I was cheating on the man I was engaged to. No, not at all.
“Lisa- we’re still planning on going over to the house? Are you sick or something? You look..kinda glazed over…Feverish.”
No joke… I had come down with that bug I just could not build any resistance up against.
“Yeah…I don’t feel well. I might have caught something.” Someone. In goofy pjs and a hoody. Long legs…amazing arms…eyes to die for. Come on Lisa, breathe…Turning, clutching the paper, I walked back into the apartment.
“Did you wear a different perfume today?” John had stopped and seemed to smell the air.
Yeah, I had Eau De Michael all over me. Wonderful.
“Just something old I came across….”
At least I wasn’t lying too badly.
“Nice…”
Yeah, nice indeed…
I looked at the paper. It was like the second part of a receipt. For real? It was from a very exclusive jewelry store. I looked at the date. Today. Oh great. So he went shopping for some floozy: first some bling and then some undies. Wonderful. And then he felt like sexing me up on my fiance’s kitchen counter. I seriously hoped she was some lying gold digger with a collection of cooties that would make his idiotically long dick fall off. Player!
Well, the really good news was that I could ream him out when I called him. Ha! I just had to find a way to stall John. Cause for real- how could I move ahead into the 21st century when I had some ties left to cut? Pirate that I was, I’d find that saber and get to hacking on those steel cables tonight!
+++++
Somehow I had managed to convince John it was a much better idea to let me finish what I had to do before he came over. As a matter of fact, I suggested he called first. I hoped I’d be able to talk him out of his little visit altogether. Wasn’t dinner with my mother the next day togetherness enough?
I drove home in a daze. At some point, I noticed I was singing along to Christmas songs… Like I was happy or something. What was wrong with me? I was in so much shit. Then again, surely I was overreacting. I mean…so what if I made out with my ex in my new man’s apartment? Seemed perfectly normal. Now insert that the ex was Michael Jackson in disguise and this wasn’t weird at all. Not in a million years had I thought Michael would come after me. Why now?
Did it have to do with him reading about my engagement? Did he want to test if I was serious? Why did he care? He had been free of the blond ball and chain for months. Plus- he seemed perfectly happy shopping for goodies for some lucky lady when I had spotted him. Maybe I was just a little distraction. Some warm up act.
Oh, there’s Lisa. Let’s see if I can still get into her pants.
No, not even he could be that cruel. Then again, I would never, in a million years have thought he’d actually squirt some sperm up Deb’s black hole, either. A small miracle, the cobwebs didn’t prevent conception.
Ouch! I was such a bitch. No need to be evil. It was simple to him. I said no. She said yes. Yes trumped no in his world. And no meant nothing but a challenge. Maybe that was it, then. The challenge drew him like blood a shark. I was engaged. Getting me to fall and trip onto his penis might be a great challenge to end the millenium on.
I pulled into my driveway and looked at the house. The kids had bugged me till I hired someone to put the lights up. I hated Christmas lights. They reminded me of Neverland. But I loved my children, and so I suffered through the constant flashbacks. Hell, this whole house, every single corner, every single room…everything was a major flashback. He was everywhere. Changing things around hadn’t worked. And pretty soon, I noticed it was more painful to have new stuff. I didn’t want new furniture. I wanted what we had picked out. In the life when we thought the future was golden and nothing could get in our way. I wanted that fantasy back more than anything. I had to be honest about that. Just like the alcoholic had to know that he’d always want alcohol. To pretend otherwise was taking the first step down the slipper slope into denial land. I just simply had to be realistic and know I couldn’t have him. Ever again. Which is why I should have run today instead of going after him. Should-a, would-a, could-a. … the satanic trinity in my life.
So, what I needed to do was to get back into sanity mode. I needed to throw the number he gave me into the fire. I needed to call John and tell him to come over as soon as possible. And I needed … to pretend today didn’t happen.
That he didn’t look at me like that. That I never felt his fingers touch my hair and my arms. That I never heard his voice. Never felt his lips. Never tasted paradise. What had John said? I looked feverish? Yeah, that was a perfect way of putting it. It was a fever. He was a fever. He was my illness. I thought he was my medication and my recovery, but I had been barking up the wrong tree.
But to get totally healthy, I might have to bite into the poisonous apple one more time. I would have to call him and make it clear that there was no way I was about to function as his little toy again. That I was not his little controllable doll anymore, being dressed by him, being told what to say, where to be, and how to feel. Sleeping beauty had woken up. And the prince had turned back into a frog. With a heavenly voice, but so what?
A voice that whispered: he still wants you.
Yeah, exactly why I can’t be near him. Because he obviously still does exactly what he feels like. And today he felt like buying goodies for one woman while basically pissing all over another man’s apartment. Using me to do it. As if I was a tree or fire hydrant he considered his.
So- I needed to show him boundaries. No more Mrs Doormat. No more saying no with my clothes half off and my tongue shoved down his throat while feeling him up.
But I needed time. And most certainly distance. I’d call him. Explain things to him. Inform him our time had passed. No more miracles for us. The genie was tired of having his bottle rubbed and he packed up and left LaLa Land. The crystal ball had been revealed to be a burned out light bulb. He’d understand. He’d pack up his Victoria Secret skank wear and his cheap baubles and wax poetic with some other dimwit. He wanted to be worshipped. Women on their knees excited him in multiple ways. So- for sure, he’d let go of little, trouble making me, if he could have a nice, gullible new worshipper on tap. Michael hated confrontation. I’d get him to once again forget I ever existed.
Then, I’d get drunk and cry a bit. Allow myself one more night to be a fucked up idiot.
Before truly starting over. Giving myself the gift of freedom. The miracle of a healthy relationship.
I stared at myself in the mirror. I nodded. Yeah. Cool. High-five, Lisa.
But- to get all that done, I did not need John around tonight. Tonight was about final closure. Tomorrow was about the rest of my life.
Naturally, he didn’t answer his phone at the apartment. Dammit!
I tried his cell.
“Hey- you know what’s what- Holler and I get you back.”
Had anyone ever sounded more white-trying-to-be-a-brother?
“Hey, John. It’s me. Look…I’ve had a crazy day, and like you said, I don’t feel all that great.”
I inserted a fake cough for effect.
“So…how ‘bout we skip tonight. I gotta wrap presents and stuff some stockings. I don’t want you to come down with anything, so how ‘bout we just spend all day together tomorrow. Hope you understand. Later, boo.”
I felt slightly bad for not having said more, but hey, he knew I wasn’t some little fairy skipping ‘round throwing the L-word at everyone like some odd spitballs.
With trembling fingers I took out the bling receipt with Michael’s phone number.
It went straight to voicemail.
I chewed my lip. Irritation grabbed me.
No, Lisa, be reasonable. Not like you always answer your phone.
I turned my attention to my bags and unpacked, taking the kids’s stuff inside where I had wrapping paper all laid out.
I grabbed some chips and a beer and called the kids, chatting with them for a bit, then making arrangements with Danny for having them over on time tomorrow.
The paper with Michael’s number was on the coffee table and my eyes kept being drawn over. As soon as we hung up, still holding the receiver as I always did when I didn’t have my babies with me and missed them, I dialed the number again.
Voicemail. Again. Motherf….
Fine. But for real? Why did he even bother giving me the damn number if he was gonna play games?
I wrapped presents while having another beer. Or two.
Once or twice I reached for the phone, then changed my mind. I was strong. I was a rock… I was…. fucked up! In mid wrap, I threw the tape from me and just about punched the damn buttons in while trying again.
Motherfucker! This time I did not hang up. Time to inform Mr High and Mighty what I thought of his damn games.
“You are such a fucking asshole, you know that? Why the fuck do you bother playing with me? Are you bored? Is your zoo hibernating? Don’t you have people to order around or staff to mess with? Idiotic nicknames to dole out like poisonous gum drops? You know what? Thanks. Thanks for a great lesson. You’re an amazing teacher. One day, I’ll earn my black belt in the marshal art of Defend-Against-Mike-one-do. “
At times the nonsense I came up with, stunned even me. The beers I had downed helped to make it all appear semi-witty.
“Anyway. You wanted me to call. I’m a calling, like a good little girl. Which is the last time I’ll do what you say. You can fuck yourself. Or better yet, fuck that little bitch you got shit for today. Classy- writing your number on the damn receipt. I’m so glad I’m moving on with someone who can make all my dreams come true. Someone who doesn’t babble about miracles and instead keeps it real. Someone who actually is there for me and not always gone like some goddamn mirage. The next time I wanna see your skinny ass is when you pick up the last of the shit you keep storing here at MY house. I know your hoarding ass is running out of space on your little farm, but you better get your books and crap or I’ll burn it all. Together with the fucking voodoo doll I have that looks like you in disguise.”
Man, I was on a roll. Probably cause I had just ran out of beer and switched to wine.
“So yeah. Merry Christmas, asshole. I’m finally fee and ready to go into the next millennium.”
I hung up, slamming the phone down for effect.
There! Perfect! I am woman. Drunk woman- hear me roar. So what if I stumbled over the word ‘millenium’ just a tad bit. Other than that I had given a damn good speech. Let him chew on that! Maybe he’d feel hard done by enough to not be able to get it up with his little rent-a-pussy. Cause God knew he didn’t actually want to be in a meaningful relationship. Not a real one. With a real woman who did not blindly gobble up every dish he cooked up.
Feeling empowered and oh so cool, I grabbed the whole bottle of wine and made it upstairs, stripping off my clothes and discarding them as I strutted toward my bedroom. That’s right. Not ‘ours’ anymore. MINE!
My bedroom, my house, my family, my life! Just like I liked it.
Finding my favorite mix of 70s music, I turned it on - and up. Oh yeah…look at this free woman! Dancing naked and getting a bath ready. They should have modeled the fucking statue of liberty after me! ‘I Will Survive’ came on, and I made sure to move the volume lever up just a tad bit more. Oh baby! Indeed I would! Fuck him and his mind games.
Sighing, I sank into the bubbles.
Now, wasn’t this great? Who needed him? His stupid eyes…his stupid lips…his stupid kisses. Something in my body reacted to the mere thought. No, that funny feeling in my belly was not due to recalling just how wonderful his tongue had felt against mine. How I had rocketed straight into another galaxy when whispered how he wanted me. Because that meant…
No, Lisa. Stop it. It means nothing. He has always played you. And he will continue to do so. Not because he’s mean. Or evil. It’s on you. As long as you let him, he will come sniffing ‘round. You’re like an old pair of stinky shoes to him. You’re comfy. He doesn’t risk blisters. But that doesn’t mean he want’s anyone to know you’re still stashed in his closet. Certainly not the little slut wearing his bras and panties and jewelry this Christmas. Bras and panties being optional.
“Damn, I’m glad you always reamed me out for having music up too loudly.”
I about jumped out of the tub, then recalled at the last second I was naked, and sat back down, making water slosh over the edge.
“Godammit!”
“Not nice to curse on the night the Lord was born.”
Not… nice?
What in the name of all that was holy was he doing here?
Mother was right. I had to stop drinking. Obviously, the liquor had eaten my brain. This was it. I was clearly hallucinating!
“And really, no need to sit back down on my account…” Hot, chocolate eyes gave me an admiring once over.
No- hallucinations didn’t have that dirty, lustful look swimming in dark, molten fire.
“Michael! What the fuck? How in the hell did you get into my house?”
“Language!” He sauntered over, bent down, and kissed my cheek.
I slid deeper into the bubbles. “OUT!”
My outstretched arm sprayed bubbles across the floor. As angry as I was, he could be damn glad they weren’t bolts of lightening.
“The key.” As if that was the most logical answer in the world, he picked up a dollop of foam from the surface I was hiding beneath and held it in the palm of his hand, observing it. Had he lost his mind? Maybe too much masturbation had not only rendered him half blind, which was cool cause I liked him in glasses, but borderline insane as well. Which might explain why he went shopping for presents. Blue balls had killed what was left over of his brain.
“What fucking key?”
As I asked it, it dawned on me.
I should have changed the stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key…
Man! Songs were so full of good advice! Why had I not listened to the song I danced to so so passionately only minutes earlier.
Michael still admired the now diminishing pile of glittering, slippery baubles in his palm. He looked up at me. Then grinned. His eyebrow raised. Obviously, he knew my lightbulb had just come on.
Raising his palm to his lips, he blew the bubbles at me. One landed straight on my nose. Defiantly, I wiped it off. Fuck him and his illusions made of nothing but water and air.
“Yeah. I’m not the one losing his key. I hold on to what’s mine.”
If we were still talking about keys, why was he so damn smug? Did he want a Nobel Price for hoarding? Cause he sure as shit hadn’t been able to hold on to me. More like thrown me away with both hands while I crept back over and over, refusing to be discarded.
“You sneaky SOB. First you eavesdropped on my conversation, then you stalk me, and now you break into my house? Let me call the cops and see how smug you will be when your ass is plastered all over the tabloids.”
“My face. I doubt they’d take a mugshot of my ass. But sure. Go ahead. Call. The phone is over there.” Making sure I wouldn’t follow up on my threat, he reached over and threw the towel toward the door. “Oops….I was gon’ give that to you.”
“And what? Tourettes of the hand? Hand me that damn towel, Michael. I ain’t playing! Or better yet- leave now and let me finish my bath. I got company coming.”
If he listened in, he probably still thought John was coming over. Which meant he was just here to posture. Nothing else.
“I didn’t eavesdrop. He talks loudly. Like he had to bolster himself up or something. A real man don’t need to talk loud like that.”
Was he ignoring me or was his hearing as gone as his mind?
“And I didn’t beak into your house. It used to be our home and you know damn straight I got a key. Never bothered you before when I used it.”
That smirk again. Referring to all the times he snuck in…surprising me. Joining me in bed, or in the shower.
Or in the tub.
No, no, no. I was not going to allow the little sparks of memories going off to start some kind of destructive fire.
“Well, it bothers me now. Hand it over.”
Michael put on his best innocent face and put on quite the show, pretending to look in the pockets of his jeans. Someone obviously had seen it fit to change his outfit.
“Oops. Guess I misplaced it.”
“Fine- shut the door behind you when you leave. I’ll have the locks changed first thing tomorrow.”
“On Christmas?”
“Yeah- I’m sure I find Jewish, or Moslem, or Satanic locksmiths somewhere in this damn city.”
“You told me to come and get my things.”
My damn message!
“And you thought now was a good time? On Christmas Eve? When you know damn well my fiancé is about to come over?”
“Well, seeing he and Danny are buds, I’m sure he don’t mind another ex hanging ‘round.”
“He might not. But I do. Seeing you invaded my privacy. I have your shit sent out to Neverland. My last present to you. Now, leave.”
“Hey, look!” Once again treating my words as if they were white noise, he suddenly produced the key. Oh goody! Was he finally seeing reason? Christmas miracles did exist!
Not too soon, either, seeing a small problem was developing during our sparring. The bubbles surrounding me started to thin out. For a split second he looked into the water, and I could have sworn my nipples reacted right away. No- I was just getting cold. Despite the sudden heat in my belly.
“I found it.” Holding it out to me, he smiled sweetly.
Okay. Never trust a sweetly smiling Mike. I learned that the hard way.
He laughed, strangely delighted at my hesitation.. “Lisa! You wanted it. Here it is. Take it.”
My eyes narrowed, and I studied him. Maybe he was tired of games. He lost interest quickly. As I had learned. The hard way.
Before the poster child for ADD could change his mind, I reached for the key. And just as quickly, he pulled it back.
“You’re such a fucking asshole.” I glared at him, sinking back into the water.
Michael giggled. “Okay. Sorry- no- for real. Take it. I’m serious this time.” He sat on the wide tiled rim of the tub.
Nervously, I watched more bubbles vanish. I tried to be inconspicuous about arranging what little was left.
“I seen it all before, you know…” His voice was husky now. His eyes anchored to mine again, after giving my bits and pieces a quick perusal. Like I didn’t notice.
“Great- then get the hell out. Now would be good. Before John gets here and kicks your trespassing ass out.”
“He and what army? But fine…whatever…here, take the damn key, Lisa. And I’m gone.”
We battled silently for a second. God! He was frustrating. I had to get him out of here. I was starting to give him a nice show. And yes, he had seen it all before. He knew my body inside and out. And still…I was not sure I could withstand the smoldering heat in his eyes much longer. He might be totally immune. I was not. Not while he looked like sex on a stick in his black jeans, dark jacket, white shirt…and his stubble.
Hating to have him win even a little bit, I reached for the key again.
Just when I thought he was serious, he dropped it into the tub. Distracted, I dropped my guard. And he grabbed my wrist, pulling hard, as he stood up, forcing me to come out of the water.
I squealed and he took my other wrist, pulling me into him, totally disregarding that I was soaking wet.
“Michael! What the fuck?”
UPDATE 12/24- part three
His eyes bore into me, and after feeling the chill of the air on my slippery skin initially, I suddenly felt nothing but lava inside.
“So you had to go and kirk out? I was playin’ with you? Me? No, Lisa… But now..” He laughed in that way turning the temperature up in that furnace of my body, “NOW, I wanna play with you…”
Something faintly familiar and yet frighteningly new. His jaw was clenched. Hair fell into his face in unruly curls. It had just started to grow longer again… I loved the change. Loved everything about him. Bending forward, he kissed me frantically, while my hands grabbed fist-fulls of his shirt- pulling him into me. Feeling his hands touch my slippery shoulders and then go lower to palm my tits, reminded me that he was dressed. He kissed a teasing path down to where his hands squeezed and teased, while I pushed the jacket off his shoulders. I’d get right on this even and unjust distribution of clothing. Ever so helpful, I took over holding my breasts up to him, while he shrugged off the jacket, tossing it from him.
My whimpering sounds made him alternate soft and teasing stroking of his tongue with harder suckling and squeezing, causing me to hold his head to me.
I had barely noticed that his hands started touching and rubbing my knees, pulling them apart further, massaging my thigh, then back to my knees, and down my calfs. I was a bundle of nerves. On open wound. A whipping hurricane. Was victim and victor all in one. I called his name out again.
Michael pulled his jeans down and kicked his shoes off, almost falling in his eagerness to join me. Man- where was the shy young man I had to convince to let me see him naked? After years and years of our games, he was so comfortable with me. Trusted me. In this way, anyway.
“Talk about swollen…” I gave his straining hardness a little pull.
“Damn…girl..careful… Hold up… Theres something I wanted to do earlier…”
My eyes narrowed. “Michael?”
“Damn you… fucking hell…” I suggestively wiggled me ass, needing the torture to stop. Or go on. And never cease.
His words had me hovering at the edge. Literally. Damn him! He knew exactly what his dirty talk, delivered in that silky smooth voice of his did to me. Especially when mixed with his fingers rubbing and teasing me.
He looked at at me and I held me breath. I was so damn close. Michael kissed and sucked some more, then went in for the kill. It started with his pumping me with first one, then two fingers. Moving them inside while licking me with great enthusiasm. His noises drove me mad.
For a second I thought I heard something in the house. Some odd sound I could not place.
When Michael’s lips closed around my pulsing clit, all thoughts about sounds evaporated in the heat of his eyes. We were locked in our own universe.
He laughed lowly. “There..clean it all off, little kitten..”
“You’re a dirty old man…” He laughed, causing me to kiss him some more.
“Seeing you like that, tasting you…girl… I ‘bout came right then and there. You’re something.”
I gave him a squeeze, wiggling against him. “No, YOU are something…”
“Yeah…We…us…you and me.”
When I glanced up, I saw he was watching as well, his eyes glossy and dark.
With that he entered me one more time and I felt him expand inside as he ejaculated violently, his voice turning to sobs and sighs. The combination of feeling him, hearing him, and seeing him in the throes of his climax brought on one more release for me, this time, I had to close my eyes to be withstand the intensity of the fire that both destroyed and lifted me. I noticed my voice was leaving me as his name went from a scream to a hoarse whisper. My prayer. My confession.
“Girl…hm, hm, hm….” He whispered and kissed my shoulder, neck, cheek.
“No, without the but.”
“But…” I tried once more. He wasn’t the boss of me. If I wanted to interject some reason here, it was totally up to me. His hands came around and grabbed my ass, pulling me into him.
He laughed out loud. “Beating you? I gave you’re little body a beating, alright…One you begged for…”
Michael kissed my forehead, then my mouth. Thoroughly. I loved his taste right after we made love. Yes, made love. Oh God, I was in such deep shit. Again.
“A little…”
No, that was his job.
“What? Don’t you shush me, little woman!”
“No, wait. I thought I heard something.”
“Gimme a second, okay. This has all been so intense. I mean…shit. I haven’t even seen, heard from you. And now…now this…” I motioned over our naked asses.
“No, that’s reserved for you. And no, I’m not gonna call the cops out. Cause there’s a sound in our house we don’t even know what it is? Get real.”
++++++
UPDATE 12/26 This had to be one of those moments that would forever crown anyone’s top ten bizarre encounters. One of those where you wanted to pinch yourself real hard, wondering if all the alcohol finally caught up with you.
“I don’t care about the papers. He’s not worth it alright - but I want his ass arrested. He broke into our house.”
“With what looks to be one of my recorders, too. Thanks for getting that back, Lise.” Suddenly, Michael giggled. “Girl- you’re dangerous. You laid quite a whooping on his ass. I heard all the noise and thought I’d have to come down and rescue you- only to see that he was the one in need of rescue. You bit him and then smashed his balls! Dang!”
Michael took a sip, then waltzed over to turn the switch on the fireplace.
“You gotta stop handing those out, by the way. It’s like a bad habit or something.”
“Well, seems I got two back today. One’s in the kitchen and one is soaking in the tub upstairs, I believe.”
“I think we should change the locks.”
“We? Speaking French today?”
“Bien sure, madame.”
“Mademoiselle- and get real. What the fuck is happening here, Michael? We were more than estranged. Now you’re sitting here..like…like…” Like what exactly? Like he belonged? Like he never left? Like he wanted to hang around? Like I desperately wanted him to? Which I did….
I almost dropped my glass.
“I figured you’d read that.”
He laughed. “You’re something, girl… You know that? You always got on me for making assumptions. But you! You are too much!”
“Well, of course, I meant them, too, Lisa.” He looked at me as if I was the insane one.
“No. I’m not gonna do this. I’m not gonna subject them to anymore of your bullshit. I got enough of this. Of you. You- gotta go. Now.”
Again.
“Semantics…”
“Funny, that..”
“You sound like you had a rough night. No wonder- I just talked to John. He’s all broken up, too.”
“What do you mean?”
Now, I know he said that just loud enough for Mom to hear. And how surprising to find out I didn’t even care?
“I thought I heard singing.”
Hope Mom got a new thought reader for Christmas. Her skills sucked.
“It’s Christmas. They will have dinner later.”
“About that…we aren’t staying…Which I was going to tell you on the phone. But you hung up on me. And then didn’t answer your phone. I should pull shit like that. You’d have the manner police at my house”
“Be nice. I knew you’d give me those silly excuses about not wanting to talk to John. Oh, Lisa, come on. Don’t you make that face at me. You had a fight. That’s what couples do- he’s all ready to forgive you. I buttered him up for you.”
“I got the gist.” Mother’s lips tightened and she poured herself a cup of tea. I felt like asking for something stronger.
“He found you with another man, right? Wasn’t he entitled to be a tad bit upset?”
“He stayed for a very long time, mother. As in- he hung ‘round. He even found a recorder to tape us…Making love.” There. I could not help but spelling it out for her as obviously her Santa’s hat included blinders. And earplugs.
“Of course. But see? Those things happen when you involve yourself with Jackson again. Please don’t start all this again! You finally had started to come around. You stopped waiting for him and started living. Don’t run back at the first crumb he droops you.”
“I’m not. I’m just… Look. I know this doesn't make sense. And I’m not jumping into anything. I just want to spend today with him. I’m gonna take it once day at a time…But no matter what happens with me and Michael, John and I are done.”
“Stubborn.” I sniffled and laughed through my tears.
“Wrestling, too?” Ben looked up at Michael with those big, blue eyes.
Michael blushed and looked over at me. “Absolutely.”
Clearing his throat, he turned toward my mother, while reaching for my hand, squeezing it.
Was mother actually giving up? Her pale face was doubling as a sign of surrender in my book.
Michael opened the door for me, then came around to get into the driver’s seat.
“What?” He laughed. “Not my fault he couldn’t take a hint. He’s not very smart, is he?”
“You didn’t have to rub it in.”
“Yeah!!!!!” Came the response, before arguing which song should come first ensued.
“You are just too kind- I hope you keep all your women the same size. I better not find some silk muumuu or tent…”
“Yeah, no worries- and they have the same monograms, too.”
“Was it written on a receipt for a gift meant for me?”
“I’m that slick!”
Pulling me close, he kissed me. “I love you more, Jackson.”
“Something you want?”
“Well, that’s easy. Cause you got me… Oh, the ways you got me, princess…”
“I aint stopping…I am looking at you. My little miracle.. And I’m admiring my good taste- cause that choker looks right on you, baby girl…especially now…”
I looked over at the white and diamond studded lingerie he had taken off me in what seemed like an eternity ago. He did leave the black high heels on. Which had worked out great when he had me bent over the couch in the main part of the suite before caring me in here- stopping for a little high post number before dropping me on the bed.
“Show me how much…”
We held on to each other as aftershocks in one triggered new explosions in the other. Michael had sunk against me, still embedded, still shivering against my exhausted body.
“Stop using me like that, Lisa Marie!” I’m not a baby making machine!” Putting on his best fake protest, he looked up and smirked and I swatted at him. Catching my hand, he kissed my palm.
“How you know you didn’t already make one? Maybe I trapped your ass good already. Made you my baby Daddy.”
“Seeing you and me basically strapped down and were on me nonstop, it’s a possibility we might have to face.”
“I was on YOU nonstop?”
“Well, I was on you, behind you, you were on me…I think we made it through the Kama Sutra at least three times.”
At least.
“Hm?”
“Baby- I gotta.. you know…move…there’s something important I gotta do…”
“You’ll choke- my luck. And that look real bad. Cause then I gotta wait till you get x-rays and stuff and then we have to wait till it comes back out- and then - that’s just real gross…and.”
“What parts would that be?” I was so damn close to tears.
“Never mind- you’re right. Scratch that. You’re perfect. So- make my life perfect once again, will y’a? Please - marry me. And if you say yes, I’ll even fish that ring out for you.”
“Oh, God! You’re nuts. And I….I’m so fucking crazy about you. So, yes, yes, YES!!!! Oh, shit, yes, I’ll marry you again!!!!”
“Want me to clean it up?”
“Hell no- hand it over, buster!”
“Well, I did try and pawn it, but no one believed it was real.”
“Good thing I match your crazy.” He kissed me, then my hand. The hand with that gorgeous diamond ring. Sticky from the champagne and all. Sparkling like the brightest fireworks in the candle lit room.
“You know what we gotta try now?”
When he kissed me, I once again was ready to fly into the starts, looking for my future in the dark depth of the one man who could ever complete me. My home, my heart- and my miracle. My past and my future. The only person I could drive me crazy and make me hate him at the same time while knowing I’d love him forever. My true love. The other part of my soul. I had lost him once, twice, and so many times, but this time I knew what I had to fight for. This was our new beginning- precious and unique. And hopefully the first on a long strand of many more miracles to come.
THE END- MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
©2013 Erika B Michaels. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. Any names, places, and other identifying features are used in a fictional manner, for entertainment purposes only, and are in no way representative of actual events. This work may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted, or stored without expressed written permission by Erika B Michaels. All photos and images, mentioned songs or song titles are copyright their creators. ABSOLUTELY no disrespect is intended to any persons portrayed in this work.
